Confessions.52

To everyone who has done nothing but support and wait, give me the time I need to write and post. 
Words can't describe how thankful I am for the nice words you've said to me. 

Blessed. 

-

Previously. 

At 3 am sharp, the door was pushed open, and Abdullah walked in, causing Rayan to jump in fear. "Tawek rad?" she asked, but Abdullah was unable to answer...


She quickly sat up, even with her eyes half open, she could still feel the rush of fear run through her veins. Abdullah only looked at her for a brief moment then looked away. "Rou7ay namay." he said, as cold as ever. 


Rayan got up to her feet, crossing her arms over her torso. "3baid wain kent? Khara3tney wallah kent a7ateek." she said, her voice full of worry. She slowly approached Abdullah as he was pulling out his pajama clothes from the closet. Slowly touching his bicep, Abdullah did not even flinch. "3baaid..." she said in a whisper, tears clouding her vision. 


He moved away, "Geltlich rou7ay namay.". But even though he asked her to leave, he did not leave himself. He stood there quietly, looking into her eyes with his folded pajamas in his hand. Deep into the ocean forming in her eyes, he sighed, putting down his pajamas and pulling her closer to his chest. It was an unconscious move for both of them. 


Her face sunk into his shirt, inhaling his perfume and the smell of cigarettes. She cried uncontrollably, her sobs loud enough to rip his heart apart. His chin was rested on the top of her head as his hand ran down her hair. Her arms were tight around his waist, but she pulled her face away because the smell of cigarettes suffocated her. He held her from the shoulders, and then slowly raised his hand to wipe her tears with his thumb. 


His fingers cold, his touch electric. But she still pulled away, wiping her tears with her own hands. She stubbornly took a step back, "Mara7 tgouley wain kent?" she said, still struggling to catch a proper breath. His expressions changed, "Rayan khala9 rou7ay namay." he said firmly, triggering Rayan's rage and anger. 


"Betgoul wain kent wela shloun?" she almost yelled. Abdullah looked at her with his eyes wide open in shock, "La t9arkheen, asghar 3yalech ana?" he said even louder. She shook her head, "Shouf enta shkhaash 3aney." she said in a disappointed tone, "Ga9at 3alaik Wedad?" 


He laughed ironically, "3abalech nafsech ana 3ashan yenga9 3alay? Entay ely yach lzbala hathak ou la3ab b7esbitech.". Leaving Rayan in shock, he picked up his pajamas and pushed past her, sitting on the bed and taking off his shoes.


She rubbed her eyebrows, willing the tears to stop streaming. "Rou7ay ebchay bmukan thaney." he said coldly, tossing his socks onto the floor. "Aham shay 9a7..." she said, feeling weak and fragile. "Mushkeltech, entay yayba el7achey 7ag rou7ech." he stated. 


She couldn't figure out what drove him to act that way, confused and ashamed, she grabbed his box of cigarettes and lighter and smashed them into the wall. Luckily, the lighter did not break, but it was good enough to get his attention. "Al7een laish tabcheen! Shenu ybachey?" he yelled as he bolted towards her. 


"Ma tgouley wain kent ma3a Wedad? Abdullah kent ga3da a7ateek. Kent khayfa 3alaik, ou chthey tkalemney?" she said, all with a breath in her lungs. Letting it out, Abdullah dropped his hands helplessly to his sides. No matter how mad, upset, or pissed he was at her, the compassion and love she projected towards him was his weakness. 


He held both her hands in his, "Wa9alt Wedad sheqat'ha ou 6la3at rfeejat'ha nayma ou Wedad ma ma3aha mefta7. Ma gedart amshey ou akhaleeha 3end elbab fa thaba6tl'ha ghurfa bfendeq ou radait." he told her, as he held her hands tighter. 


She sobbed a little more, "Laish ma geltley? Laish ma 6amantney?" she told him with tears staining her face. "Ma hagaitech bet7ateen." he said with a sad expression on his face. 


"Ou laish ma a7atey?" she asked, very much confused. Abdullah let out a breath he had been holding in for a few moments. Hesitated to speak, he finally gathered the strength to say it, "Le2ana 3endich ghairey."


His words were like daggers pointed straight at her heart. She opened her mouth to talk but then quickly shut it. "9a3eb 7ail eney aghar 3alaich ou ana adrey ena ma y7egley. 9a3eb eney akhaf 3alaich ou a7ateech ou ana adrey enich bet6amneen ghairey gabl ma t6amneeney. ou a93ab ba3ad enich tadreeen ana shkther a7ebich ou a3ezich bas ham ekhtartay ghairey." he said, making this confessions unconsciously.


Rayan took a step back, pulling her hands from his. She suddenly felt like she was betraying Hamad as a feeling of guilt suffocated her every breath. "Rayan tekfain." he said, wiping his brow. She took another step back, her expression blank. 


"Mo chthey qasdey..." he started saying but she cut him off. "Laish ma geltley?"  she said, her hands covering her lips. He sighed once again, shame washing over his face. He always knew he was strong enough to hold it in, to wait until she graduated so he van give her the choice to be his, for eternity. And to make their love immortal. 


"Obouch kan watheq feeney. Ma kent abey akhoun haltheqa. Kent nawey agoulech 3gb ma tetkharejain." he said, ending it with a deep sigh. Rayan cried silently as she swam deep in her thoughts. Everything suddenly made sense to her.


"7ata Jenan kanat tadrey." he suddenly said, smiling.  "Omey ou obouy daraw. Kanaw ygoulon ena ybayen b3youney." he said, chuckling. "Kel elnas la7ethat ela entay." and suddenly frowning again. 


Rayan sat down on the floor, feeling like the world was spinning too fast and her knees were weak. With her back to the bed, she hugged her knees tight, sobbing silently. How she not have noticed? She had never meant for any of this to happen. Love towards Abdullah flooded inside of her, but she was still strongly in love with Hamad. 


"Rayan mabey akhserich. Sem3eeney 3adel." he said, crouching down next to her, forcing her to look into his eyes. "Etha merta7a m3ah ou t7beenah, ou etha ohwa m3awthech 3an elnas kelha, allaah ywafegkum ou yakteblkum ely feh kel khair. Mabey ashoufech met'thaygaa." he said helplessly. 


"Etha allah kateb ena ana akoun lech kel ely tabeenah ou te7tajainah, 3ayal hatha ely be9eer. Bas etha allah kateb enich tkouneen 7ag ghairey, hathey qesma ou na9eeb." But even a fake smile could not convince Rayan. 


In her eyes, he read an emotion he had never seen before. He can tell that her heart was torn into two. He sat next to her, raising an arm and placing it on her shoulder, pulling her closer and resting her head on his chest. She could make out the rythmetic pulse of his heart. 


His finger traced her jaw line, they have never been that close, but Abdullah could not help but overwhelm himself with love and passion. 


They breathed together, she inhaled while her exhaled, and so on. Neither of them made a move, they just sat there silently. Wide awake until the sun said its Hello.


- 
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