Confessions.49

Sorry for being inactive, I understand it has been way too long. A crisis came up, and it was very hard to deal with it. And the nagging from some of you guys only made it worse. I am not the kind of blogger who would stop posting for no reason.
Please keep that in mind.
Other than that, enjoy!


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The clock was ticking, her foot was tapping against the ground, and her mind was in a million places at once. Her arms were folded against her chest and her newly cut bangs were falling amongst her face. Her nails were painted last night, because she was too excited and she knew she wouldn't have enough time. Her body shivered every time she remembered the dream she had last night. Wondering if it was only perception, or a real vision.


The bell rang and in mere seconds, all the girls were outside, screaming and taking pictures. But Rayan was still in place. Zaina hissed at her, "Yallah!" she whispered and Rayan realized she was the last person in the room. She picked up her pen and exam papers as she walked to her teacher with a smile. "Enjoy your vacation." Said Miss.Amnaa, who was also Rayan's English teacher. Rayan nodded with a smile and walked out of the exam room.


Rayan was walking with Zaina along her side to the gates of the school, she couldn't wait to get out. She heard the faint sounds of someone calling her name, she turned around to see a couple of her classmates lining up for a group picture and they wanted her in it. She smiled as she agreed and stood in the middle. "Ambeh kalba 9ayra zouqa!" said one of the girls and Rayan genuinely thanked her. "Way chenich Jenan wallah." said another girl, and Rayan shivered.


Zaina noticed the change in Rayan's posture and expression when one of the girls brought up Jenan, she pulled her to the side and asked what was wrong. Rayan faked a smile, "Haw mafeeney shay bas 7adey mestansa." she said and a smile crept into Zaina's face. "Let's get out of here." said Rayan as she pulled Zaina to the gate.


"Menu byakhthech?" Rayan asked Zaina, whose eyes were scanning the place. "Obouy. Entay?" replied Zaina and Rayan just shook her shoulders, indicating that she didn't know. They stood quietly for a few minutes, until Rayan noticed a man step out of his car and the girls started to stare. She looked at him with a crooked smile on her face, as a rush of excitement and happiness ran all through her system.


He was wearing a black polo shirt and beige shorts, but god knows how appealing he looked in them. His buzz cut hair was back and his beard was perfectly groomed, just the way Rayan liked it. She walked over to him with a smile, as he rocked backwards on the heel of his Puma shoes, with his hands in his pockets and his grin wider than ever.


They haven't seen each other for the past two days, but Abdullah called her every hour or so to check up on her, and make sure she was not over thinking and focusing only on her studies. Abdullah missed Rayan insanely, but knowing that they had 2 weeks to spend together made it a lot easier.


Once Rayan was getting closer, Abdullah turned around just in time for them to walk side by side. She kept staring at the ground with a huge smile plastered on her face. She knew some girls were staring, and making theories of this cutie, but she did not seem to care.


She got into the car and let out a chuckle. "Khebla?" Abdullah asked and they both chuckled again. "7adeyy meshta6aaa la7ad ykalemneyy barou7 ashouf The Script!" she exclaimed and Abdullah laughed as he ignited the engine. Rayan grabbed the AUX wire and plugged it into her iphone. "Ayabaaaaaa" she said as Glowing by The Script started playing. "3ad ams ga3ed ou a7feth aghaneehum 3ashan andemij m3ach." said Abdullah as he let out one of his stupid giggles.


"Take the lead." Rayan said as she looked at Abdullah with impatient eyes. He kept on chuckling and couldn't stop himself. Rayan rolled her eyes as she began to sing, "And you're trying to save me from your past of bad decisions, but my decision is always gonna be to follow youuu." she sang then stopped and looked at Abdullah, indicating this is the part he starts singing. And he happily did, "Never gonna stop til the clock stops ticking. Never gonna quit til my legs stop kicking." he sang. And Rayan's favorite part came up, "I will follow you and we'll both go missing." they sang together and then broke down with laughter.


It was a few minutes before they were quite again. Rayan sighed, "yallah douus" she said with a funny little snicker, unable to contain her excitement. Abdullah smiled at her, "3ad al7een la tezr3eena." he said and Rayan smacked his arm. "Eeh 3adey 3ashan t9eer shajara." she said and then quickly ducked, knowing Abdullah would probably slap her head or mess her ponytail. Abdullah burst into laughter, "laaa laaa 7elwaa." he said. Rayan lifted her head and looked at him, but it was a few seconds before Abdullah actually smacked her head. They both chuckled.



As soon as the car stopped moving, Rayan jumped out and jogged her way to the door. "Enzain la t9ekeen elbab ou tensainey!" Abdullah exclaimed out loudly with a funny remark. Rayan laughed as she waved her hand and left the door open for him. Abdullah stood there, his back to the car with his arms crossed over his chest. He inhaled, her perfume still lingered, and he could still hear her soft chuckle in his mind. He smiled, deep in his own thought, drowning in his own world, losing reality.



Rayan ran up the stairs and into her room, she didn't bother checking her father's room. She was still mad, furious, at the secrets he hid from her her and her sisters. She stepped out of her uniform while doing a little dance and smiled at the clothes on her bed, ready to be worn. She put on the same outfit she said she was going to wear, the sky blue maxi dress and double wrap brown belt. She let down her hair as she curled it in a matter of 10 minutes. She applied her daily makeup, consisted of bronzer, winged eyeliner, 2 coats of mascara and lipstick and she was ready to go. She grabbed her wedges, quickly putting them on.


She opened the door and pulled her violet suitcase, with her LV over sized bag in her hand, filled with books to read on the flight. She slowly walked down the stairs, trying to maintain her balance while carrying her bag. Abdullah chuckled at the sight of her, "3a6eeney awadeehum elsayara." he said as he reached out his arm and grabbed her suitcase.


Rayan subconsciously slapped her forehead as she remembered what she forgot. She ran up the stairs quickly and barged into her own room. She fiddled with her drawers until she found her personal notebook, where she wrote down anything and everything. She held it tightly in her arm and then skipped out of her room, switching off the lights and closing the door behind her.


"Rayan?" her father called out as she reached the last step of the staircase. She sighed, "hala?" she said, her voice suddenly cold and deprived of any emotion. "T3alay shway." he said, as sadness filled his voice and he couldn't hide it any longer. Rayan's feet carried up the stairs again and she stood by her fathers door. "Yuba magdar a6awel, 3baid yan6erney belsayara." she said, she didn't feel as comfortable as she used to around him.


Her father breathed out, "Bas kent bagoulech ena ana 7awaltlech flous, atwaqa3 akthar mn ma te7tajain bas gelt 3ashan twanseen nafsech ou tghayreen jaw. Ou bas, trou7on ou tredoun belsalama." he said, his eyes staring at the corner of the room and not at Rayan. "Okay mashkour." she said, turning her back and walking away.


She walked down the stairs with tears filling  her eyes. She didn't like the formality that now invaded her relationship with her father. She missed him terribly. But every time she looked at him, she couldn't help but imagine a daughter, a sister, she never met.


She got in the car quietly, which made Abdullah put on his questioning, suspicious behaviour. "Shfeech?" he asked as he smoothly pulled the car out of the parking space.  "Abdullah 3adey ma t7en? Ma feeney shay." she said harshly. And Abdullah just stopped questioning her any further.


If there's one thing Abdullah knew about Rayan, it was that she was going to talk when she became ready. She didn't like to be pushed or pressured to talk.


As Rayan stared out the window, her thoughts took her to the darkest of all places. She placed a hand on her mouth, trying to stop herself from bursting into tears. But one tear was all it took. One tear, betrayed her will and slid down her cheek. She quickly wiped it away, she knew she was getting closer to her destination, and thought she might need the tears later on.


"3ad omey mzahbatlech list aghrath tabeehum mn hnak." Abdullah said once he cut off the engine of the car and they both stepped out. Rayan just smiled, she didn't feel like the bright, bubbly her. She was struggling with what she was about to say, very much afraid of how to say it.


"Halaaa bel7elwaa halaaa." sang Hessa while standing up on her feet and opening her arms wide for Rayan. Rayan didn't hesitate, but threw herself into the arms of Hessa. She stood there, with her head on Hessa's shoulder as she cried silently. "Rayan shfeech?" Abdullah asked once he noticed her tears. Once Rayan felt Hessa start to loosen her grip, she cried harder.


"7abeebtey shfeeech? Khara3teeney wallah!" Hessa said once she sat Rayan down and Abdullah brought her a bottle of water. "Khaltey bagoulech shay ana ma geltah 7ag a7ad." Rayan started saying as her eyes stared at Abdullah, pleading for his compassion because she needed him more than ever.


Abdullah walked closer to where Rayan was sitting and crouched down on both knees. "Rayoun ana yamech. Goulay shfeech, wagaftay galbey wallah." he said and his eyes fell on her hands. He desperately wanted to hold them, to stop them from shaking. But he knew is boundaries.


"Ams 7almana bJenan..." she said, then stopped for a deep breath. Abdullah looked down at the ground. "Kanat msawya 3azeema, 3asha kbeeerr 7aaail." Rayan said and then let out one of her soft chuckles. A smile drew on Hessa's lips as she listened closely. "Kan kelah 7areem ma3arefhum. Bas sheft Jenan ou lamatneyy 7aaail ou galatley hatha ne9 el6ereej ou ge6a3teeh, elfal eltakharuj." continued Rayan, and a smile still stood strong on her face, even though her cheeks were flooded with tears. "Madrey shenu ya3ney, bas wayed estanast, chena ehia 7asa feeney." said Rayan before Hessa took her into her arms.


"Sheftay shloun, ya3ney ma khaletich. 7ata law e7na ma nshoufha, kafey ena ehia tshoufna ou t7es feena ou testanes la estanasna." said Abdullah as he held Rayan's hands and squeezed it for a couple of seconds before he let go and got up. "Yallah 3ahsan la net2akhar 3al6ayara." said Abdullah as he pulled his suitcase and headed for the door.


"Yallah 3ayal 7abeebtey, trou7on ou tredoun belsalama." said Hessa as she kissed Rayan's cheeks and gave her one last hug. Rayan just smiled and nodded and then reached for the door.



Rayan didn't stop by her mother's house because she already said goodbye the day earlier. The car ride to the airport was very quiet, she noticed how Abdullah was lost in deep thought, and she didn't bother to interrupt. She checked her phone for any messages from her dad, instead she found one from Hamad.


Hamad:
Naa6rechh<3

Rayan:
Omw:p.

Hamad:
I have something for you..

Rayan:
Shenuuuu?

Hamad:
Lma tyeen t3arfeen:p

Rayan:
Fine. Mara7 a7en because adrey law shenu ma tgouley, kalb:p

Hamad:
Ra7 ashtaglech wallah..

Rayan:
Me too:(


Soon enough, the car stopped moving and they were at the airport. Abdullah was walking beside her, pulling both suitcases and his backpack on his shoulder. "Tabeen nakel shay?" he asked Rayan with a smile on his face. Rayan shook her head,"Nakel dakhel a7san." she said and Abdullah remained quiet.


Throughout it all, Abdullah did everything and Rayan just followed him with her eyes glued to the screen of her phone. "Tabeen ndesh al7een? Ana you3an abey aakel." he said and they both chuckled. "Tadrey shloun, enta desh. Ana ban6er my friend ou adesh m3aha." she said and Abdullah just nodded as he handed her her passport and ticket. "An6erich 3end Starbucks." he said with a half smile then walked away.


For some reason, deep down in the bottom of his soul, he knew who Rayan was going to meet. But he had no right to stop her. Even though it shattered him to pieces, and his jealousy told him he was never going to have her.


Rayan dialed his number and pressed the phone to her ear. "Wainech?" he asked once he picked up, and they both felt each other's smile. "Ga3da amshey." she whispered, and Hamad chuckled once he noticed how shy she got. "Wainech ay 9oub?" he asked again. "Shda3wa kaney yaya, enta ga3ed foug?" she asked him and her stomach did a little dance. "Eeh." he said with a wide grin. "Okay 3ayal kaney 9a3da." she said then they both hung up.


Hamad kept his eyes on the staircase, his eyes dying to meet hers. And once he saw her walk over to him, he couldn't help but pull her into his hard chest. She wrapped her arms around him, with her face hid into his chest, inhaling his perfume. He smiled as he planted a kiss on her forehead. "You're beautiful." he whispered into her ears, and his English never failed to melt her down. She smacked his arm, and they both chuckled. "Shenu tabeen ashtreelich?" he asked before sitting down. "Mabey shay." she said shyly. Hamad smirked at her, "Adrey enech t7ebeen caramel latte, double shot and skimmed mild ou two packs of sugar. Ne6reeney hney." he said and then walked away.



Rayan chuckled, he was too sweet. He made her feel like the center of his universe. He made her feel important. But most importantly, he made her feel loved.


4 minutes later, she heard the sound of Hamad's footsteps on the staircase and she smiled. He walked over to her with her drink in his hand. "Tefathlay." he said with a wide grin on his face, showing of his pearly white straight teeth. "Thank you." Rayan said as she held the cup and their fingers brushed. "Move over." Hamad whispered, and Rayan moved a tad bit, making space for Hamad.


He sat to her right,lifting his arm and wrapping it around her, and she rested her head on his shoulder. He grabbed her hand with his right hand and intertwined their fingers, while Rayan kept sipping on her coffee with one hand only. "I'm going to miss you." Rayan said in a whisper, and Hamad brushed his lips on her cheek. "I'll call you every night. I'll text you all the time, mara7 tafgedeeney." he said, and Rayan smiled.


They sat in peace for a couple of minutes, then Rayan sat up straight. Hamad was alarmed, and he noticed the look on her face, like she was getting ready to say something. "7amoud bas2elik su2al." Rayan said while she fiddled with her cup of coffee. Hamad  pulled the cup out of her hands and placed it on the table. He sat down facing her, and held both her hands in his. "Goulay, shfeech 7ayatey?" he said, his voice deep and lovely.


"7amoud.. enta tadrey ana shkether aghar 9a7?" she started saying, but Hamad stopped her as he squeezed her hands. "Tabeen el9ej? Ana mara7 achatheb 3alaich, gbl kent a3aref banat ou akalem cham wa7da. Bas 3gb ma 3araftech akthar ou te3alagt fech, ektishaft ena ma7ad yeswa gheirech." he said, sounding very sincere.


He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, "I have no intentions in leaving you. A7ebich rayouna." he said with a smile on his face. "I love you too chubby face." she said and pinched his cheeks. Hamad kept smiling while looking into her eyes. He never wanted to look away. But he suddenly remembered something, and his smile grew.



"I have something for you." he said as he let go of her hand and stood up. He put his hand in the pocket of his grey shorts, and pulled out a little box. Rayan read the word "Tiffany" on the box and her eyes filled with tears. Hamad chuckled as he handed her the tiny little box.


"Ma 3araft shenu ashtreelich fa khathait farou7 ekhtey m3ay ou ehia ely ekhtarat. Etha ma 3jebach gouliley 3ashan athba7ha." he said and Rayan laughed. She unboxed it and found a silver charm bracelet. She looked at him with her lips forming an "o" shape. "Ashwa ya3ney 3ajbech." Hamad said with a loud laugh.


Rayan examined the charm bracelet, "Every charm represents a month we spend together. Ya3ney for every month, I'll buy a charm." Hamad said into her ears, and she was too shy to look up. "I love it 7amoud." she said and a tear escaped her eyes. Hamad wiped it away gently, his thumb brushing against her cheek. "A7ebik jaad." she said and gave him a bear hug.


No words could describe the amount of joy and love she felt at that moment. Blessed. Lucky. Fortunate.Auspicious. Whatever it was, it wasn't enough.



After putting on the bracelet, she counted the charms with Hamad. Five different charms for five different months. She kissed his cheek and promised to never ever take it off. "Have fun Okay?" Ou fakray feeney waayed waayed." Hamad said, sounding like a child. Rayan chuckled as she said he never leaves her mind. They said their goodbye and Hamad wished her a safe flight.


He watched her figure disappear into the crowd, but the sound of her voice, the melody of her laugh and the electric touch of her skin never left his head.