Confessions.25

She woke up in the morning as she stretched her hands and picked up her blackberry from the charger. "RAYAAN! YALLAH TRA RA7  TET2AKHERAIN!" she heard her father yell. She sighed as she unlocked her phone with one eye open. She checked her unread dm.

@Hamad: Good morning pretty:p. Have a good day at school.

She received this dm 16 minutes ago. She smiled as she wished him a good day too. Stretching her arms, thinking of her convo with Hamad last night, she couldn't help but smile. Rayan got up and put on her bunny slippers. She dragged herself to the bathroom as she took a quick cold shower.

Putting on her school uniform, she struggled with her zipper. She sighed as she walked to the living room while gathering her hair in one side. She saw her father watching a replay of last night's football match while sipping on his coffee. "Baba 9ekley el'sa7aaaaab" she said grumpily. Her father laughed at her expressions as he got up and helped her with her zipper. She smiled, like someone had used a magic wand and changed her mood. "9aba7 el'khair." she said cheerfully as she kissed his forehead. He smiled back and gave her a quick hug. "Yallah teraygay. Yebtlich 7aloum sandwich ou latte mn starbucks. Eklay bel6ereej." he said and Rayan rushed to her room to get her backpack.

In school, Rayan wasn't able to concentrate. She always found herself doodling some hearts on her notebooks or the table. She would also smile every time she remembered one of Hamad's jokes. She blushed everytime she remembered how Hamad described her beauty. He said he liked stuff Rayan never even noticed about herself. "I like how you always bite your lower lip when you're trying to stop laughing. I like the dimple on your chin. I like your hair color. I also love your laugh. I love when you examine your hair tips when you're bored ou tendamjain fehum wayed. Wla lma tsoulfeen ou tenfa3lain and your hands start flying in the air". Those were his exact words that kept running around in Rayan's mind.

Meanwhile, In the buildings of gust. Hamad was sitting in one of the tables in starbucks. He had his notepad and his books placed in front of him, and his blackberry in his hand. He decided to dm Rayan, he knew she was in school but he was sure she was going to read it sooner or later. Once he started typing, he was interrupted by a voice of a man  standing over him. Hamad looked to find Zaid.

 

Zaid was wearing a yellow button down from Ralph Lauren with bleached denim pants. His brown silky hair was left naturally, no gel or wax, and his beard was perfectly groomed. Hamad let out a breath, "Eg3ad ou enta saket." Hamad said. Zaid chuckled as he pulled a chair and sat across from Hamad. Zaid looked at Hamad and then looked at  a table full of girls almost 3 metres away. "7abeebtek." Zaid said with a chuckle and Hamad laughed. "Ehia law bas ta36eeney wayh." Hamad said and they both laughed.

 

A few hours later, Rayan was making her way through the school gates, her eyes scanning the place, looking for her driver. She spotted him and started to walk towards him. He stretched his hand and Rayan gently gave him her extra heavy backpack. After the driver placed her backpack in the front seat, he ignited the engine and drove back home.

 

Rayan rang the bell and Annie opened the door for her with a smile, the cold breeze of the air conditioner tickling Rayan's skin. "Do you want me to  take your bag to your room?" Annie asked. "No, its Oki. I'm going there now." Rayan said as she  smiled at her before climbing the stairs.

 

She entered her room and  threw herself on her bed. The first thing she did was check her phone for any new notifications. She found that she had received one new dm and she quickly checked  it.

 

@Hamad: Hey. How's school? I don't know why I found myself thinking about you in class:p.

 

Rayan smiled as she felt like the most special girl in the world.

 

@Rayan: It was good. The thought of you never left my head. Coincidence?:p

 

Just then, Hamad called.  She chuckled as she answered. "Aloo?" she said. She heard Hamad's laugh on the other side of the  phone as he asked how she has been. "I'm good,tawney rada mn el'madresa ou maley helg abadel." she said. Hamad laughed, "Yal 3ayouuz yallah badlay." he said. Rayan laughed. "Hah shfeech teth7keen? Lei hal'daraja atha7ek ya3ney?" Hamad said with a wide smile on his face. He was happy to know that he makes her laugh without even trying.

 

"Enzain Hamadu ana atghada ou akalmek Oki?" Rayan said and Hamad said he'll call her later.

 

 

2 weeks later..

 

Ramadan is the day of family gatherings. Rayan was lying in bed, bbming Hamad. Ever since the day she opened up to him, they've been doing nothing but  telling each other everything. They talk to each other 24/7. Hamad calls her before she goes to sleep and wishes her a good night. And he wakes her up every morning to wish her a good day at school. Rayan hasn't been crying because Hamad is doing an excellent job at drawing a smile on her face. Their bbm conversation went like this:

 

Hamad:

Wain betrou7een el'youm?

 

Rayan:

Fe6ourna b'bait yadtey, b3dain bait yadtey el'thanya b3dain maktab obouy msaween nafs 3asha fa barou7.

 

Hamad:

Ohh ya3ney bashoufech:D

 

Rayan:

9ej? Yaayy:D

 

Hamad:

Ee:p. 3ad i miss you..

 

Rayan:

Yal 3ayaarr:p

 

Hamad:

Wallah mn 9jey:o

 

Rayan blushed. Hamad was always this nice to her. Rayan was busy preparing for the first day of  Ramadan and Hamad was out to get his new deshdasha from the tailor. Rayan took a refreshing hot shower and stood in front of the mirror. Her hair had grown longer and she had put on some weight.

 

She sprayed some hair protection on her hair and quickly blow dried it. She decided to curl it into big loose curls with a side part and a side french braid on the other side. She slipped into her beautiful white french maxi dress which carried little details from the Kuwaiti tradition, and wore a double wrap belt and tied it into a bow. She paired her outfit with her favourite pump from Miu Miu. Rayan decided to go with simple makeup insisted of bronzer, peachy blush, thick winged eye liner and nude lipstick. She took a final look in the mirror before going to her father, who was impatiently waiting in the living room.

 

"Yah yah sh'hal zaain." her father said once he laid his eyes on his beautiful daughter. Rayan chuckled, "Yallah?" she said. Her father took a final look at her and smiled before leading the way to his car. He was proud of his daughter. She was strong, beautiful and independent. And in his heart, he knew that Jenan would have been proud of her too.

 

They first headed to her dad's side of the family to have fu6our. They had a pleasant time and Rayan was happy to see her cousins. Everyone complimented her dress and her hair. She felt confident and happy.

 

After visiting her mother's side of the family, it was time to head to her father's office for the dinner they were having. She was nervous and happy. She bbm-ed Hamad and said that she was on her way. Can't wait, Hamad said.

 

"Tra Abdullah mawjoud hnak." her father said before parking the car. "9ej?" Rayan asked in desblief.

She missed Abdullah, but she was looking forward to spending some time with Hamad. "Eeh. Ana 3azma." her father said, luckily he didn't notice the expressions on Rayan's face or else he would have suspected something.

 

Rayan walked behind her father as they both entered the building. Her eyes landed on Hamad who was looking extra attractive in his deshdasha and ghetra, looking so ingrossed in his conversation with another man.

 

"Nawaarr el'mukan." Abdullah said cheerfully and Rayan was startled. "Shfeech? Tra ma kan qa9dey akhar3ech." Abdullah said and Rayan chuckled. "Shlounech?" Abdullah asked. "Tmaam." Rayan said as her eyes were scanning the place for Hamad.

 

She thought he might have left, until her eyes met his. He had an irritated expression on his face and he didn't loo so happy to see her anymore.

 

 

Confessions.24

Hamad was quiet for a second. "Laa tgoulin chthey. Hatha ely allah katbah. Ma kentay ra7 tegdreen tghayreen shay." he said and Rayan was convinced. She let out a breathe as she said "I just miss her."  Hamad tried to cheer her up but it was no use. "Tell me what's on your mind." he said and Rayan let out a chuckle. "You don't want to know." she said. "I do." he said in response. And Rayan decided there's no harm in letting a stranger inside her head for once.

 

"Madrey. A7es law ehia lail7een mawjouda, things would be different." she said, leaving Hamad completely blank. "Shloun ya3ney?" he said. There was silence on Rayan's side, but then she spoke. "I wouldn't be talking to you ya3ney. She wouldn't let me." she said, her voice emotionless. "Ohh." Hamad said, hurt. In his head, he was making up excuses for Rayan, she's in a fragile state of mind and she shouldn't be blamed. She lost her best friend, and Hamad understood that. He didn't want to push her into saying anything anymore.

 

A million thoughts were running in Hamad's head, but they were interrupted by Rayan's sobbing. "Shfeeech?!" he suddenly said, alarmed. "Maadrey. Walhana 3laiha 7aail Hamad. Madrey shbasawey bedounha." she said in between sobs, struggling to catch her own breath. Hamad tried to think of something smart to say, but nothing came to his mind so he decided to stay quiet. "Khala9 3ayal akalmek b3dain." Rayan said after sobbing for what seemed like 5 minutes. "Laaa laa wain wain?" Hamad said, not wanting to end this phone call, not just yet.

"I don't want to say anything that might hurt you. I'm sorry, I didn't mean it." she said with pure gilt. "Laa 3adey. Mabena sorry. Mara7 asedah ou entay chthey." he said in a stern voice. Rayan let out a chuckle, "Is this you caring or just being nice?" she asked, being silly. Hamad chuckled as he said: "Laa I care."

Rayan blushed as she  replied, "Why do you care? You barely know me." she said, trying to be as nice as possible. Hamad went quiet for a couple of seconds but then gathered all the strength in his as he spoke, "Because, Rayan, I think I have a crush on you. You're beautiful mashallah. You're very nice to people and I don't think you deserve to be sad. And you shouldn't be crying, so smile." he said.

Rayan's cheeks were flushed red. She smiled like an idiot. "Thank you." she said, shy as ever. "Esta7aitay ha?" Hamad asked as they both laughed. Even when Hamad was talking to Rayan on the phone, he still couldn't stop thinking about her. He imagined her smile, the way she laughed, or how she looked around when she was shy, the way she would run her fingers through her hair when she was nervous or the way she smiled at him every time their eyes met.

Rayan excused herself and said that her father was calling her. Hamad made Rayan promise that she'll try her best to smile and be happy and believe that it happened for a reason. After they hung up, Rayan smiled, letting what just happened sink in before walking out with a dorky smile on her face. She let out a happy shriek as she walked her way to where her father was, "Shenu 3ashana?" she asked with her hand on her stomach, indicating that she's starving. "Madrey shoufay shenu tabeen. Pizza?" he asked while his eyes were still glued to his computer screen. "Eeeh! Bas enta deg e6leb, ana ast7ey." she said as she laughed, knowing that her father would laugh too, which he did.

Meanwhile, as soon as Hamad hung up, he stretched his hand as he grabbed the charger and plugged it into his blackberry. He checked his bbm notifications, scrolling through uninterestedly and deleting some broadcasts. He entered the chat with Fay, which went like this:

Fay:
7amadeny:p

Hamad:
3younaaaa?

Fay:
Can you call me? I miss you:(

Hamad rolled his eyes as he decided to call her before she gets suspicious. He had to scroll through his recently called list until he got to her number which was saved simply "Fay". After the first ring, Fay's voice sang "Aloo." To Hamad, her once beautiful voice that used to cheer him up, now feels so squeaky and annoying. "Ahlain..." he said, "Shlounech?".

"Tmam. Enta shlounek 7abeebey?" Fay asked in a dalou3a tone which is now getting on Hamad's nerves. "Ana tamam." he said. "7abeebey?" Fay said. Hamad mentally cursed himself for calling her. "Hlaa?" he said as he sighed, making it obvious for Fay that he wasn't in the mood for her lovey dovey talks. "Welaht 3laik." she said, pouting. Usually, when Fay said that, it would make Hamad the happiest man alive. But now, he feels nothing but annoyance. "7eta ana welaht 3laich 7abeebtey." he said, not really meaning it. Fay let out a dalou3a laugh, and Hamad thought it was nothing compared to Rayan's beautiful feminine laugh. "3endey kha6 thaney. B3dain adeg 3laich." Hamad said out of the blue. He never regretted lying to Fay, he would do whatever it takes to get rid of her. He didn't want to break up with her, she was a pretty girl. But he was incapable of looking past her outer beauty.

He hung up on her without saying goodbye. Fay was hurt and he knew it, but he had no intentions in apologizing to her.

Later that night, Rayan and her father were seated on the dining table, eating their pepperoni pizza silently. "Shrayech tyeen m3ay London?" her father asked and Rayan almost choked on her food, "Ma agoul la2..." she said, "Bas laish? Sh3endik? Ou meta?". They both laughed as her father explained to her that he was invited to a formal dinner by one of the engineers who once worked with him on one of his projects.

Normally, he would have taken his wife with him but now they're divorced. "Wadait awrag omey?" Rayan asked out of the blue. Her father's expressions turned from happy and excited to sad. "Eeh." he said as he looked Rayan in the eye. "Laish ma ga3adtay 3endaha?" he asked. Rayan didn't know the exact answer to that, but she knew that she wanted to stay with her father. She just shrugged her shoulders and her father didn't ask any more questions.

"El7emdillah." her father said as he pushed back his chair and stood up to leave. "Namay mbacher haa. Bacher warach madresa." he said before walking away. Rayan stood up to as she picked up the two plates and the pizza and took them to the kitchen. She then headed to her room, where she changed into her over sized sweater and some shorts. She picked up her phone as she slipped under the sheets. Her notification section indicated that she had new twitter activity.

She quickly checked them first, one was a mention from one of the spam accounts. She reported that account for spamming and then checked her dm.

@Hamad: Hey. Wanna talk? On the phone x_x. Before you sleep ya3ney:p.

She smiled at how cheesy and cute that was. She replied with: I can manage 10 minutes before bed for you:p. She then switched to bbm, not to reply to her unread conversations, but to try and calm her brain before Hamad calls. No matter how calm and comfortable she may seem, she was a nervous wreck inside. Once she saw the LED of her phone go on, her heart skipped a beat. She checked the dm as she started chuckling uncontrollably.

@Hamad: Oki tell me when to call. And stop smiling.

She smiled, its like he knew her too well when he actually didn't know a thing. She kindly asked him to call her as she put down her phone in front of her, waiting for Hamad to call. She closed her eyes and tried to calm herself. She waited for 3 minutes exactly. And then her phone started vibrating on her bed, she smiled as she pressed it against her ear. "Aloo?" she said, with a shy chuckle.

"El'salam 3laikum." Hamad said, seriousness in his tone. "3alaikum el'salam" she said in almost a whisper. "Ya36eech el3afya." Hamad said, "Allah y3afeek." Rayan replied while giggling. "Rayan?" Hamad asked, still keeping his tone serious. "Eeeh." Rayan said, and she mentally slapped herself and desperately wanted to stop giggling. "Eeeh mama ana ta7at jeeb sambosa ou falafel." Hamad said in an Indian accent, still holding his laugh. Rayan burst into laughter. Hamad laughed too and it helped Rayan loosen up.

"Shlounech?" he asked. "Tmam el7emdillah..." Rayan said after she finished giggling, "Enta shlounek?" Hamad let out a sigh, "Amana? Shloun ma a9eer zain 3gb ma asma3 hal'tha7ka ou hal9out?" he said. Rayan laughed so hard as she exclaimed: "3ayaaar." Hamad laughed too and Rayan thought that his loud manly laugh was just adorable. Hamad started asking her questions about her age, school, location, friends. "Eeeh eeh ta7qeeq." he said as they both laughed. Rayan answered all his questions and he answered hers too.  They laughed every once in a while. Hamad had a wonderful sense of humor and his personality makes everyone around him just adore him.

After spending an hour of endless laughter and silly conversations, "Kel hatha 10 minutes ha? Shoufay shkther 9arlena." he said. Rayan giggled as she pulled the phone away from her ear and her jaw almost fell. It indicated that they had spent exactly 63 minutes talking on the phone and none of them realized it. She giggled more when she heard Hamad laughing on the other side of the phone. "Yallah 3ayal akhaleech tnameen, bacher warach madresa." he said and Rayan frowned. She surely didn't want to end this phone call, but Hamad was right. "Oki..." she said, "Good night." Hamad wished her a good night too and promised he would call her tomorrow.

Rayan hung up on Hamad as she rested her head on the pillow. Tomorrow, she was gonna face the world for one more day, she had to pull through high school on her own for one more day. But tomorrow, she will have Hamad by her side, to talk to, to laugh with and just be silly with. She still didn't know if he was trustworthy. But he made her feel happy, he made her smile and laugh, he made her feel like the luckiest girl alive. And for that,she fell for him, hard.

Cofessions.23

 

Rayan walked inside her modern furnitured house and headed down the hallway, to her dad's room. She got in without knocking and found her dad lying on the bed with his iphone in his hand. "Ahlaain! Walaht 3alaich." her dad said as he hugged Rayan and tried to mess her perfectly slicked ponytail. rayan laughed as she pushed his hands away and kissed his forehead. "Gelt tabeeney asa3dek?" she asked once she sat down next t him. "Eeeh yuba abeech tsa3deeney bel'powerpoint. Ma 3endey wagt asaweeh." he said as locked the screen of his phone. "Enshallah. Abadel ou ayeek." she said as she excused herself.

 

She locked the door of her room after she got in and tossed her stuff on the bed, not caring that her blackberry almost fell on the floor. She lay down on her bed, letting out a sigh. She stayed like that for a couple of minutes then decided to help her father and get this day over with. Rayan grabbed one of her jogging pants and a tank top and put them on. She messily tied her hair in a high bun as she made her way to her dad's office, where she found him already waiting for her.

 

"Kaachh!" her father said, as his face lit up once he saw her. Rayan chuckled as she sat in his comfy leather chair. "Abeech tsaweeley powerpoint feh taqreeban 20 slides. Ou b3dain abeech tsa3deeney nakteb l'speech Oki?" her father said as he showed her the notes where he had all the information written. "Enshallah" Rayan said as she took a breath, getting ready to start. Her father playfully slapped her head, "Shasawey bedounech ana?" he said. Rayan smiled as she started working.

 

After 3 hours of inserting all the information and organizing them and timing them so her father had enough time to explain, she was done. "YUBAAAA!..." she yelled, "KHALA9T. TA3AL SHOUF.". Her father came into the office with a huge grin plastered on his face. "Wareeney." he said as he stood by Rayan and she started the powerpoint she had worked hard on.

 

He hugged after it was over and thanked her numerous times. "Shrayech ta6lbeen baskin robbins?" he asked. "Shrayek nrou7 net3asha barra?" Rayan asked back and they both chuckled. "Oki rou7ay badlay." her father said, it was his way of saying thank you. "Wla tadrey shloun?Mabey 3sha. Fe jan6a mn Marc Jacobs abeek ta6lebley eyaha." she said as she gave him her famous puppy eyes which she knew her father would never say no to. He sighed, and she knew that this was his way of saying yes. She quickly sat back in the chair as she clicked on google chrome and entered Marc Jacobs' official website. She moved the mouse and entered the "New collection" link. "Hathey." she said as she smiled at her father. It was a classic bag that was med-size shaped with rolled top handles and an adjustable shoulder strap. Her father examined the details. "Rayouna hathey feha waiting list. Met2akda tabeenha?" her father  asked and Rayan nodded excitedly. "Oki 3ayal goumay. Enshallah al7een a7e6 esmich 3al'waiting list." he said as he sat down in his warm chair once Rayan stood up. "Work your magic. Ma7eb an6er wayed." Rayan said with the puppy eyes, again. Her father laughed as he said that he will do his best.

 

She went back to her room with a smile plastered on her face, she grabbed her phone as she noticed the twitter notification. Her smile grew wider as she unlocked it and quickly checked the dm.
@Hamad: I'm free now. Awal shay, shlounech?

She replied with: Tmam el7emdillahm, how are you?. It was a minute exactly until she got her reply and she just pictured Hamad's face as he was typing it.

@Hamad: Tmam damech tmam. Enzain khalay 3anech kel hatha, gouliley shfeech?:p.

Rayan smiled, she decided to wait a couple of minutes just to get her thoughts in order. She clicked on Hamad's profile. His following were more than his followers. She checked his tweets, they were random song lyrics. She checked his avatar as she blushed for some reason. It was a picture taken in London, she recognized the streets and Harrods in the background. Hamad was wearing grey chinos with a navy pullover with the cap on his head. His smile was wide and he had his hand wrapped around his sister's shoulder. She guessed it was his sister because they looked alike. He had a well groomed beard and it made him look so good. His sister had thick black hair that reached her shoulders. They both had the same beautiful eyes and the same features. She smiled at the picture and then decided to reply to Hamad's dm.

@Rayan:  Mafeeney shay:p. Salfa 7ail 6weela.

And with that,, she pressed send. She didn't want to hurt Hamad's feelings, after all, he was only concerned.

They kept on dm'ing each other, Hamad kept asking what's wrong and Rayan didn't feel like telling the story. The dialogue went like this.

@Hamad: Betgouleen wla shloun?

@Rayan: Shlouuun?:p

@Hamad: Rayoun mn 9jey. Tell me what's wrong.

@Rayan: Hamad el'salfa 7ail 6weela. It will bore you:p.

@Hamad: Try me, please. I really want to know.

And with that Rayan felt like he cared. Like he really wants to know, and not because he's just curious. So she started typing the whole story, typing it with short sentences cause twitter does not allow more than 140 letters per dm.

@Rayan: I used to have this friend. We were so close. She was closer to me than both my parents, combined. I loved her. Kanat tyaanin 7ail ou 6ayba ou 3la neyat'haa...

@Hamad: Oki? That's good, isn't it.

No it's not, Rayan thought. and she continued typing.

@Rayan: No it's not, Because almost 2 months ago. We were in a car crash and she died. And I miss her so much. It feels like its all my fault. I shouldn't have asked her to come with me. I wish it was me. She was the good person, not me. She deserves to live more than I do. It gets so lonely, I need her as much as you need air to breathe..

She stopped typing as she felt the tears slowly trickling down her cheeks. The tears exploded in her eyes, she tried closing her eyes to keep them from spilling on her cheeks but she couldn't. She stood up as she walked around her room, trying to calm herself down. She took a look in the mirror, breathed in deeply as she slowly observed the tears make their way down. She slid down along the mirror as she cried harder and hugged her knees. She needed to breathe and calm down, and that's when she felt her phone vibrate on her bed.

She stretched her body and extended her arm as she grabbed her blackberry. She only had one new notification, and it was a dm on twitter. She opened it up and almost gasped when she read the 4 dm's Hamad had sent her.

@Hamad: Go on..

@Hamad: Wain re7tay? If you're busy, just tell me.

@Hamad: You're not crying right??

@Hamad: Rayan, your number. NOW!!!

She hesitated at first, but she had this thought in her head: that Hamad's voice would help make the pain go away. She wanted to desperately believe it. She typed in the eight digits of her number as she pressed send and tossed the phone on her bed. In mere seconds, her phone started ringing. She smiled ever so weakly as she picked it up.

"Aloo?" she said with a weak, almost unnoticeable chuckle. "Ahlain." Hamad said and his voice sounded soft, caring and concerned. Rayan kept quiet, not finding the right words to say. "La tabcheen..." Hamad suddenly said, "9ej ena ma n3aref ba3ath 3adel, bas thag khelgey 3laich wallah." and he let out a sigh. She was breathing differently, she was crying silently and Hamad noticed. "Rayouna laa tabcheen. Please. She's in a better place. Just pray for her." he said.

"Why don't you get it? It's not easy Oki! Everything reminds me of her! Wayed a7ateeha! I can't stop thinking about it! Te3aqadt Oki? Ehiaa kanat kelah tgoul tabey tet7ajab, bas allah khatha amanat'ha gbl ma tsawey ely b'kha6erha! Ballah ma teshahedat gbl ma tmout? Shtabeeney asawey Hamad? Maney gadra ansaa." she said, as she broke into tears.

Confessions.22

 

As the rays of sunlight temporarily blinded Rayan, she tried to figure out how she got here. The last thing she remembered was resting her head on the kitchen table with Abdullah by her side, and now she finds herself in Abdullah's room. She looked around and noticed a mattress on the floor,  she guessed Abdullah had slept on the floor last night. Cute.

 

Something was vibrating and it was getting on Rayan's nerve. She got up and spread her hands, feeling the bed, trying to sense what is vibrating and where. Her hands landed on a phone, she pulled it out and smiled, Abdullah must have brought it with her.

 

She quickly unlocked it as she entered the bbm application. The most recent chat was with Abdullah, he sent her numerous pings and a "good morning sunshine" text. She didn't check when that text was received, she was about to reply to it with a silly happy smile on her face but was surprised when Abdullah walked through the door. She looked at what he had in his hands, surprised. "Original latte, decaf, double shot and a 7aloum sandwech..." he said, "Bel3afia ya 7elwa." and he winked at her. Rayan's jaw almost fell. He was being nice again, he was being the old Abdullah again.

 

Rayan got up and borrowed one of Abdullah's clean tshirts. She went downstairs where Abdullah had her sandwich and latte properly served to her on the table. She remembered that she had a twitter notification that she didn't check. Stuffing her mouth with her sandwich, she slipped her blackberry out of her pockets and unlocked it. Once she opened up the twitter application and noticed that there was an unread dm, she smiled automatically. She took a deep breath as she read what the dm said.

 

@Hamad: Good morning you! Sorry I couldn't deliver my promise, your dad kept me busy haha:p. Wanna talk today? Anytime you're free, hit me up!

 

She smiled as she started typing her reply.

 

@Rayan: Good morning to you too:p. Its fine,  and yes, my dad tends to do that lol:p. I'm free for the whole day, tell me when YOU are free:p.

 

She typed as she pressed send. She started tapping her fingers on the table and shaking her leg, impatiently waiting for Hamad's reply.

Meanwhile, Hamad was pouring boiling water in his cup of insta-coffee powder. He was spending his weekend in his parent's chalet, hoping to get some fresh air and a chance to spend some time with his friend , Zaid. He grabbed hold of his mug and headed out the door to join Zaid, sitting outside on the shore. "Sa3a? Kel hatha gahwa?" Zaid asked annoyed but in a joking tone. "Eskit enta b3ad. Mo nage9 7annetek." Hamad said in reply. He sunk his feet in the sand, as he pulled his phone out of his baggy pants which he wore when he was sleeping. He checked his notifications and smiled as he saw that he had a new twitter dm. He quickly opened it and read it with a smile. "Teth7ak 7ag menu ent?" Zaid said as he snatchd the blackberry out of Hamad's hands. "Haaaa mn waraay 7amoud! Mno hathey?" Zaid asked while entering her profile and waiting for her avatar to load. Hamad quickly grabbed his phone forcefully, before Rayan's avatar loaded. "Wa7da." Hamad said. "Laa e7lif! 3blaey wa7ed! Shloun chtheyy?" Zaid said in a sarcastic tone and Hamad laughed. "Malek sheghl." he said and Zaid just kept quiet.

@Hamad: I'm free now. Awal shay, shlounech?:p

Hamad typed quickly and pressed the enter button to send. Hamad switched from the twitter application to bbm as he scrolled through his unread conversations. Most of them were this girls that didn't even interest Hamad. He was searching  for one chat particularly, he had to go through his contacts twice before he found the person he wanted to talk to. He clicked on the persons profile as his finger flew over the touch screen of his Blackberry torch and clicked on the display picture.

It was a picture of a girl, wearing red skinny jeans and a white tucked in button down top. She was wearing bold red lipstick and thick eye liner. Her face was flawless and her ash brown hair fell perfectly without her even trying. She was pouting as her big brown eyes looked straight at the camera with a hand on her hip. He sighed as he pressed the back button twice and it took him back to the his contacts list. He opened up a new chat with her as he slowly began typing.

Hamad:
Hala bel7elwa;p.

He knew he didn't have to wait long for her to reply, she was the kind of girl that had her phone in her hand all the time and quickly replies to people. It only took her a minute to reply to Hamad.

Fay:
Ahlain:p. Shlounek?x

Hamad smiled, too easy.

Hamad:
Tmam. Entay shlounech?;p

Fay:
Tmam damek tmam x

Hamad:
3saaaaaaaa;p

Fay:
Lool weyak:p

Hamad:
Fayouna mn zman mo shayfech b360.. wainech ma tbayneen?;p


Back to Rayan, she was getting ready to go back home because her father called and said that he needed her help with something. "Namay 3endna marra thanya l'sbou3 3el'yay." Abdullah said as he was standing behind her while she was fixing her hair in the mirror. "Affa 3alaik..." she said, "Cham Abdullah 3endey?" she said as she chuckled. And Abdullah actually started wondering how many men named Abdullah Rayan might know. He managed to smile at her before giving her his back and walking away.

Rayan picked up her phone to call her driver and kindly as him to pick her up, but first, she had to check the dm she got. After reading it she replied with: Tmam el7emdillah, thank you for asking. How are you? Rayan wondered what Hamad could possibly be doing, and she wondered if  her ever thought of her yesterday.

Sitting in the car, she tried digesting everything that happened with Abdullah. She realized that he cared about her, and she liked the way it felt. He made her happy, and she liked that too. It felt like Abdullah might have a thing for Rayan, but she pushed any possibilty of that out of her head as she closed her eyes and hoped for a 5 minute nap.

Confessions.21

Rayan was so excited, she was skipping her way to her room. She grabbed an over sized sweater with her favorite pajama shorts, her ipod, her mcbook and walked outside to Abdullah. "Enzain 76eehum b'jan6a." he said with a chuckle once he saw how Rayan was carrying her stuff. She laughed as she said "Maley khelg b3ad shenu."  Abdullah extended his arm to grab hold of Rayan's stuff and she looked at him with a "Shda3wa i got this." look. "Mo nawya tbadleen?" he said as he laughed and shook his head at her. She looked down at her clothes and realized that she was wearing her "in the house" clothes. "3 minutes." she said as she ran inside the house and left Abdullah with a silly smile on his face.

She changed into one of her v-necks and some jogging pants along with her Nike sneakers and ran outside. "4 minutes." Abdullah said while looking at his watch, looking as serious as ever. "Shda3wa fregat 60 seconds?" Rayan said as she playfully smacked the back of his head. He laughed as he unlocked his car and held the door open for Rayan. She was shy at first but the she told herself that it was just Abdullah being nice. Abdullah got in, he ignited the engine then turned to look at Rayan, "Lebsay l7zam." he said and Rayan obeyed. As he started driving, Rayan inhaled deeply, taking in the smell of Abdullah's perfume that she guessed was sprayed all over the car, Silver scent. She looked at Abdullah who was smiling while driving. She chuckled at the expressions he had on his face, but he was drowned in his thoughts. She looked at the back seats and noticed a baseball cap, a hoodie and some cigarette packs. She grabbed the cap and put it on her straight hair as she pouted in the rareview mirror and Abdullah laughed.

She turned on the radio and Omg by Usher was blasting through the speakers. "Allaaah!" she said in excitement as turned up the volume. She was banging her head and Abdullah would look at her every once in a while and just laugh. "Honey looking wonderful. Fly, so fly..." Abdullah suddenly started singing and Rayan laughed, she didn't expect him to know the lyrics."Ohhh, baby you got it all..." Rayan continued singing, while giving him her "I'm famous" impression. "Sexy from her head to toe..." Abdullah said as he looked at Rayan and she playfully slapped him. "3aaib 3aaib." she said in between laughter. Abdullah kept one hand on the wheel as he used the other pull the cap off Rayan's head and ruin Rayan's perfectly side parted hair but she kept on ducking, trying to keep his hands away.

The whole ride consisted of them singing the lyrics to their favorite songs, teasing each other and laughing. They reached Abdullah's home, and Rayan took a deep breath as she stood in front of the house, lost in her own world. In her mind, she imagined Jenan by her side and they were making their way inside, getting ready for a sleepover, But she was pulled back to reality by Abdullah's voice asking if she was Oki.  "Eeeh mafeeney shay. Omek mawjouda? Walhanaa 3laiha!" she said with a smile plastered on her face. "Eeh mawjouda, geltlaha enich betnameen 3endna chan testanes. T3arfeen omey b3ad." he said with a chuckle as he handed Rayan her macbook and opened the door with his keys.

"Tawaa ma nawar el'bait." yelled Jenan's mother, Hessa, from the living room which was to their left. Rayan quickly placed her macbook and ipod that she was carrying in her hands on the table  next to the front door as she ran and hugged Hessa. "Shlounech 7abeebtey? Weeh shfeech chthey tha3fanaa? Wain fkhouthech ra7aw?" Hessa said while examining Rayan. Everyone in the room laughed and Rayan's cheeks were burning red. "Haw khaltey shfeech, wallah la tha3fana wla shay. Entaw shlounkum? Ambeh walhana 3laikum." Rayan said as her voice slowly shaked, she really missed Jenan's parents. She gave Hessa a long mother/daughter hug and she kissed her head. She turned around to see Jenan's father, Jassem, sitting there while smiling. She kissed his forehead, "Shlounek 3amey?" she said as she plopped down on the couch. Just when he was about to answer, his iphone rang and he looked at Rayan, "Tefathal. 6oul 3umrek business man." Rayan said as she made Abdullah laugh.

Hessa excused herself too, she said that she was heading to her sister's home. Jassem left for a meeting, so Abdullah and Rayan had the place for themselves. Abdullah looked at her with a smile and hint of evilness in his smile. "3endey fekraa naaaarrr." he said and Rayan gave him a questioning look. He took off, running to his room. Rayan laughed at how goofy he is when he's ecxcited. She waited for a matter of minutes until Abdullah called her from the upstairs, "Rayoun! T3alay yallaah!" he said. Rayan sighed, "3baid maley khelg. Enta t3aaal please."  she said, whining. Abdullah didn't reply, and that meant that she didn't have any other choice.

She walked upstairs, "Abdullah?" she said, her voice echoing through the empty house. "Hney hneyyy" Abdullah said, and she followed his voice. It led her to the living room in Abdullah's suite,  which used to be Jenan's too, but isn't anymore. She laughed, "Mn 9ejik?" she asked. "Tathkreeen?" he said as he laughed along.

Abdullah had his speakers connected to Rayan's ipod, which he grabbed while he was coming upstairs. A couple of years ago, Jenan, Rayan and Abdullah would set up the speakers when the house is empty and crank up the volume and just sing.

Abdullah pressed play on Rayan's ipod and Domino by Jessie J blasted through the speakers. Rayan laughed as she and Abdullah fist pumped in the air. "EVERY SECOND IS A HIGHLIGHT!" Rayan sang from the top of her lungs. "WHEN WE TOUCH, DON'T EVER LET ME GO!" Abdullah continued and they both laughed uncontrollably. "DIRTY DANCING IN THE MOONLIGHT!" Rayan continued where Abdullah stopped. He suddenly threw one of the cushions at her, "3AAIB." he yelled, his voice almost unhearable because of the loud music. Rayan was dancing and singing the lyrics to the song.

They spent the next 3 hours just doing that, singing, dancing and laughing. Hessa came back home with their dinner from KFC. While having a peaceful dinner, Rayan offered  they sleep in the living room, just like old times. They all laughed, remembering the jokes and pranks they  would pull when they slept  in the living room. Each grabbed his pillow and covers and reserved a place on the couch. Abdullah, being the man he is, decided to sleep on the floor, to give Rayan the space she needs and so she doesn't feel uncomfortable.

After changing into their pajma's, Hessa started telling stories about her past, how this generation is nothing like theirs. Rayan drifted to sleep, unaware that she slept in the middle of their conversation. But she wished she didn't.

She found herself  in the streets, the noise of cars all around her. She turned around to see 2 cars that were crashed into each other. The scene was empty, no one bothering to stop or provide help. But suddenly, in a blink of an eye, it was crowded and it was too hard  for her to breathe. People were blocking her vision, she lightly pushed everyone out of the way, unable to say a single  word. It slowly came to her realization that the scene she was looking at, was the same scene she survived. Ambulance sirens were getting closer with every breath Rayan took. She was completely numb, no thoughts in her head, just staring blankly at everything that's happening in front of her. Paramedics quickly ran to the car that was damaged most, the car that Jenan and Rayan were in. They started asking questions, and a voice answered back. It was weak and shaky, Rayan could tell that the person was scared. "Oki, don't worry. We'll get you out of here." the man said as he ushered for the other paramedics, he said he needed some help. Rayan wanted to lift her hands and cover her ears, block the noise. She wanted to  to cover her eyes using her hands, to avoid looking because she knew that what she would see would haunt her forever. But she couldn't, she had no control over her own body. It was like she was forced to watch. She saw the paramedics carefully pulling out a body, a girl. Rayan looked closely and then it hit her, Jenan. Her once perfectly curled hair was greasy with blood. Rayan noticed that her Pearly white dress was stained with blood, and she had cuts on her head. "The glass cut into her head, we need to get her to the hospital, fast!" she heard a paramedic say and it tears started choking her. She felt like she was watching life crawl out of Jenan's body. She just stood there, watching her best friend take her last breaths, and she couldn't help but wonder what her last thoughts were. She wanted to wake up, she didn't want to watch anymore. She broke down right  there, screaming and yelling, but no one heard her. It felt like she was invisible, like no one feels her existence.

She woke up, suddenly unable to catch her breath. She started crying silently, she didn't want to wake Abdullah, who was sleeping peacefully on the cold marble floors of the living room. She covered her face with her hands. Its just a dream. She wiped away the river of tears with the back of her hand as she stood up carefully. She didn't want Abdullah to wake up and whitness the tears on here eyes, she didn't want him to see her weakness.

She sat at the kitchen table, a cold water bottle in her hands. She tried digesting what she just saw in her dream, what did it mean? And was that really what happened? Those were questions she knew she would never have the answers to.

The lights suddenly flicked on and she turned around to see Abdullah standing there, scratching the back of his neck with only one eye open. She didn't make any eye contact but quickly looked away as she wiped her tears. "Shfeech?" he asked, as he stretched. She decided to give into it, open up to him and see what his reaction would be. She needed to talk about it to someone, someone who understood. He noticed her red eyes and the sniffing sounds she made. He sighed as he pulled a chair and sat next to  her. "3adey, 7ta ana 9ar feeney chthey." he said, as if he knew what she just saw. They just sat there, not saying a word and Abdullah suddenly placed his hand on top of Rayan's.

"I'm here for you." he said softly in her ears, and it felt so comforting.

 

Confessions.20

After running around and teasing each other and laughing every once in a while, they found themselves sitting on the living room's floor, with a bowl of ice cream in their  laps. Rayan had her favorite chocolate ice cream and Abdullah was enjoying his mango flavored ice cream. They were eating silently and embracing the moment. Rayan took in Abdullah's features, he had the biggest brown eyes and the natural golden skin. She noticed that he was growing his hair and his beard too. His smile was breathtaking, his teeth were pearly white and perfectly straight. He took up boxing when he was 19, which explains his fit body. Abdullah was uncomfortable in his deshdasha, he kept moving around, trying to find a comfortable spot, which made Rayan laugh. He surrendered as he got up and sat on one of the kitchen counters, leaving Rayan on the floor.

 

Rayan heard someone walk in the house, "Rayaaaan.Wainech?" her mother yelled from the living room. Abdullah quickly put away the ice cream bowl as he stood up and held out a hand for Rayan, she grabbed his hand and stood up. Abdullah smiled at Rayan, she held his hand for the first time which meant that the awkwardness was gone. Rayan walked out of the kitchen to greet her mother. She was followed by Abdullah, who Rayan's mother was surprised to see. "Shlounek Abdullah? Shloun omek?" she asked. "Tmam el7emdillah, tsalem 3laich" he said, keeping his eyes on the floor. Everyone was silent for a minute so Abdullah excused himself and said he needed to make a phone call. Rayan watched him silently as he walked out of the door, he took one last glance at Rayan, "Rayouona ana an6erich bel7adeeqa Oki? Ekhthay ra7tech." he said before shutting the door behind him.

 

Rayn's mother quickly walked past her and into her room, with Rayan following her silently. She started taking out her clothes from the closet and placing them messily on the bed. "Rou7ay yeebeley jan6a mn el'makhzan. Abey kbeera." Rayan's mother ordered. Rayan looked at her in denial, was her mother really doing this? "Laish? Yuma malah da3ey kel shay yen7al tra." she said, and she felt her jaw start shaking. She didn't want to face reality.

 

"Elaa hal'shay! Bas khlaa9 Rayan magder at7amal akthar mn chthey! Obuch ma sawa shay bas e7na 9ayreen ma netwa6an!" Rayan's mother said as she started crying. Rayan didn't know whether she should hug her mother or talk her out of it. She obeyed her mothers orders and brought her the biggest travel bag they had. "Entay b3ad rou7ay ekhthay hdoumech." Rayan's mother said and Rayan started crying. She didn't want to leave her father, she didn't want to leave this house. She didn't want to be forced to choose just one parent. "Mabey..." Rayan said in a stern voice after she wiped away her own tears, "ana bag3ad 3end obuy."

 

Her mother at looked at her, surprised. "3balech obuch yadrey 3anech? Ne6ray 3alaih cham youm, khl ygoulolah ena yabounah yrou7 bussines trip ou bashouf bykhaleech 3end menu." Rayan's mother said as she zipped up her bag and walked out of the door, leaving Rayan alone with her thoughts.  What if what her mother just said was true? Would her father really leave her alone? Rayan knew that her thoughts were playing tricks on her, but it was almost believable.

 

She walked out of her parents room. While making her way outside, she saw her mother in her sisters room. She was packing some clothes for Dalia too. Rayan quickly picked up her pace and almost ran to the garden. Once she saw Abdullah, she tensed up. He was smoking a cigarette but when he noticed Rayan, he quickly put it out. "Mn meta?"  Rayan asked in disgust. Abdullah sighed, "Mn tweafat Jenan." he said, avoiding eye contact, not daring to look in Rayan's eyes.

 

Rayan slowly pulled a chair as she sat down. She rested her head on the table, crying silently because of what her mother just told her, and because she missed Jenan terribly. If Jenan didn't get in the car with Rayan, none of this would have happened, and Abdullah wouldn't be smoking right now. The smell of cigarettes made its way to Rayan's nostrills, and it only made Rayan cry a little harder.

 

"Rayouna?" Abdullah said, as he he sat  down next to her. "Shfeech? Gouliley. Kalmeeney." he said, the tone in his voice made Rayan feel like she was a 4 year old who was upset because she lost her favorite doll. Abdullah treated her like she was fragile, like she would break down any minute. Rayan kept sobbing and Abdullah didn't pressure her.

 

"Byt6alegoun 9a7?" he suddenly said, and Rayan looked up at him with a look that said "how did you know". He took a deep breathe as he looked in her eyes, "7sait." he said, but Rayan wasn't convinced. "Shrayech tnameen 3nedna el'youm? Ghayray jaw, ou etha tabeen, agdar as7ab 3al'jam3a bacher ou nes'har ou nshouf el'aflam ely t7beenha." he offered and Rayan smiled, she really liked the thought of that. "Shrayech?"  he asked again as he playfully kicked Rayan's foot under the table. She laughed and said she'd love that. "Yallah 3ayal rou7ay yeebay aghrathech 3la ma akalem obouch." Abdullah said excitedly as he got up and pulled the phone out of his pocket. Rayan stood up and started making her way to the door but Abdullah's voice stopped her, "Yeebay ghetrety b3ad" he yelled and Rayan laughed. She was really looking forward to spending the night with Abdullah, just watching some movies and eating junk food, just like old times, only this time, it was without Jenan.

 

 

Note: Sorry if this chapter was a bit boring, but it leads the way to other stuff so I had to write it this way:p. And thank you again for the birthday wishes! It really made my day! Next post is probably tonight.

Have a happy friday!