Contrary all evidence. (1)

First of all, I am extremely sorry for the blackout, I got a little carried away with the summer vacation LOL. 

Second, as it may seem, I'm facing a huge writer's block regarding Confessions. And I lack the inspiration as well. So I thought that if I started this very VERYY short story, it may get the inspiration going. 



THIS STORY, was inspired by an event I'm sure some you may have read about in the newspaper or through twitter. If you have any details regarding it, please share them with me on twitter, ask, or Kik (Confessiveblog). Any little detail may trigger a lot more thoughts. 

I have no intentions in recreating the original events, I'm only trying to spread a message (which, hopefully, everyone will get). 

Reading about it, and knowing the people who were damaged, moved something in me, and I am sure it will move most of you in the very exact way. 

AANDD, I don't want any names mentioned. They will be deleted and the person will be blocked. So please, let's respect other people's privacy. 

Enjoyyyy xo
-

7 years.
2556 days that I have kept it to myself.
All the details, the pain and the sorrow that comes along, all bottled up inside.
I refused to let myself cry. I refused to speak about. It was my weakness, and I refused to let it takeover.

I thought I was strong enough to move past it, but never. The memory will always and forever haunt me. It stitched itself to my brain, having its hold on me. And every time I grew, it grew along with me, until it became a permanent part of me, my reality, and my past.


Its something about memories and the reason we hold onto them, the reason we refuse to let ourselves forget them. I found it was because they provided us with the semi presence of a lost soul. And that was, somehow, all I needed.


The scars that rested on my arms, the constant reminder to my fears and weakness. They were nothing but a count for times I almost gave up. The burn marks and wounds spreading all over my back, were only gates for the public into my story. A story I never dared share, until today...


Until 7 years later. I sat across from him on the table assigned to us in one of the best restaurants in New York. I only met his gaze a few times, but they were enough to know what he was about to ask me. I fidgeted with the sleeves of my sweater, pulling them in order to cover my hands. I balled my fists and dug them under the red sheets of the table, so the sleeves won't crawl up my wrist and reveal what I've been trying to hide.


"Give me your hands." he said, pushing away the plate that was in front of me and stretching his arm towards me. I stared at his hands, we never held hands. I don't remember the last time I held anyone's hand. I closed my eyes and shook my head, indication a no. I pulled the sweater further up to cover my fingers, to stop myself from scratching my hands in public. I had to stop it.


He couldn't help but sigh, "I don't know what's wrong with you. You're on your honeymoon AND in New York. Do you know how many girls wish for a honeymoon like this? Why are you not happy?"  he whispered with direct annoyance towards me. He huffed and started looking around for a waiter. I kept my eyes closed, not wanting to face the truth I lived.


The waiter hovered above us, and I let Wahab make all the food decisions. I looked up at the waiter and smiled, "Its nice to see you again Mr.Wahab.", he said and then gave us his back and walked away. "I'm a well known customer." Wahab said with a slight smile. I faked a smile and nodded.


We sat in silence as I watched the candle placed between us twitch with every breath we took. It triggered so many memories, ones I hoped I would put to rest, at least for the time being. Pain started throbbing in my head, but I wouldn't take my eyes off of it. My fingers were shaking under the table and I tucked them under my thighs, hoping to stop the shaking. But it was not long until Wahab noticed me staring intensely at it. Tears streamed down my face and, for the first time, I felt weak and far away.


Wahab quickly got up from his seat and crouched down next to me. He pushed my seat back a little and forced me to face him, but I still had my hands underneath my thighs. He pushed my hair back, tucking it behind my ears and revealing the hideous burn marks I hated so badly. Tears blurred my vision, but I could clearly see his expressions. His kissed my forehead and pulled my hands, holding them tightly in his. "Its okay. You'll be okay. I promise." he whispered, and maybe, he sounded convincing and heart warming. But I was numb to it all.

The food, I cannot judge it because I didn't even touch it. It annoyed Wahab so much, but I couldn't help it. Something was making me uncomfortable, making me shift in my own seat. I kept looking behind my back, making sure my sweater covered everything.


It was nice cold night in New York, we decided to walk all the way back to our hotel. It wasn't a long walk, but I didn't enjoy it as much as Wahab did. It was a crowded street, and as we were about to cross it, I felt Wahabs arms touching my back and pulling me slightly closer to his side. It was nice, but there were no butterflies, as I expected.


As soon as we got to the hotel, I locked myself in the bathroom and stood in front of the mirror. The burn wounds I spent 7 years hiding behind my side swept bangs, were visible. I was too scared to touch them, because I secretly hoped they were only there in my imagination.


But there was no denying it, it was real, along with everything else on my body. I took  off my sweater, and let it fall down to the floor. I gave my back to the mirror and stared and the wounds also stretching all around my back and the right side of my body. Looking at them was as painful as it gets.


"Farah! Your phone is ringing!" he said, and I could feel him standing behind the door. Maybe he thought I was crying, and he wanted to check if he could hear any sobs. But I wasn't. I quickly put my sweater back on and unlocked the door, rushing to my phone. But as soon as I reached it, the caller hung up.


I sat on the bed, with a frown on my face. "You do realize that your sweater is inside out, right?" I heard Wahab ask, and when I looked down at my sweater, I couldn't help but laugh. I was in a hurry, I must have put it on without realizing it was inside out.


"Farah?" Wahab whispered my name, I didn't answer, but instead lost myself in his eyes. "What's your story? Why are you always upset? Tell me, please. It can be our burden instead of yours."


I wanted to tell him. But how do you tell the person you are supposed to share your life with that you take the blame for the death of your father?


-

It's not as long as I thought it would be, sorry:(.

This is only the introduction. Please let me know what you think on ask, www.ask.fm/confessiveblog.

Or let me know directly through kik (confessiveblog.)

 

Confessions.53

Yes, go ahead and tell me how much of a terrible blogger I am, like I have no personal life of my own. -.- 

And this goes to @Haltunaib, sorry I couldn't do it on your birthday!:D x 

Ps. Let me know if there any spelling/grammar mistakes, I didn't spell check. :p -

Everything will change. She felt it coming the moment she opened her eyes and did not feel his hard chest against her back the way she fell asleep. Her head was now rested on a bunch of pillows exactly in the position Abdullah was in. She felt him move around, get up and put the pillows instead,  but she preferred pretending like she  hadn't. Because it was better than acknowledging the fact that he sneaked out of the room, which may lead to him saying something like he may be regretting what he had said.


She pushed herself up, causing the 6 pillows Abdullah placed behind her to collapse altogether and rest on the floor. Her heart ached in its little socket, for what she had done, or had forced to be done. She walked lazily to the bathroom, locking the door behind her, just in case. She stood in front of the mirror, not to check her reflection, but only to realize the amount of changes that have occurred ever since "that day". She was such a different person on the day prior to the catastrophe. She felt different.


She felt the twist in her stomach as the thoughts and memories of Jenan flooded back. She tried to block them, to keep them away, but you can only hold the river for so long.


Her laugh, her mind, her words. Everything about her. Found a way into her mind and settled down, leaving her with nothing but the choice of re-exploring the pain and the suffering all over again. Tears flooded down her face, dripping down her jaw line. Her head was throbbing, struggling to catch a breath.


A knock on the door had startled her, and the familiar soothing of voice of Abdullah was loud and clear. "Rayan m6awla? Abey akalmech." he said and Rayan extended an arm to unlock the door. Abdullah twisted the doorknob and slowly pushed the door open, popping his head inside the bathroom. He withdrew a breath at the sight of her with tears running down her face. He couldn't help but force her into a hug.


Little did he know, it was her own safe haven.


"Shfeech?" he asked after he forced her out of the bathroom and sat her on the bed, still holding her very tightly and caressing her hair very gently. She shook her, implying there was nothing wrong, nothing to worry about.


"Shenu kent betgouley?" she asked him, after she calmed down and got perfectly ready for brunch with him. They were alone in the elevator, headed to the lobby to call for a cab. Abdullah examined her as she tossed perfectly curled strand of hair behind her shoulders, resting it carefully alongside the rest of her beautiful curls.

She wore an oversized button down top, the white color complimenting her skin tone. She tucked the front part of her top into a splash colored pair of trousers, leaving the back part of her top untucked. She tied a pretty pink scarf in a ribbon, resting on her shoulders, making her look like a little gift box. He laughed at the thought of her as a gift box, "La wala shay." he said, smiling at her.


He held the elevator door open for her as she walked out, she stopped aside, giving Abdullah a chance to walk beside her to the exit of the hotel. "Wain tabeen takleen?" he asked her as he ushered for a taxi. She shook her shoulders, "Mo you3ana."


Here goes the awkwardness, he thought.


He ended up choosing the restaurant to have brunch in, as well as lunch and dinner. She was oddly quiet, uncomfortable. Her eyes wandered, but refused to meet his. She took a step away every time their arms brushed. And as much as he was unfamiliar with the heaviness in his heart, he acknowledged the hurt.


In the hotel, when they returned early because she claimed she was tired, he tried to talk to her. "Shfeech elyoum?"  he asked her once the door to their suite was shut. She just shook her shoulders, not bothering to meet his gaze. "Etha 3an ely 9ar ams, atmana enich tensain kel ely geltah." he said in a gentle tone she was not acquainted with. It set off a sense of regret, pain and... shame, maybe?


She was quiet, fiddling with her ring as he was facing her back. She turned around to look at him. He read all the emotions of damage and soreness all over her face and body language. "Laish ma geltley? Laish khalaitney arou7 7ag ghairek ou ma geltley ena kel shay abeeh ou me7tajetah kan mawjoud jedamey?" she said, the ache pouring along the words.


His hands dropped helplessly to his side. "Ma kent abey a7remech mn shay kan ywansech. Shay entay 7abaiteeh! Menu ana 3ashan a7remich men elnas ely entay tekhtarainha? Ma tadreen, yemkin allah kateb enich tkouneen mn na9eebah." he told her, looking convinced in what he was saying and very much sure of it.


She only shook her head, only now becoming aware of the situation she was in. Her heart was torn between a man she had grown to love and care for, to love more than life itself. And between a gentleman, bottling his feeling for her own sake.


Abdullah excused himself and left to his room, telling her that he did not want to deprive her from the person who was able to make her smile in her darkest of all days. Even though it killed him to admit it.


Rayan took advantage of the time she had alone to herself to answer Hamad, who had been calling and texting her all day but she refused to respond. She would have to deal with him later.


"Heyy." she said through the phone, in almost a whisper. "Entay wainech! Laish ma tredeen!" he almost yelled at her. "Walhanaa 3alaaaik." she said and it was enough to draw a smile on his face. He kept hold of that smile as he told her he had missed her too.


"Enzain goulay, shloun London?" he asked, with complete interest in knowing about her plans. Rayan sucked in a breath, "Zainaa. Abey enta shlounek? Walaht 3alaik wallah." she said, on the verge of a breakdown. She was beginning to dislike being very far away from Hamad. She hated the fact the because she was far, she was more closer to Abdullah. If that even made sense.


As the sun rose the next morning, and the night tailing it, it was time to go home. She was eager to throw herself in her bed, in her room, where she knew her thoughts would haunt and torture her.


"Yallah meshaina?" he asked her, standing besides the door as he waited for her to hand him her luggage. As she did, she kept her eyes on her white wedges as she led the way to the lobby.


With every day they spent together in London, she could feel the distance between them expand. Not that she liked, but she was confused and frustrated. And more than anything, she hated to see Abdullah in pain. She watched him finish the paper work for the hotel, he did not take the time in the morning. His hair had grown very longer than usual and it was messy, in a cute way. His beard was thicker than ever, and she thought she liked him better that way.


He turned to look at her and actually caught her staring, he grinned and she chuckled, making him realize how much he missed her laughs and giggles. She watched as he gathered his stuff, his two mobiles, wallet and passports and made his way to her with a smile on his face. "Yallah choud yamdeena, abey awareech mukan gbl ma nrou7 elma6ar."


The car ride was not probably as long as she felt it was, but the car soon came to a stop in front of a huge university campus. Rayan read the abbreviation UCL, and her eyes almost fell out of their sockets. It was a life long dream to study medicine in one of the best universities on the face of earth, and UCL was the one she chose. It was a dream she had shared with Jenan, and after all that had happened she was more determined that ever.


"7asafa mara7 yamdeena nanzel ou awareech eljam3a, bas gelt 3ashan ashaj3ech." he told her and they both had huge smiles on their faces. She moved a little closer to him and gave a quick hug, "Thank youuuuu." she said in the happiest tone ever.


He told the taxi driver to continue making his way to the airport. Rayan was excited to go back home. Even though she was not on good terms with her father, she missed him terribly.


The plane ride was long. Boring. But Rayan spent almost half of the flight asleep on Abdullah's shoulder, and he did not seem to mind.


Landing was smooth, the plane was crowded, but Rayan was thankful Abdullah had chosen the first class seats. Being the gentleman he was, he carried her luggage and Prada purse and walked beside her to the luggage claim area. Of course, he collected all their luggage and pushed the trolley to the exit area.


It was the worst part of it all, to walk and have all those people staring at you while you search for a face in the crowd. But this time, she spotted him quickly. There he was, standing alone with his hands in his pocket, right were he promised he would be waiting for her. "Menu byakhthech? Wla tabeeney aredich?" he asked her as they continued walking. Rayan spilled the first answer that occurred to her, "Rfeejatey hney, barou7 ag3ad 3ahum ou ohma yredouney."


"Okay 3ayal akheth jna6ech awadeehum elbait?" he offered kindly and she said yes except for her Prada purse. Abdullah departured in front of her, and she waited to make sure he left before heading over to where Hamad was waiting. She hated lying to him but she hated how much she missed Hamad more.


Once he was out of sight, she made her way over to Hamad, who had a smile on his face as he anticipated her being in his arms. She was wearing a pair of beige chinos and a white tucked in cotton top, with a military jacket on top of it. She had her hair up in a sock bun and her lips painted crimson red. The pair of white wedges on her feet complimented her figure and the movement of her hips as she walked towards him.


He instantly reached for a hug, and she did not hesitate to pull him closer. "You're beautiful." he whispered into her ears with an English accent that was appealing to her. She pulled away, gazing into his eyes and then bursting into laughter, "Kalb walaht 3alaik." she said as she playfully smacked him. He noticed she was still wearing the charm bracelet he gifted to her. He held her hand in his, pulling it closer to his lips and planting a kiss on it. And Rayan blushed like never before.


He got them a table at Pinkberry and they spent 2 hours just catching up. When it started to get a bit late, around 9 pm, Hamad offered to give her a ride home. She told him that her driver could pick her up, but he insisted.


They both climbed into his G-class, Rayan admiring the interior of the car and the red leathers. "Shrayech?" he asked, noticing her expressions. "3ajeebaaaa!" she exclaimed with a giggle. "3alaik b'alf 3afya." she said and Hamad dove in and planted another kiss on her cheek. She chuckled as the heat rose to her cheeks. "Ma mesakt nafsey." he said and put the key into the ignition, and they both laughed all along the way.


As the car came to a stop, Hamad embraced her for one last time, to save her scent until next time. "I love you." she said, with pure honesty as she looked straight into his eyes. "I love you too." he said, and hugged her once again, this time intentionally rubbing his beard hair against her cheek, cause her to laugh and giggle.


She got out of the car and unwillingly walked towards the front door of the house with a smile plastered on her face. She stood in front of the door with her hand on the doorknob, and took one last glance at Hamad, who was still in his car, wanting to make sure she was home safely.


After the ringing of the bell, the house worker opened the door for her and kindly welcomed her. But as Rayan took further more steps inside, she could hear her father having a conversation with someone. Its weird because ever since the divorce, her father had never had any friends or guests over.


Curiosity took over and she got closer, making sense of the voices. It was a women.

Confessions.52

To everyone who has done nothing but support and wait, give me the time I need to write and post. 
Words can't describe how thankful I am for the nice words you've said to me. 

Blessed. 

-

Previously. 

At 3 am sharp, the door was pushed open, and Abdullah walked in, causing Rayan to jump in fear. "Tawek rad?" she asked, but Abdullah was unable to answer...


She quickly sat up, even with her eyes half open, she could still feel the rush of fear run through her veins. Abdullah only looked at her for a brief moment then looked away. "Rou7ay namay." he said, as cold as ever. 


Rayan got up to her feet, crossing her arms over her torso. "3baid wain kent? Khara3tney wallah kent a7ateek." she said, her voice full of worry. She slowly approached Abdullah as he was pulling out his pajama clothes from the closet. Slowly touching his bicep, Abdullah did not even flinch. "3baaid..." she said in a whisper, tears clouding her vision. 


He moved away, "Geltlich rou7ay namay.". But even though he asked her to leave, he did not leave himself. He stood there quietly, looking into her eyes with his folded pajamas in his hand. Deep into the ocean forming in her eyes, he sighed, putting down his pajamas and pulling her closer to his chest. It was an unconscious move for both of them. 


Her face sunk into his shirt, inhaling his perfume and the smell of cigarettes. She cried uncontrollably, her sobs loud enough to rip his heart apart. His chin was rested on the top of her head as his hand ran down her hair. Her arms were tight around his waist, but she pulled her face away because the smell of cigarettes suffocated her. He held her from the shoulders, and then slowly raised his hand to wipe her tears with his thumb. 


His fingers cold, his touch electric. But she still pulled away, wiping her tears with her own hands. She stubbornly took a step back, "Mara7 tgouley wain kent?" she said, still struggling to catch a proper breath. His expressions changed, "Rayan khala9 rou7ay namay." he said firmly, triggering Rayan's rage and anger. 


"Betgoul wain kent wela shloun?" she almost yelled. Abdullah looked at her with his eyes wide open in shock, "La t9arkheen, asghar 3yalech ana?" he said even louder. She shook her head, "Shouf enta shkhaash 3aney." she said in a disappointed tone, "Ga9at 3alaik Wedad?" 


He laughed ironically, "3abalech nafsech ana 3ashan yenga9 3alay? Entay ely yach lzbala hathak ou la3ab b7esbitech.". Leaving Rayan in shock, he picked up his pajamas and pushed past her, sitting on the bed and taking off his shoes.


She rubbed her eyebrows, willing the tears to stop streaming. "Rou7ay ebchay bmukan thaney." he said coldly, tossing his socks onto the floor. "Aham shay 9a7..." she said, feeling weak and fragile. "Mushkeltech, entay yayba el7achey 7ag rou7ech." he stated. 


She couldn't figure out what drove him to act that way, confused and ashamed, she grabbed his box of cigarettes and lighter and smashed them into the wall. Luckily, the lighter did not break, but it was good enough to get his attention. "Al7een laish tabcheen! Shenu ybachey?" he yelled as he bolted towards her. 


"Ma tgouley wain kent ma3a Wedad? Abdullah kent ga3da a7ateek. Kent khayfa 3alaik, ou chthey tkalemney?" she said, all with a breath in her lungs. Letting it out, Abdullah dropped his hands helplessly to his sides. No matter how mad, upset, or pissed he was at her, the compassion and love she projected towards him was his weakness. 


He held both her hands in his, "Wa9alt Wedad sheqat'ha ou 6la3at rfeejat'ha nayma ou Wedad ma ma3aha mefta7. Ma gedart amshey ou akhaleeha 3end elbab fa thaba6tl'ha ghurfa bfendeq ou radait." he told her, as he held her hands tighter. 


She sobbed a little more, "Laish ma geltley? Laish ma 6amantney?" she told him with tears staining her face. "Ma hagaitech bet7ateen." he said with a sad expression on his face. 


"Ou laish ma a7atey?" she asked, very much confused. Abdullah let out a breath he had been holding in for a few moments. Hesitated to speak, he finally gathered the strength to say it, "Le2ana 3endich ghairey."


His words were like daggers pointed straight at her heart. She opened her mouth to talk but then quickly shut it. "9a3eb 7ail eney aghar 3alaich ou ana adrey ena ma y7egley. 9a3eb eney akhaf 3alaich ou a7ateech ou ana adrey enich bet6amneen ghairey gabl ma t6amneeney. ou a93ab ba3ad enich tadreeen ana shkther a7ebich ou a3ezich bas ham ekhtartay ghairey." he said, making this confessions unconsciously.


Rayan took a step back, pulling her hands from his. She suddenly felt like she was betraying Hamad as a feeling of guilt suffocated her every breath. "Rayan tekfain." he said, wiping his brow. She took another step back, her expression blank. 


"Mo chthey qasdey..." he started saying but she cut him off. "Laish ma geltley?"  she said, her hands covering her lips. He sighed once again, shame washing over his face. He always knew he was strong enough to hold it in, to wait until she graduated so he van give her the choice to be his, for eternity. And to make their love immortal. 


"Obouch kan watheq feeney. Ma kent abey akhoun haltheqa. Kent nawey agoulech 3gb ma tetkharejain." he said, ending it with a deep sigh. Rayan cried silently as she swam deep in her thoughts. Everything suddenly made sense to her.


"7ata Jenan kanat tadrey." he suddenly said, smiling.  "Omey ou obouy daraw. Kanaw ygoulon ena ybayen b3youney." he said, chuckling. "Kel elnas la7ethat ela entay." and suddenly frowning again. 


Rayan sat down on the floor, feeling like the world was spinning too fast and her knees were weak. With her back to the bed, she hugged her knees tight, sobbing silently. How she not have noticed? She had never meant for any of this to happen. Love towards Abdullah flooded inside of her, but she was still strongly in love with Hamad. 


"Rayan mabey akhserich. Sem3eeney 3adel." he said, crouching down next to her, forcing her to look into his eyes. "Etha merta7a m3ah ou t7beenah, ou etha ohwa m3awthech 3an elnas kelha, allaah ywafegkum ou yakteblkum ely feh kel khair. Mabey ashoufech met'thaygaa." he said helplessly. 


"Etha allah kateb ena ana akoun lech kel ely tabeenah ou te7tajainah, 3ayal hatha ely be9eer. Bas etha allah kateb enich tkouneen 7ag ghairey, hathey qesma ou na9eeb." But even a fake smile could not convince Rayan. 


In her eyes, he read an emotion he had never seen before. He can tell that her heart was torn into two. He sat next to her, raising an arm and placing it on her shoulder, pulling her closer and resting her head on his chest. She could make out the rythmetic pulse of his heart. 


His finger traced her jaw line, they have never been that close, but Abdullah could not help but overwhelm himself with love and passion. 


They breathed together, she inhaled while her exhaled, and so on. Neither of them made a move, they just sat there silently. Wide awake until the sun said its Hello.


- 
Please comment or tell me what you think on www.ask.fm/confessiveblog


Feedback is appreciated!:D

Confessions.51

I know I haven't been posting, but bear with me please!

Enjoy and comment!

www.ask.fm/confessiveblog


-

Sunny yet cold mornings in London, the weather Abdullah disliked. But he forced himself through the cold, because the smile that will soon be drawn on Rayan's face would be worth it.

He stretched his arms and pushed himself out of bed, he picked up the black T-shirt that was lying just under the bed and put it on. As he walked to the bathroom, a knock on the door knotted his eyebrows. Peeking through the whole, Rayan was wearing a peplum white dress that reached just above the knee, and a thin red belt brought out her perfect curves. She smiled, knowing Abdullah was peeking through the whole. He unlocked the door and let her in, unable to tear his gaze from her.

Her hair was curled into big bouncy curls, with a perfect side part and her hair was gathered neatly altogether and sat perfectly on her right shoulder. "Ne6reeney shower ou a6la3lech." he said as he gestured toward the bed for her to take a seat. Rayan just smiled as she placed her red Prada clutch on the bed and took out her phone, letting Abdullah do his magic.

She went straight to whatsapp, with the intention of greeting Hamad. That is the thing with Rayan, she forgets she was upset as soon as she realizes she does not want to loose the person she was upset with. "Good morning babe:*" she sent, as her fingers danced on the touch screen of her iphone 5. His last seen was minutes ago, so she expected a reply pretty soon.

Ahlan, 9aba7 elkhair, he replied, and Rayan thought it was pretty cold, suspecting he was still mad.

9aba7 elnour. 7amoud fek shay?

La. 

Babyy:(, and then she snapped a picture of her reflection in the mirror, the picture showed her pretty dress and perfect hair, and sent it.

She was smiling at the camera, and as soon as Hamad saw it, he smiled back.

Beautiful mashallah.

At that very moment, just as Rayan was feeling lucky and blessed, Abdullah unlocked the door and took a step out. Rayan was too engrossed in the conversation with Hamad, she barely heard Abdullah clear his throat. "Rayoun khala9t. Yallah." he said because he was tired of waiting. Rayan chuckled as placed the Prada clutch under her arm and walked in front of Abdullah, making their way downstairs for breakfast.


She drank her latte quietly as Abdullah had his mouth full of waffles. She smiled and he chocked, which caused her to chuckle a little too loud. He laughed back and she covered her mouth, trying to hold in the laughter. "Shda3wa chenik awal marra tshouf waffles?" she said and laughed again, tears of laughter in her eye.

He lifted his hand, explaining, "Law sama7tay, ana waray jehad b3ad shway." he said and stuffed a waffle into his mouth again. "Kelha soug yal3ayar." and she crossed her arms over her chest. Abdullah laughed sarcastically, which resulted in her losing control and surrendering to the laughter.


People seated in nearby tables smiled and stared, assuming they were a cute young couple. Everytime Rayan stared into Abdullah's eyes, a new kind of emotion would surfaced, obvious enough for Rayan to notice.

 Abdullah tagged along as Rayan went shopping, carrying her bags and telling her how everything looked good on her. He meant it, but Rayan took it as a funny remark.

He was standing outside a designer boutique, refreshing his timeline with the intentions of wasting time till Rayan finished her shopping. His head shot up at the calling of his name, "Hi, remember me?" she asked with a shy smile on her face, hoping he would recognize her.

Abdullah was confused at first, but the his smile grew wider. "Wedad! Ahlaain! Asef wallah ma 3araftech, metghayra mashallah." he said as his hand fell to his side, he was shy around any woman other than Rayan. But Wedad made him feel comfortable.

"Shyaybek London?" she asked after the regular greeting of How Are You's. "Yay ma3a elahal." he said just as Rayan left the boutique to find them standing together. She stood a few steps away, eyeing everything before interrupting.

Wedad's eyes fell on Rayan, and she figured she was waiting for Abdullah.He turned his head around to find Rayan standing behhind him, with new bags in her hand. "Oh sorry ma sheftich." he said, but did not bother offering to carry her bags. "La 3adey." Rayan said as she forced a smile on her face.


They stood there awkwardly, and Abdullah decided to introduce them. "Rayan hathey Wedad, kanat m3ay lma yeet darast hney course, tathkreen?" he told her, and Rayan nicely greeted her. "Hathey Rayan." he simply told Wedad.


Another moment of silence took over, and Abdullah was rocking on his heels. "Tadroun shloun? Rayan shrayech tkamleen teseweg 3ala ma ana arou7 akhethly gahwa ma3a  Wedad..." he said, then turned to Wedad, "Shrayech?" he asked her, and she happily nodded in agreement. They turned around and started walking, keeping a reasonable amount of distance between them, but Abdullah didn't even stop to hear Rayan's opinion.


She stood there, processing what just happened. And she realized Abdullah had even left the old bags right where they were. Annoyed, she picked up the bags grumpily and walked all the way back to her hotel.

Without calling for a cab, she was tired halfway through. The hotel was 20 more minutes away and the bags were too heavy for her to carry, considering she was wearing heels. She halfheartedly pulled out her phone and called Hamad, after the third ring, she heard his voice.

"Haaa baby." he said, his reply a bit late because of the distance.

She did not greet him back, but only sobbed.

"Shfeech! Laish tabcheen! Rayouna 7abeebtey la tkhar3eeney gouleeley shfeech!" he begged through the phone, his stomach knotting as he thought of the worst that can happen while she was thousands of miles away.


"Ta3aabt 7amoud. Elfendeq b3eed ou eedey 6a7at ou ana shayla halchyas ou 3baid madrey wainah." she cried, Hamad sighed, obviously annoyed.

"Shfeeeh hatha! Enshallah ma ykhaleech brou7ech! Ya3ney ma ykhaf 3alaich! Wallah law agdar chan ana yayech al7een!" he yelled, resulting in Rayan to cry a little harder.


He calmed himself down in order for him to e able to calm her down. "Khala9 7ayatey te3awethay mn blees ou goumayy reday elfendeq ou khaleeeney 3al kha6..." he said, then changed his mind, "Wla khala9 sedeeh ou ana al7een adeg 3alaich, khalay ra9eedech 7ag b3dain la baghaitay shay." 

She agreed and so he did, he called her back and waited on the other end of the phone until he made sure she was safe inside her suite. "Yallah 7abeebtey erta7ay, adrey fech ta3bana." he whispered, and Rayan finally stopped sobbing. "I love you." she whispered back.


A smile was drawn on Hamad's face, he wished to see the smile on hers as well. "I love you too." he said and they both hung up.


Rayan changed into comfy PJ's and decided to wait until Abdullah came back, she needed to talk to him. Hours passed by until she eventually fell asleep on his bed, where she was waiting for him.


At 3 am sharp, the door was pushed open, and Abdullah walked in, causing Rayan to jump in fear. "Tawek rad?" she asked, but Abdullah was unable to answer....

Confessions.50

A huge thank you to everyone who stuck by me!
Enjoy this for now!:*

-

"Rayaaan! Yallah we're gonna be late!" Abdullah yelled from the room as Rayan stood in the bathroom, perfecting her makeup. "Okay I'll be out in a minute, la t7en" she yelled back, beginning to stress out as her eyeliner kepts smudging. Her hands were shaking out of excitement and both eyeliner wings looked completely different.


Abdullah stood by the door, unable to tear his gaze of Rayan's reflection in the mirror. "Shfeech? Ma khala9tay?" he asked in a soft tone, careful not to rush her. "Laa 3baid mo rathey yathbe6!" she whined, as she closed her liquid eyeliner and pulled out a cotton pad to clean out the smudges. "Enzain ne6ray la tems7eenah, wait khl ashouf." he said as he rushed and grabbed her hands from the wrist before she could clean out the eyeliner.


"Bel3aks shaklah zain, bas mes7ay hatha ely barrah ou saway nafs makeup nafs." he said, pointing at the wing. Rayan smiled, "Okay khala9, ely tgoulah." she said as her cheeks flushed, which she thought was weird because Abdullah''s compliments never made her blush. She just laughed as she playfully pushed Abdullah out of the bathroom and closed the door, "Shda3wa let me witness the magic." he yelled from behind the door and he heard Rayan's chuckle in return.


It took her exactly 15 minutes to take off all her makeup and reapply it, but it only took Abdullah 10 seconds to realize how she makes the makeup look good, not the other way around. "Meshaina?" she asked with a smile plastered on her face, and Abdullah nodded in reply. 


They took a cab to the concert, and Rayan kept chuckling randomly in excitement. "Shfeech? Lawa3tay chabdey tara." Abdullah said in a teasing tone and Rayan burst into laughter. "Bashouf 7abayeb galbeyyyy!" she said, meaning The Script. The cab driver named Robert turned on the radio, and as if it was meant to be, No words by the Script started blasting through the speakers. Rayan laughed so hard, it almost scared Abdullah. She quickly unlocked her phone and started recording the songs, in intentions of sending it to Hamad just to let him know she was thinking about him. Abdullah smiled genuinely at her as he started singing along. Rayan laughed, hoping the music was louder than Abdullah's voice, but little did she know that Hamad could hear Abdullah's voice louder than anything else.


The voice note was sent to Hamad via whatsapp, but his last seen was almost 2 hours ago. Locking her phone, she turned to look at Abdullah, who's voice suddenly faded away and was staring out the window, engaged in something very deeply. "Shfeek tana7t?" she asked, as her fingers touched his arms. "You3aaan." he cried out and they both burst into laughter. "Yalb6aaineyy tawek makel!" she exclaimed and Abdullah just laughed as he rested his hand on his growling stomach.


"Stop here." Rayan asked the cab driver as she extended an arm with the amount of cash and handed it to the smiling man. He thanked her, "You're a cute couple." he said right after Abdullah left and Rayan was the only one who heard. She smiled as her eyes glared at Abdullah who was stretching like a child. She chuckled and stepped out, closing the door behind her.


They walked into the nearest restaurant, ordered something to go and took a seat while waiting. "Ohh hatha swar ydeed?" Abdullah asked as he stared at Rayan, who was fiddling with the charm bracelet Hamad had given her. She nodded as she extended an arm, the two bracelets, the charm bracelet and the love bracelet from cartier, reflecting the light and complimenting her perfectly tanned arms.


A waiter arrived with their food in hand, they thanked him as they took off on their feet, heading to the arena where the concert was held. Abdullah was eating as he walked, "Ma tabeen?" he asked as he offered some fries, "No thank you. Shab3ana wallah." she said as she almost skipped her way to the concert. "A7san." he said as he stuffed his mouth with more fries. She playfully smacked his arm, and he elbowed her in return.


Reaching the arena, it was crowded, fans everywhere. Rayan thanked god in a silent prayer that her tickets were Fan pit and VIP, which meant they were able to enter the arena without waiting in line. "Emshay." he said, and Rayan unconsciously grabbed his arm, wrapping her fingers around his bicep as they struggled their way through the crowd.


People were staring, some commented on how cute they looked, due to the fact that they were wearing matching "I love The Script" shirts. Abdullah wore his very casually, as it perfectly hung over his body. While Rayan knotted her exactly above the waist,  and wore a black cotton maxi dress underneath. She didn't look like the obsessed Script fans, but was looking rather classy and casual. Her hair was in a ponytail and soft waves complemented the length of it. Colors blended into her cheeks like blush and perfect contour lines. Thick eyeliner framing her eyes, and perfect red lipstick made her look utterly stunning. She wanted to look good for pictures, if she ever had the time to take any.


They were stopped by the security, who asked to see their tickets very politely. Abdullah slid his backpack, which contained everything they might need, and pulled them out. Without examining them, the security smiled as he ushered them to go inside. "You're a nice couple by the way." he said as he winked at Rayan, who just smiled in return.


"Sema3tah?" she asked Abdullah, who was leading the way through crazy fans. "Shgaal?" he asked as he sneaked a glance at Rayan. "He said we're a cute couple." she said and then let out a chuckle. Heat rose all the way up to Abdullah's cheeks, but he was thankful Rayan couldn't notice. "Maybe we actually are." he said as he looked back at Rayan with half a smile. "Maybe." she said and  they both laughed.


The jokes always got the best of Abdullah, drawing images of them together, holding hands, in his head.


A tremendous concert, time well spent. Rayan expressed her appreciation to Abdullah, telling him she had the time of her life. To Abdullah, the smile on her face was more than worth the ache in his legs and the headache due to loud music.


They headed to Piccadilly for dinner, and as waiting for their food, Rayan realized she had forgotten about Hamad. She was blown away by the show The Script gave, and her breath was stolen right from her lungs. Checking her whatsapp, she found several messages from Hamad, each separated by at least an hour.

"Babyy! I miss you."

"Wainech? Ga3ed a7atey."

"6amneeney 7ayatey."

"Mmm. akeed lahya ma3a hathak. Have fun :)"

She sighed as she wrote a reply, "Heyy babe! Sorry I was at the concert and I didn't have any signal. Ou "hathak" esmah Abdullah. Malah da3ey elghala6." she sent that, getting very defensive and protective of Abdullah. Her phone vibrated with a reply within 3 minutes.

"Tdaf3een 3anah b3ad?"


"Hamad shfeek!! Faj2aa 3a9abt?"


"Eee eeh faj2a! Akeed ba3a9eb lma a7es ena 7abeebtey lahya ma3a wa7ed ghairey ou ana meshtaglaha!"

"Awe 7abeebey:(."

But even though she tried to reassure him that she only had eyes for him, Hamad sticked with reading and not replying. Which was such a terrible way to end her day, party pooper as she always called him.


But she was very thankful to have Abdullah sitting opposite of her. He made her laugh without even trying.


"Bacher wain tabeen tetsawegain?" he asked as he crossed his arms over his chest and leaned backwards. "Kel mukaan." she said along with a sigh. Abdullah chuckled as he ran a hand over his buzzcut hair. "Ma agoul ela allaah y3eeney." he said and Rayan gave him a puppy dog face. "Tadreen shloun? Ou e7na netsawag ekhtheeley ely tshoufeenah 7elu." he said and Rayan rose in excitement. "Akhethlik 3ala thouqey?" she asked, batting her eyes at him in a very funny way. "Eeeh ya3ney dam enich rathya feeney as a friend akeed thouqech 7elu." he said, ending it with a wink.


Rayan did not laugh, but pretended to gather her things and get ready to leave. Abdullah roared with laughter, "Laa wallah atghashmar bas ge3day." he said and they both laughed.


Abdullah pulled Rayan out of the misery she lived in. He colored her sky with such bright colorful colors. But her heart longed for Hamad, his voice and the gentleness of his touch.

My public personal life.

How would you feel if the most personal thing about you is the only thing people know about you?


Are you imagining? Are you even capable of imagining? Because that is the reality I live in every passing day.


I see everything surrounding me, but I wish I was blind, so I wouldn't be able to notice the stares.


I listen to my music a little too loudly, but I wish I was deaf, so I wouldn't be able to hear the loud whispers.


My lungs welcome the fresh air, but I desperately wish it would stop functioning. Why? Funny you ask.


Question marks roam my head, making me unable to answer your question.


Its never easy when all that people see when looking at you are those scars that stretch all the way on your arm. Society doesn't care enough to look at the reasons forcing you to pick up a razor blade. They don't listen to your deafening screams for help. They don't become aware of your battles and combats against yourself. No.


They encounter my life, not wanting to know, but only to scandalize what they want.


And I've reached a point, where silence seems to be the loudest noise I've ever heard. Smiles seem to hurt more than words, and the pain is equal to the feeling of numbness.


And the darkness makes me feel like glow.


A twisted story, a distorted encounter, an abnormal citizen.


Soon enough, the light appears.


But I question my reality.


Am I chasing a ray of hope? Or my own illusion?


They tell me I'm desperate for attention, that's why I'm too skinny.


They tell me I crave sympathy, that's why I bleed publicly.


They tell me I try too hard, that's why I chase their endorsement.

But that's not the story, it was never the story.


What happens when the face you see in the mirror is your worst enemy, and the voice of your own conscience happens to be the monster that lives inside you?


What happens when you're stabbed in the back, and you surrender to the open scars?


What happens when promises are empty words, and the only thing you can rely on is your dark corner in your head?


What happens when the dark is not as scary anymore? But is more like a safe place, keeping you away from yourself, where not even you can judge yourself.


What happens when company loves misery, not the other way around?



"Happiness will find you."


"Love can mend all."


"Time heals."


But I have come to find that we tell ourselves what we desperately want to believe.


Because neither time nor an emotion can fix personal destruction.


Can it?


Leaving those questions unanswered, until you step into my shoes.

Confessions.49

Sorry for being inactive, I understand it has been way too long. A crisis came up, and it was very hard to deal with it. And the nagging from some of you guys only made it worse. I am not the kind of blogger who would stop posting for no reason.
Please keep that in mind.
Other than that, enjoy!


-

The clock was ticking, her foot was tapping against the ground, and her mind was in a million places at once. Her arms were folded against her chest and her newly cut bangs were falling amongst her face. Her nails were painted last night, because she was too excited and she knew she wouldn't have enough time. Her body shivered every time she remembered the dream she had last night. Wondering if it was only perception, or a real vision.


The bell rang and in mere seconds, all the girls were outside, screaming and taking pictures. But Rayan was still in place. Zaina hissed at her, "Yallah!" she whispered and Rayan realized she was the last person in the room. She picked up her pen and exam papers as she walked to her teacher with a smile. "Enjoy your vacation." Said Miss.Amnaa, who was also Rayan's English teacher. Rayan nodded with a smile and walked out of the exam room.


Rayan was walking with Zaina along her side to the gates of the school, she couldn't wait to get out. She heard the faint sounds of someone calling her name, she turned around to see a couple of her classmates lining up for a group picture and they wanted her in it. She smiled as she agreed and stood in the middle. "Ambeh kalba 9ayra zouqa!" said one of the girls and Rayan genuinely thanked her. "Way chenich Jenan wallah." said another girl, and Rayan shivered.


Zaina noticed the change in Rayan's posture and expression when one of the girls brought up Jenan, she pulled her to the side and asked what was wrong. Rayan faked a smile, "Haw mafeeney shay bas 7adey mestansa." she said and a smile crept into Zaina's face. "Let's get out of here." said Rayan as she pulled Zaina to the gate.


"Menu byakhthech?" Rayan asked Zaina, whose eyes were scanning the place. "Obouy. Entay?" replied Zaina and Rayan just shook her shoulders, indicating that she didn't know. They stood quietly for a few minutes, until Rayan noticed a man step out of his car and the girls started to stare. She looked at him with a crooked smile on her face, as a rush of excitement and happiness ran all through her system.


He was wearing a black polo shirt and beige shorts, but god knows how appealing he looked in them. His buzz cut hair was back and his beard was perfectly groomed, just the way Rayan liked it. She walked over to him with a smile, as he rocked backwards on the heel of his Puma shoes, with his hands in his pockets and his grin wider than ever.


They haven't seen each other for the past two days, but Abdullah called her every hour or so to check up on her, and make sure she was not over thinking and focusing only on her studies. Abdullah missed Rayan insanely, but knowing that they had 2 weeks to spend together made it a lot easier.


Once Rayan was getting closer, Abdullah turned around just in time for them to walk side by side. She kept staring at the ground with a huge smile plastered on her face. She knew some girls were staring, and making theories of this cutie, but she did not seem to care.


She got into the car and let out a chuckle. "Khebla?" Abdullah asked and they both chuckled again. "7adeyy meshta6aaa la7ad ykalemneyy barou7 ashouf The Script!" she exclaimed and Abdullah laughed as he ignited the engine. Rayan grabbed the AUX wire and plugged it into her iphone. "Ayabaaaaaa" she said as Glowing by The Script started playing. "3ad ams ga3ed ou a7feth aghaneehum 3ashan andemij m3ach." said Abdullah as he let out one of his stupid giggles.


"Take the lead." Rayan said as she looked at Abdullah with impatient eyes. He kept on chuckling and couldn't stop himself. Rayan rolled her eyes as she began to sing, "And you're trying to save me from your past of bad decisions, but my decision is always gonna be to follow youuu." she sang then stopped and looked at Abdullah, indicating this is the part he starts singing. And he happily did, "Never gonna stop til the clock stops ticking. Never gonna quit til my legs stop kicking." he sang. And Rayan's favorite part came up, "I will follow you and we'll both go missing." they sang together and then broke down with laughter.


It was a few minutes before they were quite again. Rayan sighed, "yallah douus" she said with a funny little snicker, unable to contain her excitement. Abdullah smiled at her, "3ad al7een la tezr3eena." he said and Rayan smacked his arm. "Eeh 3adey 3ashan t9eer shajara." she said and then quickly ducked, knowing Abdullah would probably slap her head or mess her ponytail. Abdullah burst into laughter, "laaa laaa 7elwaa." he said. Rayan lifted her head and looked at him, but it was a few seconds before Abdullah actually smacked her head. They both chuckled.



As soon as the car stopped moving, Rayan jumped out and jogged her way to the door. "Enzain la t9ekeen elbab ou tensainey!" Abdullah exclaimed out loudly with a funny remark. Rayan laughed as she waved her hand and left the door open for him. Abdullah stood there, his back to the car with his arms crossed over his chest. He inhaled, her perfume still lingered, and he could still hear her soft chuckle in his mind. He smiled, deep in his own thought, drowning in his own world, losing reality.



Rayan ran up the stairs and into her room, she didn't bother checking her father's room. She was still mad, furious, at the secrets he hid from her her and her sisters. She stepped out of her uniform while doing a little dance and smiled at the clothes on her bed, ready to be worn. She put on the same outfit she said she was going to wear, the sky blue maxi dress and double wrap brown belt. She let down her hair as she curled it in a matter of 10 minutes. She applied her daily makeup, consisted of bronzer, winged eyeliner, 2 coats of mascara and lipstick and she was ready to go. She grabbed her wedges, quickly putting them on.


She opened the door and pulled her violet suitcase, with her LV over sized bag in her hand, filled with books to read on the flight. She slowly walked down the stairs, trying to maintain her balance while carrying her bag. Abdullah chuckled at the sight of her, "3a6eeney awadeehum elsayara." he said as he reached out his arm and grabbed her suitcase.


Rayan subconsciously slapped her forehead as she remembered what she forgot. She ran up the stairs quickly and barged into her own room. She fiddled with her drawers until she found her personal notebook, where she wrote down anything and everything. She held it tightly in her arm and then skipped out of her room, switching off the lights and closing the door behind her.


"Rayan?" her father called out as she reached the last step of the staircase. She sighed, "hala?" she said, her voice suddenly cold and deprived of any emotion. "T3alay shway." he said, as sadness filled his voice and he couldn't hide it any longer. Rayan's feet carried up the stairs again and she stood by her fathers door. "Yuba magdar a6awel, 3baid yan6erney belsayara." she said, she didn't feel as comfortable as she used to around him.


Her father breathed out, "Bas kent bagoulech ena ana 7awaltlech flous, atwaqa3 akthar mn ma te7tajain bas gelt 3ashan twanseen nafsech ou tghayreen jaw. Ou bas, trou7on ou tredoun belsalama." he said, his eyes staring at the corner of the room and not at Rayan. "Okay mashkour." she said, turning her back and walking away.


She walked down the stairs with tears filling  her eyes. She didn't like the formality that now invaded her relationship with her father. She missed him terribly. But every time she looked at him, she couldn't help but imagine a daughter, a sister, she never met.


She got in the car quietly, which made Abdullah put on his questioning, suspicious behaviour. "Shfeech?" he asked as he smoothly pulled the car out of the parking space.  "Abdullah 3adey ma t7en? Ma feeney shay." she said harshly. And Abdullah just stopped questioning her any further.


If there's one thing Abdullah knew about Rayan, it was that she was going to talk when she became ready. She didn't like to be pushed or pressured to talk.


As Rayan stared out the window, her thoughts took her to the darkest of all places. She placed a hand on her mouth, trying to stop herself from bursting into tears. But one tear was all it took. One tear, betrayed her will and slid down her cheek. She quickly wiped it away, she knew she was getting closer to her destination, and thought she might need the tears later on.


"3ad omey mzahbatlech list aghrath tabeehum mn hnak." Abdullah said once he cut off the engine of the car and they both stepped out. Rayan just smiled, she didn't feel like the bright, bubbly her. She was struggling with what she was about to say, very much afraid of how to say it.


"Halaaa bel7elwaa halaaa." sang Hessa while standing up on her feet and opening her arms wide for Rayan. Rayan didn't hesitate, but threw herself into the arms of Hessa. She stood there, with her head on Hessa's shoulder as she cried silently. "Rayan shfeech?" Abdullah asked once he noticed her tears. Once Rayan felt Hessa start to loosen her grip, she cried harder.


"7abeebtey shfeeech? Khara3teeney wallah!" Hessa said once she sat Rayan down and Abdullah brought her a bottle of water. "Khaltey bagoulech shay ana ma geltah 7ag a7ad." Rayan started saying as her eyes stared at Abdullah, pleading for his compassion because she needed him more than ever.


Abdullah walked closer to where Rayan was sitting and crouched down on both knees. "Rayoun ana yamech. Goulay shfeech, wagaftay galbey wallah." he said and his eyes fell on her hands. He desperately wanted to hold them, to stop them from shaking. But he knew is boundaries.


"Ams 7almana bJenan..." she said, then stopped for a deep breath. Abdullah looked down at the ground. "Kanat msawya 3azeema, 3asha kbeeerr 7aaail." Rayan said and then let out one of her soft chuckles. A smile drew on Hessa's lips as she listened closely. "Kan kelah 7areem ma3arefhum. Bas sheft Jenan ou lamatneyy 7aaail ou galatley hatha ne9 el6ereej ou ge6a3teeh, elfal eltakharuj." continued Rayan, and a smile still stood strong on her face, even though her cheeks were flooded with tears. "Madrey shenu ya3ney, bas wayed estanast, chena ehia 7asa feeney." said Rayan before Hessa took her into her arms.


"Sheftay shloun, ya3ney ma khaletich. 7ata law e7na ma nshoufha, kafey ena ehia tshoufna ou t7es feena ou testanes la estanasna." said Abdullah as he held Rayan's hands and squeezed it for a couple of seconds before he let go and got up. "Yallah 3ahsan la net2akhar 3al6ayara." said Abdullah as he pulled his suitcase and headed for the door.


"Yallah 3ayal 7abeebtey, trou7on ou tredoun belsalama." said Hessa as she kissed Rayan's cheeks and gave her one last hug. Rayan just smiled and nodded and then reached for the door.



Rayan didn't stop by her mother's house because she already said goodbye the day earlier. The car ride to the airport was very quiet, she noticed how Abdullah was lost in deep thought, and she didn't bother to interrupt. She checked her phone for any messages from her dad, instead she found one from Hamad.


Hamad:
Naa6rechh<3

Rayan:
Omw:p.

Hamad:
I have something for you..

Rayan:
Shenuuuu?

Hamad:
Lma tyeen t3arfeen:p

Rayan:
Fine. Mara7 a7en because adrey law shenu ma tgouley, kalb:p

Hamad:
Ra7 ashtaglech wallah..

Rayan:
Me too:(


Soon enough, the car stopped moving and they were at the airport. Abdullah was walking beside her, pulling both suitcases and his backpack on his shoulder. "Tabeen nakel shay?" he asked Rayan with a smile on his face. Rayan shook her head,"Nakel dakhel a7san." she said and Abdullah remained quiet.


Throughout it all, Abdullah did everything and Rayan just followed him with her eyes glued to the screen of her phone. "Tabeen ndesh al7een? Ana you3an abey aakel." he said and they both chuckled. "Tadrey shloun, enta desh. Ana ban6er my friend ou adesh m3aha." she said and Abdullah just nodded as he handed her her passport and ticket. "An6erich 3end Starbucks." he said with a half smile then walked away.


For some reason, deep down in the bottom of his soul, he knew who Rayan was going to meet. But he had no right to stop her. Even though it shattered him to pieces, and his jealousy told him he was never going to have her.


Rayan dialed his number and pressed the phone to her ear. "Wainech?" he asked once he picked up, and they both felt each other's smile. "Ga3da amshey." she whispered, and Hamad chuckled once he noticed how shy she got. "Wainech ay 9oub?" he asked again. "Shda3wa kaney yaya, enta ga3ed foug?" she asked him and her stomach did a little dance. "Eeh." he said with a wide grin. "Okay 3ayal kaney 9a3da." she said then they both hung up.


Hamad kept his eyes on the staircase, his eyes dying to meet hers. And once he saw her walk over to him, he couldn't help but pull her into his hard chest. She wrapped her arms around him, with her face hid into his chest, inhaling his perfume. He smiled as he planted a kiss on her forehead. "You're beautiful." he whispered into her ears, and his English never failed to melt her down. She smacked his arm, and they both chuckled. "Shenu tabeen ashtreelich?" he asked before sitting down. "Mabey shay." she said shyly. Hamad smirked at her, "Adrey enech t7ebeen caramel latte, double shot and skimmed mild ou two packs of sugar. Ne6reeney hney." he said and then walked away.



Rayan chuckled, he was too sweet. He made her feel like the center of his universe. He made her feel important. But most importantly, he made her feel loved.


4 minutes later, she heard the sound of Hamad's footsteps on the staircase and she smiled. He walked over to her with her drink in his hand. "Tefathlay." he said with a wide grin on his face, showing of his pearly white straight teeth. "Thank you." Rayan said as she held the cup and their fingers brushed. "Move over." Hamad whispered, and Rayan moved a tad bit, making space for Hamad.


He sat to her right,lifting his arm and wrapping it around her, and she rested her head on his shoulder. He grabbed her hand with his right hand and intertwined their fingers, while Rayan kept sipping on her coffee with one hand only. "I'm going to miss you." Rayan said in a whisper, and Hamad brushed his lips on her cheek. "I'll call you every night. I'll text you all the time, mara7 tafgedeeney." he said, and Rayan smiled.


They sat in peace for a couple of minutes, then Rayan sat up straight. Hamad was alarmed, and he noticed the look on her face, like she was getting ready to say something. "7amoud bas2elik su2al." Rayan said while she fiddled with her cup of coffee. Hamad  pulled the cup out of her hands and placed it on the table. He sat down facing her, and held both her hands in his. "Goulay, shfeech 7ayatey?" he said, his voice deep and lovely.


"7amoud.. enta tadrey ana shkether aghar 9a7?" she started saying, but Hamad stopped her as he squeezed her hands. "Tabeen el9ej? Ana mara7 achatheb 3alaich, gbl kent a3aref banat ou akalem cham wa7da. Bas 3gb ma 3araftech akthar ou te3alagt fech, ektishaft ena ma7ad yeswa gheirech." he said, sounding very sincere.


He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, "I have no intentions in leaving you. A7ebich rayouna." he said with a smile on his face. "I love you too chubby face." she said and pinched his cheeks. Hamad kept smiling while looking into her eyes. He never wanted to look away. But he suddenly remembered something, and his smile grew.



"I have something for you." he said as he let go of her hand and stood up. He put his hand in the pocket of his grey shorts, and pulled out a little box. Rayan read the word "Tiffany" on the box and her eyes filled with tears. Hamad chuckled as he handed her the tiny little box.


"Ma 3araft shenu ashtreelich fa khathait farou7 ekhtey m3ay ou ehia ely ekhtarat. Etha ma 3jebach gouliley 3ashan athba7ha." he said and Rayan laughed. She unboxed it and found a silver charm bracelet. She looked at him with her lips forming an "o" shape. "Ashwa ya3ney 3ajbech." Hamad said with a loud laugh.


Rayan examined the charm bracelet, "Every charm represents a month we spend together. Ya3ney for every month, I'll buy a charm." Hamad said into her ears, and she was too shy to look up. "I love it 7amoud." she said and a tear escaped her eyes. Hamad wiped it away gently, his thumb brushing against her cheek. "A7ebik jaad." she said and gave him a bear hug.


No words could describe the amount of joy and love she felt at that moment. Blessed. Lucky. Fortunate.Auspicious. Whatever it was, it wasn't enough.



After putting on the bracelet, she counted the charms with Hamad. Five different charms for five different months. She kissed his cheek and promised to never ever take it off. "Have fun Okay?" Ou fakray feeney waayed waayed." Hamad said, sounding like a child. Rayan chuckled as she said he never leaves her mind. They said their goodbye and Hamad wished her a safe flight.


He watched her figure disappear into the crowd, but the sound of her voice, the melody of her laugh and the electric touch of her skin never left his head.