Confessions.50

A huge thank you to everyone who stuck by me!
Enjoy this for now!:*

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"Rayaaan! Yallah we're gonna be late!" Abdullah yelled from the room as Rayan stood in the bathroom, perfecting her makeup. "Okay I'll be out in a minute, la t7en" she yelled back, beginning to stress out as her eyeliner kepts smudging. Her hands were shaking out of excitement and both eyeliner wings looked completely different.


Abdullah stood by the door, unable to tear his gaze of Rayan's reflection in the mirror. "Shfeech? Ma khala9tay?" he asked in a soft tone, careful not to rush her. "Laa 3baid mo rathey yathbe6!" she whined, as she closed her liquid eyeliner and pulled out a cotton pad to clean out the smudges. "Enzain ne6ray la tems7eenah, wait khl ashouf." he said as he rushed and grabbed her hands from the wrist before she could clean out the eyeliner.


"Bel3aks shaklah zain, bas mes7ay hatha ely barrah ou saway nafs makeup nafs." he said, pointing at the wing. Rayan smiled, "Okay khala9, ely tgoulah." she said as her cheeks flushed, which she thought was weird because Abdullah''s compliments never made her blush. She just laughed as she playfully pushed Abdullah out of the bathroom and closed the door, "Shda3wa let me witness the magic." he yelled from behind the door and he heard Rayan's chuckle in return.


It took her exactly 15 minutes to take off all her makeup and reapply it, but it only took Abdullah 10 seconds to realize how she makes the makeup look good, not the other way around. "Meshaina?" she asked with a smile plastered on her face, and Abdullah nodded in reply. 


They took a cab to the concert, and Rayan kept chuckling randomly in excitement. "Shfeech? Lawa3tay chabdey tara." Abdullah said in a teasing tone and Rayan burst into laughter. "Bashouf 7abayeb galbeyyyy!" she said, meaning The Script. The cab driver named Robert turned on the radio, and as if it was meant to be, No words by the Script started blasting through the speakers. Rayan laughed so hard, it almost scared Abdullah. She quickly unlocked her phone and started recording the songs, in intentions of sending it to Hamad just to let him know she was thinking about him. Abdullah smiled genuinely at her as he started singing along. Rayan laughed, hoping the music was louder than Abdullah's voice, but little did she know that Hamad could hear Abdullah's voice louder than anything else.


The voice note was sent to Hamad via whatsapp, but his last seen was almost 2 hours ago. Locking her phone, she turned to look at Abdullah, who's voice suddenly faded away and was staring out the window, engaged in something very deeply. "Shfeek tana7t?" she asked, as her fingers touched his arms. "You3aaan." he cried out and they both burst into laughter. "Yalb6aaineyy tawek makel!" she exclaimed and Abdullah just laughed as he rested his hand on his growling stomach.


"Stop here." Rayan asked the cab driver as she extended an arm with the amount of cash and handed it to the smiling man. He thanked her, "You're a cute couple." he said right after Abdullah left and Rayan was the only one who heard. She smiled as her eyes glared at Abdullah who was stretching like a child. She chuckled and stepped out, closing the door behind her.


They walked into the nearest restaurant, ordered something to go and took a seat while waiting. "Ohh hatha swar ydeed?" Abdullah asked as he stared at Rayan, who was fiddling with the charm bracelet Hamad had given her. She nodded as she extended an arm, the two bracelets, the charm bracelet and the love bracelet from cartier, reflecting the light and complimenting her perfectly tanned arms.


A waiter arrived with their food in hand, they thanked him as they took off on their feet, heading to the arena where the concert was held. Abdullah was eating as he walked, "Ma tabeen?" he asked as he offered some fries, "No thank you. Shab3ana wallah." she said as she almost skipped her way to the concert. "A7san." he said as he stuffed his mouth with more fries. She playfully smacked his arm, and he elbowed her in return.


Reaching the arena, it was crowded, fans everywhere. Rayan thanked god in a silent prayer that her tickets were Fan pit and VIP, which meant they were able to enter the arena without waiting in line. "Emshay." he said, and Rayan unconsciously grabbed his arm, wrapping her fingers around his bicep as they struggled their way through the crowd.


People were staring, some commented on how cute they looked, due to the fact that they were wearing matching "I love The Script" shirts. Abdullah wore his very casually, as it perfectly hung over his body. While Rayan knotted her exactly above the waist,  and wore a black cotton maxi dress underneath. She didn't look like the obsessed Script fans, but was looking rather classy and casual. Her hair was in a ponytail and soft waves complemented the length of it. Colors blended into her cheeks like blush and perfect contour lines. Thick eyeliner framing her eyes, and perfect red lipstick made her look utterly stunning. She wanted to look good for pictures, if she ever had the time to take any.


They were stopped by the security, who asked to see their tickets very politely. Abdullah slid his backpack, which contained everything they might need, and pulled them out. Without examining them, the security smiled as he ushered them to go inside. "You're a nice couple by the way." he said as he winked at Rayan, who just smiled in return.


"Sema3tah?" she asked Abdullah, who was leading the way through crazy fans. "Shgaal?" he asked as he sneaked a glance at Rayan. "He said we're a cute couple." she said and then let out a chuckle. Heat rose all the way up to Abdullah's cheeks, but he was thankful Rayan couldn't notice. "Maybe we actually are." he said as he looked back at Rayan with half a smile. "Maybe." she said and  they both laughed.


The jokes always got the best of Abdullah, drawing images of them together, holding hands, in his head.


A tremendous concert, time well spent. Rayan expressed her appreciation to Abdullah, telling him she had the time of her life. To Abdullah, the smile on her face was more than worth the ache in his legs and the headache due to loud music.


They headed to Piccadilly for dinner, and as waiting for their food, Rayan realized she had forgotten about Hamad. She was blown away by the show The Script gave, and her breath was stolen right from her lungs. Checking her whatsapp, she found several messages from Hamad, each separated by at least an hour.

"Babyy! I miss you."

"Wainech? Ga3ed a7atey."

"6amneeney 7ayatey."

"Mmm. akeed lahya ma3a hathak. Have fun :)"

She sighed as she wrote a reply, "Heyy babe! Sorry I was at the concert and I didn't have any signal. Ou "hathak" esmah Abdullah. Malah da3ey elghala6." she sent that, getting very defensive and protective of Abdullah. Her phone vibrated with a reply within 3 minutes.

"Tdaf3een 3anah b3ad?"


"Hamad shfeek!! Faj2aa 3a9abt?"


"Eee eeh faj2a! Akeed ba3a9eb lma a7es ena 7abeebtey lahya ma3a wa7ed ghairey ou ana meshtaglaha!"

"Awe 7abeebey:(."

But even though she tried to reassure him that she only had eyes for him, Hamad sticked with reading and not replying. Which was such a terrible way to end her day, party pooper as she always called him.


But she was very thankful to have Abdullah sitting opposite of her. He made her laugh without even trying.


"Bacher wain tabeen tetsawegain?" he asked as he crossed his arms over his chest and leaned backwards. "Kel mukaan." she said along with a sigh. Abdullah chuckled as he ran a hand over his buzzcut hair. "Ma agoul ela allaah y3eeney." he said and Rayan gave him a puppy dog face. "Tadreen shloun? Ou e7na netsawag ekhtheeley ely tshoufeenah 7elu." he said and Rayan rose in excitement. "Akhethlik 3ala thouqey?" she asked, batting her eyes at him in a very funny way. "Eeeh ya3ney dam enich rathya feeney as a friend akeed thouqech 7elu." he said, ending it with a wink.


Rayan did not laugh, but pretended to gather her things and get ready to leave. Abdullah roared with laughter, "Laa wallah atghashmar bas ge3day." he said and they both laughed.


Abdullah pulled Rayan out of the misery she lived in. He colored her sky with such bright colorful colors. But her heart longed for Hamad, his voice and the gentleness of his touch.

My public personal life.

How would you feel if the most personal thing about you is the only thing people know about you?


Are you imagining? Are you even capable of imagining? Because that is the reality I live in every passing day.


I see everything surrounding me, but I wish I was blind, so I wouldn't be able to notice the stares.


I listen to my music a little too loudly, but I wish I was deaf, so I wouldn't be able to hear the loud whispers.


My lungs welcome the fresh air, but I desperately wish it would stop functioning. Why? Funny you ask.


Question marks roam my head, making me unable to answer your question.


Its never easy when all that people see when looking at you are those scars that stretch all the way on your arm. Society doesn't care enough to look at the reasons forcing you to pick up a razor blade. They don't listen to your deafening screams for help. They don't become aware of your battles and combats against yourself. No.


They encounter my life, not wanting to know, but only to scandalize what they want.


And I've reached a point, where silence seems to be the loudest noise I've ever heard. Smiles seem to hurt more than words, and the pain is equal to the feeling of numbness.


And the darkness makes me feel like glow.


A twisted story, a distorted encounter, an abnormal citizen.


Soon enough, the light appears.


But I question my reality.


Am I chasing a ray of hope? Or my own illusion?


They tell me I'm desperate for attention, that's why I'm too skinny.


They tell me I crave sympathy, that's why I bleed publicly.


They tell me I try too hard, that's why I chase their endorsement.

But that's not the story, it was never the story.


What happens when the face you see in the mirror is your worst enemy, and the voice of your own conscience happens to be the monster that lives inside you?


What happens when you're stabbed in the back, and you surrender to the open scars?


What happens when promises are empty words, and the only thing you can rely on is your dark corner in your head?


What happens when the dark is not as scary anymore? But is more like a safe place, keeping you away from yourself, where not even you can judge yourself.


What happens when company loves misery, not the other way around?



"Happiness will find you."


"Love can mend all."


"Time heals."


But I have come to find that we tell ourselves what we desperately want to believe.


Because neither time nor an emotion can fix personal destruction.


Can it?


Leaving those questions unanswered, until you step into my shoes.