Confessions.46

First of all,

This is for everyone who thinks I take too slow to post, or that I'm very demanding when I ask for comments and feedback.

Do you know how long it takes me to actually finish a post?
Do you know how irritating it is when you always tell me "its too short"?

You, are the ones who are very demanding.

If you hate waiting, stop reading.


I have a life as well, I'm not dedicating my entire time to the blog.
This is a hobby, NOT a homework.

And people who tell me I shouldn't have done this or I shouldn't have done that, seriously? Start your own blog ou sawaw ely tabounah, don't tell me what to do with my own story.

Just enjoy it while you can, sheesh.

AND THIS IS FOR *N*, YOUR COMMENT MADE MY DAYYY!!!
And F, I missed your comments tbh:p.



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She woke up in the morning and flinched when she noticed that her alarm clock didn't ring when it was supposed to. She felt a lump in her throat as she checked the setting of her alarm and noticed that she set it to PM rather than AM. A million curse words roamed her mind as she quickly forced herself out of her own bed and grabbed her Algebra books. She finished her math studies the night before but didn't have time for Algebra.


As being a senior, she needed every mark she could get. Even if that meant she had to cut off some of her sleeping for the sake of studying. She scattered her books and papers on the floor as she quickly started studying. Hoping she could at least remember those stuff if they were on her exam.



In a matter of 20 minutes, she had finished scanning through the first half. Rayan being a smart student, she didn't have any difficulties with Algebra. Her bedroom door was slowly opened and her father peeked his head. "Ohh ga3da." he said as he took a step inside. Rayan ran her hand through her hair frustratedly. Tears filled her eyes as she looked at her father, pleading for his embrace. He sighed as he walked closer to her and extended his arm. "T3alay 7abeebteyy." he said once Rayan placed her hand in his and he pulled her up.


He pulled her to his chest and started stroking her hair. "La tkhafeen baba I'm sure you'll do great." he said, noticing that  Rayan was crying. "Ma darast e79a2." she said in a whisper. Sadness in her voice, she didn't want to let her father down. "Affaaaa kel hal bachey 3ashan e79aa2! Sahel hathaa. Ta3alay adarsech." he said as he pulled away to wipe his daughters tears. Rayan smiled as she sat back down on the floor and her father sat with her. She had exactly 1 hour before having to go to school.


Her father did his best in helping Rayan. And in exactly 50 minutes, they wrapped up almost everything she was supposed to know. "Mashkour yuba. Madrey shra7 asawey bedounek." Rayan said, her eyes showing nothing but pure sincerity and she gave him one of her long compassionate hugs. "7abeebtey entay, yallah lebsay 3ala ma ajahezlich gahwetich ou shay takleenah gbl elemti7an." he said as he let go of her and walked out the door.


Walking around the kitchen, her father had one thing on his mind. Everytime he saw his daughter struggle with something, or cry all by herself in the darkness of her room, he would blame himself. He blamed himself because he couldn't make her feel better. He blamed himself for not raising his own daughter. Most importantly, he blamed himself for pushing away her own mother.


He know that at this age, a girl needs her mother. And the fact that Rayan was very far away from her mom, because of her father, made him feel a tad bit worse every day. He recalled everything that had happened that day, every little painful detail.


He had just returned from a business trip in Qatar and he was exhausted. He hadn't slept propely and the flight was delayed, which caused more exhaustion to him. He came back home to find his wife sitting in the living room, her legs crossed and he knew she was eying the door, waiting for him. "Elsalaam" he said as he forced a smile. But his wife didn't smile back. "Besmellah shfeech mkashra bwayhey? Sh9ayer?" he asked confused. "Meta benkhale9 mn suwalef elkhash ou elasrar? 19 senaaa Faisal wla geltleyy ena 3endik bent? Enta shenu mn rayal? she said, her voice shaky and she looked vulnerable. He sighed, knowing that when the truth is out, there's nothing for him to do. "Shdarach?" he asked, avoiding eye contact. "Ya3ney 9ej?..." she asked, swallowing that lump in her throat. "Kan wdey tgouley ena mo 9ej. Ena ehia mthay3a. Enha mo bentek. Ayy shayy bas mo 9ej." shaking her head in disgust, she couldn't stand being in the same room with him. "6allegney." she said as she stared at the ground. Her voice very much cold and emotionless. She noticed him building up his courage to speak. "Ana ray7a bait ahaley." she said as she quickly rushed past him and up the stairs to her room. He stood there, feeling more powerless than ever. He had no idea what to say or do to fix what was damaged. And then it him, it wasn't reparable. He built his marriage based on secrets, and now he was to watch it fall apart.
20 minutes later, he saw his wife walk down the stairs with a bag in her hand. He tried to talk, to speak up, but there was nothing to say. She walked out without glancing at him and slammed the door behind her. He checked his watch, it was exactly the time Rayan would come back from school. He sighed as he secretly wished she wouldn't witness anything of this mess.




He heard the sound of his daughters footsteps. In mere seconds, he was out of his flashback and back to reality, "Ha mest3eda?" he asked as he handed her a mug of coffee. She nodded silently as she sat on one of the high chairs. She sat there quietly, worrying about the test she was about to do. And he worried about the same thing, his daughter finding out the destructive secret.


Rayan kindly asked her driver to take her to school, and just as she was about to walk out of the door, her father called her name. "Hla?" she turned around. "Good luck." he said as he forced a smile. She smiled back and then disappeared.


He walked up to his room and sat on his bed. His mug of coffee in hand, but he was deep in thought. He kept remembering her laughter, the way she dressed and how much she loved her short pink skirt, how she believed a unicorn lived under her bed and she could see him, and how she was a replica of her mother.


He picked up the phone and scrolled through his call list. He spotted her name and decided to call her. Placing the mug on table as he stood up, he couldn't help but feel nervous. He hasn't talked to her in 2 months, and he had no explanation. He pressed the phone to his ears and started pacing the floor, waiting for the lines to connect.


He wasn't expecting her to answer, after all, it was pretty late in New York. "aloo?" she said, her voice excited and confused at the same time. "Anwaar?" he asked, and he heard her soft chuckle on the other end. "Eeeh, anwaar." she said again. Her voice full of disbelief and she kept wondering why he would call.


"How are you?" he asked, his English fluent because of the years he spent living in the US. "I'm good, thank you for asking. How are you?" she asked, and he sensed something in her voice. "I'm good too, isn't it a bit late in New York?" he asked and Anwaar said it was but she explained by saying she was at her friend's.


"I don't want to sound disrespectful, but may I ask why you're calling?" she said. Her father froze in place, why was he calling? He swallowed hard and then spoke. "Can't a man check up on his daughter?" he said, and that was the real reason. Anwaar smiled but quickly frowned. "Don't you have other daughters to check up on?" she said, anger and hurt filled her up but she quickly disguised it.


He let out a deep breath, "Honey, I thought we spoke about that." he said sounding very stern. She sighed, "You talked about it. I never did." she said. "Don't talk back to me!" he growled, but that didn't scare her. "I'm discussing. Learn the difference." she said. He was taken aback by her reply, never expecting she would be this disrespectful.


"I never understood why it bothered you. It was your decision to leave with your mom." he said. Anwaar kept quiet for a few seconds. "How about you tell me why your new, so called "family" doesn't know about me?" she asked, because she knew she was the reason behind the divorce.


"Because ya Anwaar, somethings are better left unsaid. I will tell my daughters when the time is right." he said, sounding very much convinced. She sighed, "Its not fair for me to not know my own sisters." she said, full of sadness. "I'm so sorry. You'll meet them very soon, I promise." he said, and they both went silent.


"Tell me about them." she said, sounding helpless and desperate to know about her half sisters. He smiled as he started speaking. "You would love them! I have 3 daughters, Rayan is the oldest, she's a senior, very smart and beautiful. She looks very much like you, you'd actually be surprised." he chuckled and Anwaar smiled. "Who else?" she asked in her English accent which she took from her American mother. "And then we have Arwa, she's15. Very stubborn and quiet. She was closer to her mother and rarely spent any time with me, unlike Rayan." he said, and he realized how much he missed his Arwa's shyness.


"Haha she sounds a lot like me." Anwaar said cheerfully and Faisal chuckled. "Indeed she does. And then we have Dalia, my yuongest." he said with a smile on his face. "Dad, I have to go, my cab is here but I'll talk to you tomorrow Okay?" she said in a hurry and Faisal wished her a goodnight.



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Shocking?:p
As you may see, you guys are still in the dark about all this. I have left some parts unexplained for a reason. You'll find out in the next post;)

comment?