Confessions.48

Previously...

"Haw menu Anwaar?" she asked in confusion. Her father ignored her question and focused on the streets. "Yuba ga3da akalmek, menu Anwaar?" she asked again. And her father sighed. "Wa7da m3ay beldawam." he said. But Rayan knew her father so well, she can practically tell when he's lying.


And just as Rayan was about to speak, his phone rang again and it was Anwaar. She quickly grabbed the phone and answered it. She stayed quiet, waiting for someone to speak. "Aloo? Yuba?" Anwaar said on the other side of the phone and Rayan's jaw dropped. She extended her hand in her father's direction. Unable to say a word. But her tears said it all.


-

Her father quickly ended the phone call without talking to Anwaar. "Rayaan..." he began to say but Rayan glared at him. "La tgoul. Ge6ney 3end omey." she said, tears streaming down her face. Her father couldn't bring himself to look at her, it broke his heart to admit that this was all the work of his secrets. He quietly took a right turn and started driving to her grandmother's house, where her mother and sisters were staying. 


As soon as the car stopped moving, Rayan opened the passenger's door and jumped out. "Rayaan." she heard her father call out once she started walking to the front door. She didn't turn to look at him, just kept moving forward.


She kept her finger pressed on the bell, hoping it would make the workers move faster. "Do you want me to call mama?" asked on of the Filipino workers once she stepped aside for Rayan to walk in. She noticed the tears on her cheeks and her sobbing. Rayan shook her head and walked to the living room quietly.


She threw herself on the nearest couch and hugged her knees as she continued sobbing and weeping. Her sister, Arwa, was walking down the stairs when she heard the sound of sobs, she walked slowly to the living room only to notice her sister crying there. Her hair was all over the place and she looked like a mess.


She quietly climbed up the stairs as quick and silent as possible. She picked up her pace as she started heading to her mother's room. The door was wide open and Arwa stepped inside to see her mother talking on the phone. "Yumaaa!" Arwaa hissed and her mother turned to look at her. She lifted her hands in Arwa's direction, asking her to be quiet. Arwa rolled her eyes, "Tharoureyyy!" she said and her mother quickly ended the phone call.


"Khair?" she asked Arwa as she set her phone aside. "Yuma Rayan ga3da tabchey ta7at." Arwa said, a baffled expression on her face. Her mother was taken aback, "Haw shfeeha?" she asked, not knowing what to expect. "Maadrey bas ma7ad 3endaha." Arwa said, she felt a little guilty for not speaking to her sister for a while.


Her mother walked past Arwa and headed down the stairs, with Arwa on her tail. "Rayaan?" her mother said in a confused tone. Rayan jumped from her seat, startled by her mother's voice. She quickly wiped away the tears on her cheeks and looked up to find her mother and Arwa standing there, confusion and worry all written all over their faces. She broke down crying again, she was so confused it almost started to hurt.


Her mother rushed to her side, her motherly instincts taking over, and she held Rayan. Her daughter was crying, unable to pull herself together for her sister's sake. "7abeebtey shfeech? 9ayer shay?" her mother asked but Rayan wouldn't calm down. She couldn't stop hurting.


"Arwa 7abeebtey yebay maay 7ag ekhtech." her mother said and Arwa quickly disappeared into the kitchen. Rayan pulled away from her mother, "Yuma menu Anwaar?" she hissed and her mother's face went pale. It was like a slap across the face.


When Rayan's parents got divorced, they had agreed that her father will tell his daughter's when the time is right, or when Anwaar is in Kuwait so they can have a proper introduction.


Her mother sighed, and just as she was about to speak, Arwaa walked in with a glass of water. Rayan extended her arm and grabbed hold of the glass. "Thank you." she whispered to her sister who genuinely smiled  in return. "Arwa 7abeebtey 3adey tkhaleena shway? Bakalem ekhtech." her mother said very politely and Arwa nodded and walked away.


"Shdarach?" her mother asked once Arwa was out of sight. Rayn inhaled deeply, "Kanat ga3da tdeg 3ala obouy ou e7na belsayara ou ohwa ma kan yabey yred. Chan  ared ana ou sema3t'ha tnadeeh "yuba"." she said in one breathe and then started tearing silently after that. Her mother kept quiet, while Rayan was very surprised of how she can open up to her mother even after they've been mad at each other for so long.


"Elmafrouth obouch ely yfahmech mo ana." her mother said very sadly and Rayan sighed. "Yuma obouy ra7 ychatheb 3alay ana 7asaa! Gouliley tekfain la tkhesheen 3aney!" she said with eyes gleaming with tears, pleading answers.


Letting out the deepest breath, her mother asked her to sit up straight, and so Rayan did. "Ana al7een bafahmech kel shay. Bas etha 6ala3 elkalam wla engal 7ag khawatech jad ra7 az3al 3alaich." her mother said and Rayan nodded, impatiently waiting.


"Lema obouch teqadamley kent adrey enah kan etzawej mn gbl, ou kent rathya feh le2ana elkel yemda7a ou el9ara7a 9a3eb telgain rayal methil obouch.Bas elshay ely ohwa khashah 3aney ou ely kharrab  zawajna, ohwa ena 3endah bent." she said, and stoped to pull herself together and stop herself from crying.


"Entay shloun 3araftay?" Rayan asked as her tears glided down her cheeks. "Kanat tabey tkalem obouch tharourey ou 3abalha ena 7agerha fa dagat 3albait. Ou tes2al 3an obouha. Ma kent m9adga, bas lma sa2alt obouch, galey kel shay." she said, very slowly, struggling with her words.


"Cham 3umerha?" Rayan asked, as she fiddled with the rings in her fingers, avoidng eye contact. "23." her mother spat out.


5 years older than Rayan. 5 years full of lies and secrets. Covering up the tracks of a lie and secrecy. How could he hide her own sister away from her?


Her mother made her something to eat and offered to take her home, rayan couldn't say no because she had a midterm to prepare for. "Ghaslay wayhech ou ta3aleeley elsayara." her mother said as she picked up her phone and car keys and walked out of the door. Rayan headed to the bathroom to wash her face. She looked up in the mirror and noticed her sister standing behind her.


"Shloun emti7anatech?" Arwa asked with an innocent smile plastered on her face. Rayan smiled, "el7emdillah zaineen." she said as she pulled some tissues to dry her hands. "Walahna 3alaich." Arwa said as her head dropped and she stared at the ground. Rayan moved closer to her and pulled her into a hug. "I miss you the most." she whispered to her sister and they both smiled as they stood there, holding each other.


"Gouliley, shloun obouy?" Arwa asked before Rayan left the house. "El7emdillah, ma yenkhaf 3alaih." Rayan replied and they both chuckled, "Degay awal ma tkhal9een derasa!" Arwa yelled and Rayan smiled and waved.


-
Yallah 3ad comment?:(

Confessions.47

Dedicated o the winners!  

@LamaW4

@Twistintimex

@Itsdeama

@Deema_q8_2013

Thank you to everyone who participated, better luck next time:( x


-

She returned back home with a smile on her face and coffee in her hand. "babaaa?" she called out and heard him reply to her from his room. She placed her books, pen and calculator on the kitchen counter and ran to her father's room. She pushed the door open and ran to hug her father. "Ha bashray" he said once she was in his arms. "El7emdillah 7elu 7ail! Ou ele79a2 bethab6 ely gelt ra7 eye ohwa ely yaaa!" she said and they both chuckled.


As she was about to leave the room, she turned to her father and asked "Ela 3baid wainah? Mn zman mo shayfetah.". her father looked at the ground. Worry washed over Rayan, she walked closer to her father, "Baba la tkhesh 3aney. Abdullah feh shay?" she asked, her heart raced and her knees got weak. She didn't want to expect the worst, but her fathers expressions forced her to. "Rou7ay badlay ou lebsay shay 7ag 6al3a. B3dain agoulech." he said.


Rayan walked to her room, quickly taking off her uniform, she put on a sky blue maxi dress, wrapped a brown double wrap belt around her waist and paired it with her wedges. She didn't need a cardigan because the dresses sleeve reached her elbow. She let down her hair, which was naturally wavy with a little frizz and applied her eyeliner and mascara.


"Yallah ana khala9t." she said as she sat on her father's bed. "Albes hathey wla hathey?" her father said as he picked up two T-shirts, a navy one and a grey one. Rayan chuckled, "Wala wa7da, abyath a7la." she said and her father winked at her, which only made her laugh a little louder. He tossed his car keys at her direction and asked her to wait in the car. She happily walked out of the room, a smile on her face, trying her best to disguise the worry.



Her father parked his car in the drive way of Abdullah's house, Rayan let out a breath, "Betgouley laish yayebney wla la?" she said with a frown on her face. Her dad smiled, "Ohwa ygoulech laish, ana maley sheghl." he said as he nodded his head in the opposite direction, where Abdullah had just took a step out of the front door.


He was still in his shorts and V-neck shirt, the kind of clothing he would wear only around the house. His buzz cut hair had grown longer and his beard was heavier than the last time she saw him. She closed the passenger side's door and started walking over to him.


Abdullah was just about to pull out his pack of cigarettes, until he noticed her. She was making her way to him with a half smile on her face. Her dress was flowing behind her elegantly. The sun in her hair, making her look irresistable. Abdullah longed for the day when he would be in this same scenario, but instead, he would confidently open his arms out wide and she would take shelter in them.


"A9lan ana 6ale3 3ashan age6hum." he said as Rayan stood in front of him and started eyeing the cigarettes. Rayan chuckled, "Yallah jedamey." she said, crossing her arms and Abdullah just laughed. "Yuba khala9 hach entay te9arefay fehum." he said as he grabbed her hand and placed the packet of cigarettes in the palm of her hand. 


Rayan shivered a bit when Abdullah's skin touched hers. Little did she know, he felt electric, invincible, unstoppable when she was around.

Abdullah had already greeted Rayan's father when he led them inside. Abdullah's mother was having her tea in the living room, dressed and prepared for Rayan and her father's visit. "7ayallaah mn yanaaa." she said happily as she noticed their figures. "Allaah y7ayeech khaltey." Rayan said as she hugged her.


To Rayan, Hessa's hugs were the mother-daughter hugs Rayan never had enough of. And to Hessa, Rayan was the closest thing to the daughter she had lost. In conclusion, they were family.


"Enta wainek? Laish mn zman mo shayfetik?" Rayan said once they were all seated down and the tea was handed out. Hessa had a smirk on her face as she glanced at Abdullah's direction, who couldn't help but reply with a chuckle. "3endey lech mufaja'aa, bas mo al7een b3ad shway." he said, and Rayan was very enthusiastic.


"Yallaah shenu elmufaja'aaa" Rayan whispered to Abdullah once she noticed how her father was engrossed in a conversation with Abdullah's parents. Abdullah stared at her, "Mara7 tfekeeney 9a7? Estaghferallah ana sh7aga gayelich." he complained in a whisper and Rayan playfully smacked him arm. "Goumay goumay jedameyy." he said and Rayan happily stood up.


Hessa chuckled, "Haw Abdullah ma fek 9aber?" she said and everyone chuckled. "Ehia 7annaa 7annaa shasawey b3ad!" Abdullah exclaimed and Faisal chuckled. "7aas feeek." he said and Rayan laughed louder than anyone in the room. "Bas foug kel hatha, 3asal 3ala galbkum." she said confidently as she flipped her long hair, which accidentally touched Abdullah's face. He simply smiled, noticing that she changed the hair shampoo and conditioner he was used to smelling.


She led the way to his room and he happily followed. He loved the way Rayan walked around the house as if it was her own. She stood next to the door, "La 3ad hney your territory." she said and Abdullah chuckled as he opened the door for her, "Ladies first he said." with a cute smirk on his face, and Rayan took a few slow steps inside.


"Ge3day 3la ma a6ale3 elmufaja'a" he said, emphasising on the word "mufaja'a". Rayan took of her wedges and plopped down on his bed. Abdullah pulled one of the drawers open as he took out a folder and two white shirts. Rayan had a puzzled expression on her face as Abdullah walked over to her and placed the folder in front of her.


"Ana gelt necklace mn Tiffany wla Harry Winston. Awrag? Really?" she said and Abdullah smacked her head. "Shoufay." he said as he unfolded one of the T-shirts. Which was white and had the words "I <3 THE SCRIPT" printed boldly in the middle. "Allaaah!" She said in excitement, and a huge grin was drawn on her lips.


Abdullah handed her the other T-shirt, which was hers and she unfolded it quickly. "Large? Mn 9ejik?" she said as she eyed Abdullah. "Eeh 3ayal shtabeen? La ykoun btalbseen thayej hnak?" he said, disguising his jealousy and anger. "Haw enshallah ma albes kheimaa! Ollah y9eer shwes3ah!" she complained but Abdullah just ignored her.


He took out a couple of papers and placed them in front of Rayan. "Shenu hatha?" she asked as she examined the papers. "Hathoul, alllah ysalmech, jadwalna 7ag hnak." he said, but he only got Rayan confused more than she was.""Kalamt obouch ou geltlah nabey nmaded 3ashan yamdeena nestanes." and then he stopped. Rayan huffed, "Enzain kamel!" she said, she was too excited. Abdullah chuckled, he loved teasing her.


"Elmohim 3ad sawaitlena jadwal. Awal 4 ayam 3gb elconcert bas shopping 3ashan yerta7 galbech, b3dan berou7 museums ou mala3eb  ou hal7arakat." Rayan chuckled as she thanked him several times. "3gb ma tkhal9een mn akher emti7an 3ala 6oul tbadleen 3ashan ma net2akhar 3al6ayara." he said as he collected the papers again and placed them inside the see through folder.


Rayan had a smile on her face, she appreciated the effort Abdullah had put into this. And she loved how she knew he was willing to do anything to keep her smiling and happy.


"3baid t'haga albes hatha 7ag elma6ar?" she asked as she stood up to show him the dress she was wearing. Abdullah nodded and she smiled. She took the steps to stand in front of the mirror and stared at herself. "Enzain afel sha3rey wla arbe6ah?" she asked. He was staring at her, left breathless by her beauty. "Kel shay 7elu 3alaich." he said subconsciously and Rayan blushed.


They left together to head back to the living room. Her father's head shot up as he heard the sound of their footsteps. "3asa 3jebtich?" he asked as he opened his arms wide for her to hug. She happily sat down next to her father and threw herself in his arms. "Waayed,jad thank you." she said and her father kissed her head.


Abdullah was staring at the two of them, he envied her father for getting to hug her and kiss her head whenever he wanted to.


"Rayouna ma tfakreen tetzawejain?" Hessa asked and Abdullah's head shot up. Rayan picked her head up, after it was buried in her father's arms. "Haw taw elnaas" she said, and her father had a smile on her face. "Eeh bas ya3ney ma fakartay?" she asked again, and Rayan found it funny how she was asking about it. "Laa bas ya3ney ely allah katba by9eer." she said with a smile.


Hessa turned to look at Abdullah, who had spaced out. She nudged him and he just smiled.


As the clock started ticking past 5, Rayan nudged her father and told him she needed to go back home to study for her Islamic test tomorrow. They said their goodbyes and were soon in the car, driving back home.


Rayan was texting Zaina, telling her how excited she was to go to London. Suddenly her father's phone started ringing. Out of curiosity, Rayan took a peek at the called ID. "Anwaar" she read, but  her father quickly declined the call.


"Haw menu Anwaar?" she asked in confusion. Her father ignored her question and focused on the streets. "Yuba ga3da akalmek, menu Anwaar?" she asked again. And her father sighed. "Wa7da m3ay beldawam." he said. But Rayan knew her father so well, she can practically tell when he's lying.


And just as Rayan was about to speak, his phone rang again and it was Anwaar. She quickly grabbed the phone and answered it. She stayed quiet, waiting for someone to speak. "Aloo? Yuba?" Anwaar said on the other side of the phone and Rayan's jaw dropped. She extended her hand in her father's direction. Unable to say a word. But her tears said it  all.

Something different.. (4)

Delaying the post because I can't seem to focus, so this is something I've written a few days ago.  


-


"She loves my hair." he stated.
But that's not me.



"She looked beautiful in red." he said.
But that's not me either.



"Her smile is flawless." he said.
But no, that's not me either.



"She thinks my abs are hot." he announced confidently.
But that's still not me.



"She's he prettiest I've ever met."
No, not me either.



Because to him, I'm none of that.



To him, I'm that friend.



To him, I'm that person that still lingers.



To him, I'm that alibi.



To him, I'm not even a choice.



To him, I'm only someone he knows.



And it shatters me to pieces to admit,



that to me, he's the ray of hope.



Keeping me yearning.



Keeping me longing.



Keeping me alive.


-

Comments?

Confessions.46

First of all,

This is for everyone who thinks I take too slow to post, or that I'm very demanding when I ask for comments and feedback.

Do you know how long it takes me to actually finish a post?
Do you know how irritating it is when you always tell me "its too short"?

You, are the ones who are very demanding.

If you hate waiting, stop reading.


I have a life as well, I'm not dedicating my entire time to the blog.
This is a hobby, NOT a homework.

And people who tell me I shouldn't have done this or I shouldn't have done that, seriously? Start your own blog ou sawaw ely tabounah, don't tell me what to do with my own story.

Just enjoy it while you can, sheesh.

AND THIS IS FOR *N*, YOUR COMMENT MADE MY DAYYY!!!
And F, I missed your comments tbh:p.



-

She woke up in the morning and flinched when she noticed that her alarm clock didn't ring when it was supposed to. She felt a lump in her throat as she checked the setting of her alarm and noticed that she set it to PM rather than AM. A million curse words roamed her mind as she quickly forced herself out of her own bed and grabbed her Algebra books. She finished her math studies the night before but didn't have time for Algebra.


As being a senior, she needed every mark she could get. Even if that meant she had to cut off some of her sleeping for the sake of studying. She scattered her books and papers on the floor as she quickly started studying. Hoping she could at least remember those stuff if they were on her exam.



In a matter of 20 minutes, she had finished scanning through the first half. Rayan being a smart student, she didn't have any difficulties with Algebra. Her bedroom door was slowly opened and her father peeked his head. "Ohh ga3da." he said as he took a step inside. Rayan ran her hand through her hair frustratedly. Tears filled her eyes as she looked at her father, pleading for his embrace. He sighed as he walked closer to her and extended his arm. "T3alay 7abeebteyy." he said once Rayan placed her hand in his and he pulled her up.


He pulled her to his chest and started stroking her hair. "La tkhafeen baba I'm sure you'll do great." he said, noticing that  Rayan was crying. "Ma darast e79a2." she said in a whisper. Sadness in her voice, she didn't want to let her father down. "Affaaaa kel hal bachey 3ashan e79aa2! Sahel hathaa. Ta3alay adarsech." he said as he pulled away to wipe his daughters tears. Rayan smiled as she sat back down on the floor and her father sat with her. She had exactly 1 hour before having to go to school.


Her father did his best in helping Rayan. And in exactly 50 minutes, they wrapped up almost everything she was supposed to know. "Mashkour yuba. Madrey shra7 asawey bedounek." Rayan said, her eyes showing nothing but pure sincerity and she gave him one of her long compassionate hugs. "7abeebtey entay, yallah lebsay 3ala ma ajahezlich gahwetich ou shay takleenah gbl elemti7an." he said as he let go of her and walked out the door.


Walking around the kitchen, her father had one thing on his mind. Everytime he saw his daughter struggle with something, or cry all by herself in the darkness of her room, he would blame himself. He blamed himself because he couldn't make her feel better. He blamed himself for not raising his own daughter. Most importantly, he blamed himself for pushing away her own mother.


He know that at this age, a girl needs her mother. And the fact that Rayan was very far away from her mom, because of her father, made him feel a tad bit worse every day. He recalled everything that had happened that day, every little painful detail.


He had just returned from a business trip in Qatar and he was exhausted. He hadn't slept propely and the flight was delayed, which caused more exhaustion to him. He came back home to find his wife sitting in the living room, her legs crossed and he knew she was eying the door, waiting for him. "Elsalaam" he said as he forced a smile. But his wife didn't smile back. "Besmellah shfeech mkashra bwayhey? Sh9ayer?" he asked confused. "Meta benkhale9 mn suwalef elkhash ou elasrar? 19 senaaa Faisal wla geltleyy ena 3endik bent? Enta shenu mn rayal? she said, her voice shaky and she looked vulnerable. He sighed, knowing that when the truth is out, there's nothing for him to do. "Shdarach?" he asked, avoiding eye contact. "Ya3ney 9ej?..." she asked, swallowing that lump in her throat. "Kan wdey tgouley ena mo 9ej. Ena ehia mthay3a. Enha mo bentek. Ayy shayy bas mo 9ej." shaking her head in disgust, she couldn't stand being in the same room with him. "6allegney." she said as she stared at the ground. Her voice very much cold and emotionless. She noticed him building up his courage to speak. "Ana ray7a bait ahaley." she said as she quickly rushed past him and up the stairs to her room. He stood there, feeling more powerless than ever. He had no idea what to say or do to fix what was damaged. And then it him, it wasn't reparable. He built his marriage based on secrets, and now he was to watch it fall apart.
20 minutes later, he saw his wife walk down the stairs with a bag in her hand. He tried to talk, to speak up, but there was nothing to say. She walked out without glancing at him and slammed the door behind her. He checked his watch, it was exactly the time Rayan would come back from school. He sighed as he secretly wished she wouldn't witness anything of this mess.




He heard the sound of his daughters footsteps. In mere seconds, he was out of his flashback and back to reality, "Ha mest3eda?" he asked as he handed her a mug of coffee. She nodded silently as she sat on one of the high chairs. She sat there quietly, worrying about the test she was about to do. And he worried about the same thing, his daughter finding out the destructive secret.


Rayan kindly asked her driver to take her to school, and just as she was about to walk out of the door, her father called her name. "Hla?" she turned around. "Good luck." he said as he forced a smile. She smiled back and then disappeared.


He walked up to his room and sat on his bed. His mug of coffee in hand, but he was deep in thought. He kept remembering her laughter, the way she dressed and how much she loved her short pink skirt, how she believed a unicorn lived under her bed and she could see him, and how she was a replica of her mother.


He picked up the phone and scrolled through his call list. He spotted her name and decided to call her. Placing the mug on table as he stood up, he couldn't help but feel nervous. He hasn't talked to her in 2 months, and he had no explanation. He pressed the phone to his ears and started pacing the floor, waiting for the lines to connect.


He wasn't expecting her to answer, after all, it was pretty late in New York. "aloo?" she said, her voice excited and confused at the same time. "Anwaar?" he asked, and he heard her soft chuckle on the other end. "Eeeh, anwaar." she said again. Her voice full of disbelief and she kept wondering why he would call.


"How are you?" he asked, his English fluent because of the years he spent living in the US. "I'm good, thank you for asking. How are you?" she asked, and he sensed something in her voice. "I'm good too, isn't it a bit late in New York?" he asked and Anwaar said it was but she explained by saying she was at her friend's.


"I don't want to sound disrespectful, but may I ask why you're calling?" she said. Her father froze in place, why was he calling? He swallowed hard and then spoke. "Can't a man check up on his daughter?" he said, and that was the real reason. Anwaar smiled but quickly frowned. "Don't you have other daughters to check up on?" she said, anger and hurt filled her up but she quickly disguised it.


He let out a deep breath, "Honey, I thought we spoke about that." he said sounding very stern. She sighed, "You talked about it. I never did." she said. "Don't talk back to me!" he growled, but that didn't scare her. "I'm discussing. Learn the difference." she said. He was taken aback by her reply, never expecting she would be this disrespectful.


"I never understood why it bothered you. It was your decision to leave with your mom." he said. Anwaar kept quiet for a few seconds. "How about you tell me why your new, so called "family" doesn't know about me?" she asked, because she knew she was the reason behind the divorce.


"Because ya Anwaar, somethings are better left unsaid. I will tell my daughters when the time is right." he said, sounding very much convinced. She sighed, "Its not fair for me to not know my own sisters." she said, full of sadness. "I'm so sorry. You'll meet them very soon, I promise." he said, and they both went silent.


"Tell me about them." she said, sounding helpless and desperate to know about her half sisters. He smiled as he started speaking. "You would love them! I have 3 daughters, Rayan is the oldest, she's a senior, very smart and beautiful. She looks very much like you, you'd actually be surprised." he chuckled and Anwaar smiled. "Who else?" she asked in her English accent which she took from her American mother. "And then we have Arwa, she's15. Very stubborn and quiet. She was closer to her mother and rarely spent any time with me, unlike Rayan." he said, and he realized how much he missed his Arwa's shyness.


"Haha she sounds a lot like me." Anwaar said cheerfully and Faisal chuckled. "Indeed she does. And then we have Dalia, my yuongest." he said with a smile on his face. "Dad, I have to go, my cab is here but I'll talk to you tomorrow Okay?" she said in a hurry and Faisal wished her a goodnight.



-
Shocking?:p
As you may see, you guys are still in the dark about all this. I have left some parts unexplained for a reason. You'll find out in the next post;)

comment?

Confessions.45

Is this soon enough for all of you?:p


-

Rayan's smile quickly turned into a straight line. She noticed Dana, her cousin, walk over to her with a naughty smile on her face. Dana's eyes wandered all around, smiling at guys and batting her eyes. Rayan was disgusted at how someone can act so cheap. Dana stood over Rayan's table and looked down at her. Her lips parted as she wanted to speak, but her eyes suddenly looked up and Dana smiled. "Ohh Abdullah! Sh'hal 9edfa." she said sarcastically and Rayan tried her best to calm herself down. "Asf, bas menu ma3ay?" Abdullah asked in confusion and Rayan was confused too. Dana was taken aback. "Ana Dana, cousin Rayan. Thak elyoum salamt 3alaik, ma tathker?" she asked, embarrassed.


Abdullah still had a plain expression on his face but he managed to smile. "Wallah la ma athker, bas tesharafna." he said as he placed the tray on the table. Rayan couldn't contain her laughter. She let out a snicker and they both stared at her. "Enzain yallah 3ayal nshoufech 3ala khair." Rayan said to Dana, who quickly excused herself and walked away.


Abdullah burst into laughter, "Shrayech feeney ou ana adgerha?" he said, his eyes looking so tiny because of his wide grin. Rayan laughed "Ta3jebneyyy!" she said. People were staring at them because of their loud laughter, but they did not seem to care.


After a pleasant meal together, they started roaming the place and laughing out loud. Rayan said she wasn't quite ready to go back home yet, she said she felt like its not right to pretend like nothing happened and that everything was Oki. And Abdullah agreed.



Because he still couldn't bring himself to act and laugh like it was acceptable when it actually shred him to pieces. Every time she smiled out of the blue, it hurt him to think that he was on her mind. And that someone else is the reason she smiles, not himself. And that every time she looked extra good when going out, he had this fear that she might be planning to see him. And that triggered his jealousy.



Rayan walked around, only eyeing the clothing inside the stores without going to take a closer look. Her arms were crossed over her chest as she walked, and Abdullah picked up a vibe. "Shfeech?" he leaned forward a bit as they were walking, so he could peek at her eyes. "Mafeeney bas ga3da afaker." she said with a smile on her face.



Abdullah pointed at Starbucks, "Tabeen?" he asked and Rayan nodded. After picking up their orders, Rayan a double shot latte and Abdullah got the same, they took a seat and at one of the tables at the corner. "Shetfakreen feh?" Abdullah asked after he had noticed that Rayan spaced out again. "Wala shay." she said as she chuckled.



Abdullah remained silent, he didn't want to push her into speaking. And he didn't even want to know because he knew what it was about.


He took her home after they finished their coffees and Rayan immediately charged her phone. She found 4 missed calls from Hamad and 2 from her father. She smiled as she quickly took off her clothes and left them lying on the edge of the bed, put on her pajamas ad tucked herself into her own bed. She dialed Hamad's number and waited.


"Halaa belzaaaain." Hamad said cheerfully and she chuckled. "Ahlan." she said shyly and they went quiet. "La7tha la7tha bas2elich, elyoun kan fe wa7da jameeelaa 7adhaa sheft'ha belevation. Kanat labsa abyath ou aswad ou scarf a9far, t3arfeenha?" Hamad asked, and it took Rayan a couple of seconds to realize he was talking about her. "Haw la menu hathey?" she asked, playing along with him even though he sensed the smile on her face.



"Maaadrey wa7da mashallah 7adhaa jameela ou akhlaaq ou shakelha thgeela 7ail. Ou ehia 7elwa b3ad." he said, and he did a very good job in containing his laughter. "3eshtaw! Shenu 3ajbek feha enshallah?" Rayan asked. "Shagouul ou shakhaleyy! A7eb sha3arhaaa ou ree7tah ou lounah mashallah perfect. Ou 3younha 7elwaa 7aaail, wdey asra7 fehum lei ma ashba3. Ou 3alaihaa tha7kaa khalatney atane7! Ou 9out'haa akhhh yaaa 9out'haaa." Hamad said, acting lovestruck.


Rayan chuckled, "Ba3ad kamel." she said and Hamad took a deep breath. "Ou akthar shay yajtheb fehaa enha 3arfaa 7ag rou7gha ou lebs'haa steeer 7ail. Ou ehia shakelha 7ail simple...  Ou kelmat a7ebha ma tkafey b7ag'ha." he finally said and Rayan was left smiling silently.


"3ayaartek." she said and Hamad roared with laughter. "Laa bas jad ya 7elouha. Yaa3ney ehia t9eeer a7la law twakher 3an elrayal ely ana gayelaha eny aghar 3alaiha mena." he said, being very serious this time. Rayan sighed, "7amoud ana geltlik ma agdar afech 3anah. B3dain khala9 ohwa yadrey eney a7ebik ou he's gonna stick to his red lines. Ou ohwa a9lan me3teberny b7esbat ekhtah fa malah da3ey t7atey." she said and Hamad smiled.


"Ana watheq fech m3a enich tadreen ena gheertey mo shwaya 3alaich." he said, and it was undeniably cute for him to finally admit it. "I love you, chubby face." she said with a smile on her face, and she never felt so confident saying it. "I love you too ya 3asal." he said, and it was their good night.



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Confessions.44

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She plugged in her headphones and put them on. Taking a look around, she breathed in all her surroundings. The chilly weather, the houses, the sounds of cars on the street to her right and the people with her. "Walk around to activate your sensor." said the voice of the lady in the Nike application installed into Rayan's ipod. Rayan started moving her feet until the application picked up signal from the sensor placed inside her left running shoe. "starting workout." said the lady again and Rayan's lips curled into a smile.


After stretching out, Rayan took her running position and started counting in her head. Ready. Set. Go. And just then, with all the power in her, Rayan bolted forward. Her pace only increasing and her feet stomping onto the ground. She sprinted past the jogging men, leaving them with a blank expression on her face. Impressed, they started running towards her, trying to keep up. But Rayan was too fast. Her ipod on shuffle and the music blasting into her ears, she felt like she blended into the environment. Speed.


Nobody's perfect by Jessie J was playing and Rayan started running faster. Her feet moving uncontrollably, increasing her speed. And she only liked the feeling of her heavy breathing. Her speed corresponds so the beat of the song, helping her let out all the anger in her by running.



After a workout of 2 hours, she walked her way back home because it wasn't that far. She took off her armwrap as soon as she entered the house and started stretching again. "Ha shlounech? A7san?" Abdullah asked from the living room. Rayan smiled and nodded at him. She excused herself to go shower and Abdullah chuckled at how out of breath she was.



She towel dried her hair and let it down, too lazy to blow dry it. She hopped down the stairs and into the kitchen, only to find Abdullah reading the newspaper. "Cham marra tegraha?" she asked as she playfully smacked the back of his head. Abdullah chuckled, "Shrayech tnashfeen sha3rech? La testamrethain." he said as he neatly folded the newspaper and sat back to look at her.


"Tkhaaf 3alay?" Rayan said with a teasing smile and Abdullah chuckled, "La akhaf b3dain nkansel Lodnon ou yrou7on eltickets 3alfathey." he said and Rayan laughed. "A9lan shtaby? You don't even like The Script." she said as she raised an eyebrow. Abdullah chuckled and they both got up and walked to the living room.


"Elsalam." Faisal said as he walked into the living room and Abdullah greeted him back, while Rayan only sat back in her seat. Abdullah concluded that she still hadn't fixed it with her father, but he felt like it was not his business. "3baid khane6la3 pleaasseee." Rayan whined, and Abdullah rolled his eyes. "Entay tenthabrain ou teg3deen belbait. Warach emti7anat." he said and Rayan sighed. "Enzain etha darast shway 3adey ne6la3 b3dain? Nghayer jaw please." she said, but Abdullah still resisted her puppy eyes. "No." he said, being stubborn. "Takfaa!" she said, as she failed at pulling of a Bedouin accent.


Abdullah couldn't help but laugh, "Enzain bas yallah al7een dersay." he said and in mere seconds, Rayan was up the stairs to bring her books. "Ou nashfay sha3rech!" Abdullah yelled, and he heard Rayan chuckle. Sitting back in his chair, he had a smile plastered on his face.


As she was looking for her chemistry books, her phone vibrated on her bed. She spread the sheets, looking for it. After finding it, she smiled as she lay down on her bead and answered the call. "Halaa belzaain." she said, being silly and Hamad chuckled in return. "Ma6gouga 3ala rasech?" he asked and Rayan felt his wide grin. "Affaaaaaaa, ma tebgha elkakalm elma3soul?" she said and they both chuckled. "Ha sh3endich?" he asked and Rayan told him she was studying.



"Sheday 7ailech 7abeebtey, yallah 3ayal bas kent bat6aman 3alaich." he said, excusing himself because he remembered how Rayan said she needed space and time until she could fix things with her father. She tossed her blackberry back on her bed and lifted her head to the door, only to see her father standing with his arms crossed. She let out a deep breathe, startled by his presence. "Al7een 3adey akalmek?" she said, begging for a few minutes of his time.


Her father took a step inside the room and closed the door behind him. "Sh'hal 7arakat? Esta7ay 3ala wayhech Rayan! Ana ma rabaitech 3la chethy!" he said, and noticed the sadness in her eyes. He kept quiet, and Rayan got that as her chance to start speaking. "Baba I know what you think about this, bas abeek tatheq feeney please! Ana mu yahel! A3aref shga3da asawey. And he's a good guy, maybe you'll meet him one day." she said, because everything she had prepared in her head just vanished.


"Shenu good guy entay ba3ad? 3abalech law ohwa 9ej khoush wa7ed chan retha ykalmech chthey belkhash ou ma7ad yadrey 3ankum? 3ayal fahmeeney laish ygoulech khane6la3 ou yjeesech ou ylemech? Ma 3endah khawat hatha?" her father yelled, not noticing the tear on Rayan's cheek.


"Yuba efhamney! Magdar ahedah magdar! Shrayek tatheq feeney? Ana a3arfah wallah ohwa mo chthey kelish, mo nafs ely enta ga3ed tetkhayelah!..."she said, and calmed down a bit. "He makes me happy." she said, and her father felt guilty.


"Ana ma awansech ya3ney? Abdullah ma ywansech? Rayan shenu ely khalach trou7een 7ag wa7ed ghareeb 3ashan y7ebich ou ywansech ou e7na mawjoudeen? Laish yuba laish?" he said, his eyes pleading for a reasonable explanation. "Madrey yuba bas 9ar ely 9ar. Please 3a6ney fur9a." she said, on the verge of crying and her father hugged her.


"Tadreen eney khayef 3alaich." he said as he ran his thumb against her cheeks, brushing away her tears. She hugged her father one more time. "Bas Rayan, wallah el3atheem en sema3t enich 6al3a m3ah mo a7sanlech!" he said, and she knew he meant every word. She nodded in silence and her father walked outside.


Deep down, she knew her father still didn't approve. What kind of father would? And she knew she had to put some distance into their relationship.


"Done!" she said after 2 intense hours of studying chemistry. Abdullah tore his eyes away from his phone to look at her, he found her sitting in her chair with a huge smile on her face. "10 degayeg ou nazla." she said as she rushed up the stairs, not giving him a chance to negotiate.


Rayan quickly put on her black plain leggings and her black and white striped top that reached mid-thigh. She paired it with her yellow scarf, pulled her hair into a messy ponytail and applied her makeup and she was ready to go.


Walking downstairs, she felt Abdullah's eyes on her, but she just smiled at him. And he noticed how she never failed to take his breath away. "Meshaina?" he asked and Rayan nodded. He led the way to the front door and opened it for Rayan.


She got into the car and Abdullah pulled out of the garage and they were on their way to Alsalhia. Abdullah plugged in his iphone to the car's stereo system and his fingers started typing, he was searching for a certain song. "kaaa." he mumbled as the familiar lyrics to a song started playing.


"Mazaajek!" Rayan exclaimed as she chuckled, Fall for you by secondhand serenade was playing and Abdullah had a smile on his face. "But hold your breath, because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you over agaaaain." Rayan sang the lyrics to the chorus and Abdullah laughed. It became a habit of theirs, to sing along to a song during their car rides.


"This is not what I intended, I always swore to you I'd never fall apaart" Abdullah sang, and peeked a look at Rayan who was listening carefully. "You always thought that I was stronger, I may have failed but I have loved you from the start." he continued and Rayan chuckled. "Fail. 9outek khayes." she said and Abdullah chuckled.


If only she knew that the lyrics said everything Abdullah couldn't. He never had the nerve to spill his feelings. The fear of rejection got him second guessing. And the fact that someone else has already captivated her heart only tore him apart.


They got to Alsalhia and noticed that it was too crowded. Rayan had a frustrated look on her face and Abdullah noticed, "Wallah ma y9eer kha6rech ela 6ayeb! 7ta law nan6er 60 alf sa3a ma3endey mane3!" he said a little too loudly and Rayan cheered up. "Wla shrayek nrou7 Elevation ely b'avenues ou khala9?" she suggested and Abdullah agreed with a laugh.


They walked into Grand Avenues, The avenues, side by side. People stared, people whispered, but they didn't care. Rayan was looking undeniably beautiful. She believed that simplicity is elegance, and she proved it everyday. Abdullah was looking appealing too, in his random grey training pants a plain white V-neck, but something about his toned body and his masculine posture made him different.


"Entay ge3day ou ana a6leb." Abdullah said once he noticed that the place was a bit packed. Rayan nodded and walked away, she knew he knew her favorite meal. He had her memorized by heart. He watched Rayan walk her way through the number of guys in front of him and take a seat at a table.


She pulled out her phone and noticed that it was drained out of its battery, she remembered that she never plugged it back on the charger after ending the phone call with Hamad and curse words roamed her mind.


She looked around, staring at the strange faces in hopes of wasting her time until Abdullah came back. She was enjoying being the fashion police in her head, deciding which outfits looked good and which did not, until a familiar figure emerged from the crowd. And Rayan had a sudden change of mood.


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I love you.

I hope you smile whenever you read this, and realize that this is for you.
No one else, but you.


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The first sight of you made me think of you as a stranger.


Not knowing your intentions made me fear you.


Imposed to hurt me? Or a new shoulder?


A bright smile, but along with so much pain.


Stars in her eyes, with a mystery behind them.


Confident, yet so insecure.


Compassionate, in spite of her own struggles.


Throughout it all, you manage to bring the sunshine into my darkness.


Always taking my hand and leading me home.


Brushing my tears away, instead of your own.


Filling my days with laughter.


The person I turn to, when I'm down and need an ear.


Forever cherishing the times we spent together.


Because I truly, without a doubt, love the person you made me.


And so, I love you.



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Please don't ask me about Confessions. I'm mind blocked at the moment, but I promise you a great long post as soon as possible.