Confessions.53

Yes, go ahead and tell me how much of a terrible blogger I am, like I have no personal life of my own. -.- 

And this goes to @Haltunaib, sorry I couldn't do it on your birthday!:D x 

Ps. Let me know if there any spelling/grammar mistakes, I didn't spell check. :p -

Everything will change. She felt it coming the moment she opened her eyes and did not feel his hard chest against her back the way she fell asleep. Her head was now rested on a bunch of pillows exactly in the position Abdullah was in. She felt him move around, get up and put the pillows instead,  but she preferred pretending like she  hadn't. Because it was better than acknowledging the fact that he sneaked out of the room, which may lead to him saying something like he may be regretting what he had said.


She pushed herself up, causing the 6 pillows Abdullah placed behind her to collapse altogether and rest on the floor. Her heart ached in its little socket, for what she had done, or had forced to be done. She walked lazily to the bathroom, locking the door behind her, just in case. She stood in front of the mirror, not to check her reflection, but only to realize the amount of changes that have occurred ever since "that day". She was such a different person on the day prior to the catastrophe. She felt different.


She felt the twist in her stomach as the thoughts and memories of Jenan flooded back. She tried to block them, to keep them away, but you can only hold the river for so long.


Her laugh, her mind, her words. Everything about her. Found a way into her mind and settled down, leaving her with nothing but the choice of re-exploring the pain and the suffering all over again. Tears flooded down her face, dripping down her jaw line. Her head was throbbing, struggling to catch a breath.


A knock on the door had startled her, and the familiar soothing of voice of Abdullah was loud and clear. "Rayan m6awla? Abey akalmech." he said and Rayan extended an arm to unlock the door. Abdullah twisted the doorknob and slowly pushed the door open, popping his head inside the bathroom. He withdrew a breath at the sight of her with tears running down her face. He couldn't help but force her into a hug.


Little did he know, it was her own safe haven.


"Shfeech?" he asked after he forced her out of the bathroom and sat her on the bed, still holding her very tightly and caressing her hair very gently. She shook her, implying there was nothing wrong, nothing to worry about.


"Shenu kent betgouley?" she asked him, after she calmed down and got perfectly ready for brunch with him. They were alone in the elevator, headed to the lobby to call for a cab. Abdullah examined her as she tossed perfectly curled strand of hair behind her shoulders, resting it carefully alongside the rest of her beautiful curls.

She wore an oversized button down top, the white color complimenting her skin tone. She tucked the front part of her top into a splash colored pair of trousers, leaving the back part of her top untucked. She tied a pretty pink scarf in a ribbon, resting on her shoulders, making her look like a little gift box. He laughed at the thought of her as a gift box, "La wala shay." he said, smiling at her.


He held the elevator door open for her as she walked out, she stopped aside, giving Abdullah a chance to walk beside her to the exit of the hotel. "Wain tabeen takleen?" he asked her as he ushered for a taxi. She shook her shoulders, "Mo you3ana."


Here goes the awkwardness, he thought.


He ended up choosing the restaurant to have brunch in, as well as lunch and dinner. She was oddly quiet, uncomfortable. Her eyes wandered, but refused to meet his. She took a step away every time their arms brushed. And as much as he was unfamiliar with the heaviness in his heart, he acknowledged the hurt.


In the hotel, when they returned early because she claimed she was tired, he tried to talk to her. "Shfeech elyoum?"  he asked her once the door to their suite was shut. She just shook her shoulders, not bothering to meet his gaze. "Etha 3an ely 9ar ams, atmana enich tensain kel ely geltah." he said in a gentle tone she was not acquainted with. It set off a sense of regret, pain and... shame, maybe?


She was quiet, fiddling with her ring as he was facing her back. She turned around to look at him. He read all the emotions of damage and soreness all over her face and body language. "Laish ma geltley? Laish khalaitney arou7 7ag ghairek ou ma geltley ena kel shay abeeh ou me7tajetah kan mawjoud jedamey?" she said, the ache pouring along the words.


His hands dropped helplessly to his side. "Ma kent abey a7remech mn shay kan ywansech. Shay entay 7abaiteeh! Menu ana 3ashan a7remich men elnas ely entay tekhtarainha? Ma tadreen, yemkin allah kateb enich tkouneen mn na9eebah." he told her, looking convinced in what he was saying and very much sure of it.


She only shook her head, only now becoming aware of the situation she was in. Her heart was torn between a man she had grown to love and care for, to love more than life itself. And between a gentleman, bottling his feeling for her own sake.


Abdullah excused himself and left to his room, telling her that he did not want to deprive her from the person who was able to make her smile in her darkest of all days. Even though it killed him to admit it.


Rayan took advantage of the time she had alone to herself to answer Hamad, who had been calling and texting her all day but she refused to respond. She would have to deal with him later.


"Heyy." she said through the phone, in almost a whisper. "Entay wainech! Laish ma tredeen!" he almost yelled at her. "Walhanaa 3alaaaik." she said and it was enough to draw a smile on his face. He kept hold of that smile as he told her he had missed her too.


"Enzain goulay, shloun London?" he asked, with complete interest in knowing about her plans. Rayan sucked in a breath, "Zainaa. Abey enta shlounek? Walaht 3alaik wallah." she said, on the verge of a breakdown. She was beginning to dislike being very far away from Hamad. She hated the fact the because she was far, she was more closer to Abdullah. If that even made sense.


As the sun rose the next morning, and the night tailing it, it was time to go home. She was eager to throw herself in her bed, in her room, where she knew her thoughts would haunt and torture her.


"Yallah meshaina?" he asked her, standing besides the door as he waited for her to hand him her luggage. As she did, she kept her eyes on her white wedges as she led the way to the lobby.


With every day they spent together in London, she could feel the distance between them expand. Not that she liked, but she was confused and frustrated. And more than anything, she hated to see Abdullah in pain. She watched him finish the paper work for the hotel, he did not take the time in the morning. His hair had grown very longer than usual and it was messy, in a cute way. His beard was thicker than ever, and she thought she liked him better that way.


He turned to look at her and actually caught her staring, he grinned and she chuckled, making him realize how much he missed her laughs and giggles. She watched as he gathered his stuff, his two mobiles, wallet and passports and made his way to her with a smile on his face. "Yallah choud yamdeena, abey awareech mukan gbl ma nrou7 elma6ar."


The car ride was not probably as long as she felt it was, but the car soon came to a stop in front of a huge university campus. Rayan read the abbreviation UCL, and her eyes almost fell out of their sockets. It was a life long dream to study medicine in one of the best universities on the face of earth, and UCL was the one she chose. It was a dream she had shared with Jenan, and after all that had happened she was more determined that ever.


"7asafa mara7 yamdeena nanzel ou awareech eljam3a, bas gelt 3ashan ashaj3ech." he told her and they both had huge smiles on their faces. She moved a little closer to him and gave a quick hug, "Thank youuuuu." she said in the happiest tone ever.


He told the taxi driver to continue making his way to the airport. Rayan was excited to go back home. Even though she was not on good terms with her father, she missed him terribly.


The plane ride was long. Boring. But Rayan spent almost half of the flight asleep on Abdullah's shoulder, and he did not seem to mind.


Landing was smooth, the plane was crowded, but Rayan was thankful Abdullah had chosen the first class seats. Being the gentleman he was, he carried her luggage and Prada purse and walked beside her to the luggage claim area. Of course, he collected all their luggage and pushed the trolley to the exit area.


It was the worst part of it all, to walk and have all those people staring at you while you search for a face in the crowd. But this time, she spotted him quickly. There he was, standing alone with his hands in his pocket, right were he promised he would be waiting for her. "Menu byakhthech? Wla tabeeney aredich?" he asked her as they continued walking. Rayan spilled the first answer that occurred to her, "Rfeejatey hney, barou7 ag3ad 3ahum ou ohma yredouney."


"Okay 3ayal akheth jna6ech awadeehum elbait?" he offered kindly and she said yes except for her Prada purse. Abdullah departured in front of her, and she waited to make sure he left before heading over to where Hamad was waiting. She hated lying to him but she hated how much she missed Hamad more.


Once he was out of sight, she made her way over to Hamad, who had a smile on his face as he anticipated her being in his arms. She was wearing a pair of beige chinos and a white tucked in cotton top, with a military jacket on top of it. She had her hair up in a sock bun and her lips painted crimson red. The pair of white wedges on her feet complimented her figure and the movement of her hips as she walked towards him.


He instantly reached for a hug, and she did not hesitate to pull him closer. "You're beautiful." he whispered into her ears with an English accent that was appealing to her. She pulled away, gazing into his eyes and then bursting into laughter, "Kalb walaht 3alaik." she said as she playfully smacked him. He noticed she was still wearing the charm bracelet he gifted to her. He held her hand in his, pulling it closer to his lips and planting a kiss on it. And Rayan blushed like never before.


He got them a table at Pinkberry and they spent 2 hours just catching up. When it started to get a bit late, around 9 pm, Hamad offered to give her a ride home. She told him that her driver could pick her up, but he insisted.


They both climbed into his G-class, Rayan admiring the interior of the car and the red leathers. "Shrayech?" he asked, noticing her expressions. "3ajeebaaaa!" she exclaimed with a giggle. "3alaik b'alf 3afya." she said and Hamad dove in and planted another kiss on her cheek. She chuckled as the heat rose to her cheeks. "Ma mesakt nafsey." he said and put the key into the ignition, and they both laughed all along the way.


As the car came to a stop, Hamad embraced her for one last time, to save her scent until next time. "I love you." she said, with pure honesty as she looked straight into his eyes. "I love you too." he said, and hugged her once again, this time intentionally rubbing his beard hair against her cheek, cause her to laugh and giggle.


She got out of the car and unwillingly walked towards the front door of the house with a smile plastered on her face. She stood in front of the door with her hand on the doorknob, and took one last glance at Hamad, who was still in his car, wanting to make sure she was home safely.


After the ringing of the bell, the house worker opened the door for her and kindly welcomed her. But as Rayan took further more steps inside, she could hear her father having a conversation with someone. Its weird because ever since the divorce, her father had never had any friends or guests over.


Curiosity took over and she got closer, making sense of the voices. It was a women.