Confessions.52

To everyone who has done nothing but support and wait, give me the time I need to write and post. 
Words can't describe how thankful I am for the nice words you've said to me. 

Blessed. 

-

Previously. 

At 3 am sharp, the door was pushed open, and Abdullah walked in, causing Rayan to jump in fear. "Tawek rad?" she asked, but Abdullah was unable to answer...


She quickly sat up, even with her eyes half open, she could still feel the rush of fear run through her veins. Abdullah only looked at her for a brief moment then looked away. "Rou7ay namay." he said, as cold as ever. 


Rayan got up to her feet, crossing her arms over her torso. "3baid wain kent? Khara3tney wallah kent a7ateek." she said, her voice full of worry. She slowly approached Abdullah as he was pulling out his pajama clothes from the closet. Slowly touching his bicep, Abdullah did not even flinch. "3baaid..." she said in a whisper, tears clouding her vision. 


He moved away, "Geltlich rou7ay namay.". But even though he asked her to leave, he did not leave himself. He stood there quietly, looking into her eyes with his folded pajamas in his hand. Deep into the ocean forming in her eyes, he sighed, putting down his pajamas and pulling her closer to his chest. It was an unconscious move for both of them. 


Her face sunk into his shirt, inhaling his perfume and the smell of cigarettes. She cried uncontrollably, her sobs loud enough to rip his heart apart. His chin was rested on the top of her head as his hand ran down her hair. Her arms were tight around his waist, but she pulled her face away because the smell of cigarettes suffocated her. He held her from the shoulders, and then slowly raised his hand to wipe her tears with his thumb. 


His fingers cold, his touch electric. But she still pulled away, wiping her tears with her own hands. She stubbornly took a step back, "Mara7 tgouley wain kent?" she said, still struggling to catch a proper breath. His expressions changed, "Rayan khala9 rou7ay namay." he said firmly, triggering Rayan's rage and anger. 


"Betgoul wain kent wela shloun?" she almost yelled. Abdullah looked at her with his eyes wide open in shock, "La t9arkheen, asghar 3yalech ana?" he said even louder. She shook her head, "Shouf enta shkhaash 3aney." she said in a disappointed tone, "Ga9at 3alaik Wedad?" 


He laughed ironically, "3abalech nafsech ana 3ashan yenga9 3alay? Entay ely yach lzbala hathak ou la3ab b7esbitech.". Leaving Rayan in shock, he picked up his pajamas and pushed past her, sitting on the bed and taking off his shoes.


She rubbed her eyebrows, willing the tears to stop streaming. "Rou7ay ebchay bmukan thaney." he said coldly, tossing his socks onto the floor. "Aham shay 9a7..." she said, feeling weak and fragile. "Mushkeltech, entay yayba el7achey 7ag rou7ech." he stated. 


She couldn't figure out what drove him to act that way, confused and ashamed, she grabbed his box of cigarettes and lighter and smashed them into the wall. Luckily, the lighter did not break, but it was good enough to get his attention. "Al7een laish tabcheen! Shenu ybachey?" he yelled as he bolted towards her. 


"Ma tgouley wain kent ma3a Wedad? Abdullah kent ga3da a7ateek. Kent khayfa 3alaik, ou chthey tkalemney?" she said, all with a breath in her lungs. Letting it out, Abdullah dropped his hands helplessly to his sides. No matter how mad, upset, or pissed he was at her, the compassion and love she projected towards him was his weakness. 


He held both her hands in his, "Wa9alt Wedad sheqat'ha ou 6la3at rfeejat'ha nayma ou Wedad ma ma3aha mefta7. Ma gedart amshey ou akhaleeha 3end elbab fa thaba6tl'ha ghurfa bfendeq ou radait." he told her, as he held her hands tighter. 


She sobbed a little more, "Laish ma geltley? Laish ma 6amantney?" she told him with tears staining her face. "Ma hagaitech bet7ateen." he said with a sad expression on his face. 


"Ou laish ma a7atey?" she asked, very much confused. Abdullah let out a breath he had been holding in for a few moments. Hesitated to speak, he finally gathered the strength to say it, "Le2ana 3endich ghairey."


His words were like daggers pointed straight at her heart. She opened her mouth to talk but then quickly shut it. "9a3eb 7ail eney aghar 3alaich ou ana adrey ena ma y7egley. 9a3eb eney akhaf 3alaich ou a7ateech ou ana adrey enich bet6amneen ghairey gabl ma t6amneeney. ou a93ab ba3ad enich tadreeen ana shkther a7ebich ou a3ezich bas ham ekhtartay ghairey." he said, making this confessions unconsciously.


Rayan took a step back, pulling her hands from his. She suddenly felt like she was betraying Hamad as a feeling of guilt suffocated her every breath. "Rayan tekfain." he said, wiping his brow. She took another step back, her expression blank. 


"Mo chthey qasdey..." he started saying but she cut him off. "Laish ma geltley?"  she said, her hands covering her lips. He sighed once again, shame washing over his face. He always knew he was strong enough to hold it in, to wait until she graduated so he van give her the choice to be his, for eternity. And to make their love immortal. 


"Obouch kan watheq feeney. Ma kent abey akhoun haltheqa. Kent nawey agoulech 3gb ma tetkharejain." he said, ending it with a deep sigh. Rayan cried silently as she swam deep in her thoughts. Everything suddenly made sense to her.


"7ata Jenan kanat tadrey." he suddenly said, smiling.  "Omey ou obouy daraw. Kanaw ygoulon ena ybayen b3youney." he said, chuckling. "Kel elnas la7ethat ela entay." and suddenly frowning again. 


Rayan sat down on the floor, feeling like the world was spinning too fast and her knees were weak. With her back to the bed, she hugged her knees tight, sobbing silently. How she not have noticed? She had never meant for any of this to happen. Love towards Abdullah flooded inside of her, but she was still strongly in love with Hamad. 


"Rayan mabey akhserich. Sem3eeney 3adel." he said, crouching down next to her, forcing her to look into his eyes. "Etha merta7a m3ah ou t7beenah, ou etha ohwa m3awthech 3an elnas kelha, allaah ywafegkum ou yakteblkum ely feh kel khair. Mabey ashoufech met'thaygaa." he said helplessly. 


"Etha allah kateb ena ana akoun lech kel ely tabeenah ou te7tajainah, 3ayal hatha ely be9eer. Bas etha allah kateb enich tkouneen 7ag ghairey, hathey qesma ou na9eeb." But even a fake smile could not convince Rayan. 


In her eyes, he read an emotion he had never seen before. He can tell that her heart was torn into two. He sat next to her, raising an arm and placing it on her shoulder, pulling her closer and resting her head on his chest. She could make out the rythmetic pulse of his heart. 


His finger traced her jaw line, they have never been that close, but Abdullah could not help but overwhelm himself with love and passion. 


They breathed together, she inhaled while her exhaled, and so on. Neither of them made a move, they just sat there silently. Wide awake until the sun said its Hello.


- 
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Confessions.51

I know I haven't been posting, but bear with me please!

Enjoy and comment!

www.ask.fm/confessiveblog


-

Sunny yet cold mornings in London, the weather Abdullah disliked. But he forced himself through the cold, because the smile that will soon be drawn on Rayan's face would be worth it.

He stretched his arms and pushed himself out of bed, he picked up the black T-shirt that was lying just under the bed and put it on. As he walked to the bathroom, a knock on the door knotted his eyebrows. Peeking through the whole, Rayan was wearing a peplum white dress that reached just above the knee, and a thin red belt brought out her perfect curves. She smiled, knowing Abdullah was peeking through the whole. He unlocked the door and let her in, unable to tear his gaze from her.

Her hair was curled into big bouncy curls, with a perfect side part and her hair was gathered neatly altogether and sat perfectly on her right shoulder. "Ne6reeney shower ou a6la3lech." he said as he gestured toward the bed for her to take a seat. Rayan just smiled as she placed her red Prada clutch on the bed and took out her phone, letting Abdullah do his magic.

She went straight to whatsapp, with the intention of greeting Hamad. That is the thing with Rayan, she forgets she was upset as soon as she realizes she does not want to loose the person she was upset with. "Good morning babe:*" she sent, as her fingers danced on the touch screen of her iphone 5. His last seen was minutes ago, so she expected a reply pretty soon.

Ahlan, 9aba7 elkhair, he replied, and Rayan thought it was pretty cold, suspecting he was still mad.

9aba7 elnour. 7amoud fek shay?

La. 

Babyy:(, and then she snapped a picture of her reflection in the mirror, the picture showed her pretty dress and perfect hair, and sent it.

She was smiling at the camera, and as soon as Hamad saw it, he smiled back.

Beautiful mashallah.

At that very moment, just as Rayan was feeling lucky and blessed, Abdullah unlocked the door and took a step out. Rayan was too engrossed in the conversation with Hamad, she barely heard Abdullah clear his throat. "Rayoun khala9t. Yallah." he said because he was tired of waiting. Rayan chuckled as placed the Prada clutch under her arm and walked in front of Abdullah, making their way downstairs for breakfast.


She drank her latte quietly as Abdullah had his mouth full of waffles. She smiled and he chocked, which caused her to chuckle a little too loud. He laughed back and she covered her mouth, trying to hold in the laughter. "Shda3wa chenik awal marra tshouf waffles?" she said and laughed again, tears of laughter in her eye.

He lifted his hand, explaining, "Law sama7tay, ana waray jehad b3ad shway." he said and stuffed a waffle into his mouth again. "Kelha soug yal3ayar." and she crossed her arms over her chest. Abdullah laughed sarcastically, which resulted in her losing control and surrendering to the laughter.


People seated in nearby tables smiled and stared, assuming they were a cute young couple. Everytime Rayan stared into Abdullah's eyes, a new kind of emotion would surfaced, obvious enough for Rayan to notice.

 Abdullah tagged along as Rayan went shopping, carrying her bags and telling her how everything looked good on her. He meant it, but Rayan took it as a funny remark.

He was standing outside a designer boutique, refreshing his timeline with the intentions of wasting time till Rayan finished her shopping. His head shot up at the calling of his name, "Hi, remember me?" she asked with a shy smile on her face, hoping he would recognize her.

Abdullah was confused at first, but the his smile grew wider. "Wedad! Ahlaain! Asef wallah ma 3araftech, metghayra mashallah." he said as his hand fell to his side, he was shy around any woman other than Rayan. But Wedad made him feel comfortable.

"Shyaybek London?" she asked after the regular greeting of How Are You's. "Yay ma3a elahal." he said just as Rayan left the boutique to find them standing together. She stood a few steps away, eyeing everything before interrupting.

Wedad's eyes fell on Rayan, and she figured she was waiting for Abdullah.He turned his head around to find Rayan standing behhind him, with new bags in her hand. "Oh sorry ma sheftich." he said, but did not bother offering to carry her bags. "La 3adey." Rayan said as she forced a smile on her face.


They stood there awkwardly, and Abdullah decided to introduce them. "Rayan hathey Wedad, kanat m3ay lma yeet darast hney course, tathkreen?" he told her, and Rayan nicely greeted her. "Hathey Rayan." he simply told Wedad.


Another moment of silence took over, and Abdullah was rocking on his heels. "Tadroun shloun? Rayan shrayech tkamleen teseweg 3ala ma ana arou7 akhethly gahwa ma3a  Wedad..." he said, then turned to Wedad, "Shrayech?" he asked her, and she happily nodded in agreement. They turned around and started walking, keeping a reasonable amount of distance between them, but Abdullah didn't even stop to hear Rayan's opinion.


She stood there, processing what just happened. And she realized Abdullah had even left the old bags right where they were. Annoyed, she picked up the bags grumpily and walked all the way back to her hotel.

Without calling for a cab, she was tired halfway through. The hotel was 20 more minutes away and the bags were too heavy for her to carry, considering she was wearing heels. She halfheartedly pulled out her phone and called Hamad, after the third ring, she heard his voice.

"Haaa baby." he said, his reply a bit late because of the distance.

She did not greet him back, but only sobbed.

"Shfeech! Laish tabcheen! Rayouna 7abeebtey la tkhar3eeney gouleeley shfeech!" he begged through the phone, his stomach knotting as he thought of the worst that can happen while she was thousands of miles away.


"Ta3aabt 7amoud. Elfendeq b3eed ou eedey 6a7at ou ana shayla halchyas ou 3baid madrey wainah." she cried, Hamad sighed, obviously annoyed.

"Shfeeeh hatha! Enshallah ma ykhaleech brou7ech! Ya3ney ma ykhaf 3alaich! Wallah law agdar chan ana yayech al7een!" he yelled, resulting in Rayan to cry a little harder.


He calmed himself down in order for him to e able to calm her down. "Khala9 7ayatey te3awethay mn blees ou goumayy reday elfendeq ou khaleeeney 3al kha6..." he said, then changed his mind, "Wla khala9 sedeeh ou ana al7een adeg 3alaich, khalay ra9eedech 7ag b3dain la baghaitay shay." 

She agreed and so he did, he called her back and waited on the other end of the phone until he made sure she was safe inside her suite. "Yallah 7abeebtey erta7ay, adrey fech ta3bana." he whispered, and Rayan finally stopped sobbing. "I love you." she whispered back.


A smile was drawn on Hamad's face, he wished to see the smile on hers as well. "I love you too." he said and they both hung up.


Rayan changed into comfy PJ's and decided to wait until Abdullah came back, she needed to talk to him. Hours passed by until she eventually fell asleep on his bed, where she was waiting for him.


At 3 am sharp, the door was pushed open, and Abdullah walked in, causing Rayan to jump in fear. "Tawek rad?" she asked, but Abdullah was unable to answer....