Confessions.32

"Testa3be6ain 9a7?" Abdullah asked as he playfully pushed away her head. "Hey hey. Not the hair buddy." Rayan said, giving him her best gangsta attitude. "Fashlaa fashlaa." Abdullah said as he gave her head a playful push again. "Ou ba3daaaain." Rayan complained as she entered the shalaih with Abdullah on her tail. "3baid youz 3anha." Hessa said from the dining table and they both chuckled. "Affaaaa! Tra ehia ely badya!" Abdullah said as he used his childish tone with his mother. "Badya wla gla9?" Rayan said and everyone in the room started staring at her, troll face. "Shenu? Wallah t'tha7ekkk!" She said as she burst into laughter all by herself. "Gla9 wla wrangler?" Abdullah said, and Rayan stared at him too.


"Fahamteeha? gla9... G-class..." he said, explaining his joke. "Ambeh waai3 waai3 tawney astaw3eb." Rayan said as she threw the nearest cushion at him. "Nafs el6eena smella 3laihum." Hessa said, she turned to look at Zaina and she just smiled at both of them. "Wai3 wai3 ana ou hathey nafs el6eena? La yuma mthay3a!" Abdullah said, pointing a finger at Rayan. "Khaltey Hessa shoufeeeh." Rayan said, pulling her dirtiest trick from the hat: puppy eyes. "Abdullah ou b3dain! Bas khalaa9 lajaitounaa! Maney 3arfa asoulef m3a l'bnaya!" Hessa said, and Abdullah gave up. "3ashanech bas." he said as he winked at his mother then turned around.


"3abouuud." Rayan called him and he smiled at himself before turning around to answer her. His name on her lips was like melody to his ears. "Hla?" he said, eager to know what she was asking for. Even though in his heart, he knew he was going to say yes to whatever she asked for. "Starbucks?" she shyly asked. He chuckled, "Bas badlay, maku rou7a chethey." he said as he smiled at her. "A7laaa Abdullah bl'denyaaaa" she yelled and everyone chuckled. "Kel hatha 3ashan gahwa wla 3ashan etgzeen?" Hessa asked jokingly. "Baaihhh shakhbarey mennu ygez al7een khaltey Hessa. B3dain weldech ykhaley el'wa7ed ygez? Lazgaa lazgaaa." she said as she laughed, not noticing the hint of jealousy in Abdullah's eyes.


Rayan rushed to her room upstairs, changed into bleached skinny jeans and a white cotton top paired with a denim cropped jacket. She pulled her hair into a tight sock bun and applied a little hair wax. She ran down the stairs and found Abdullah playing with his car keys. He looked up and their eyes met. Beautiful without makeup, he thouht.


They got into the car and Rayan turned on the radio. Girl on fire by Alicia Keys and Nicki Minaj was playing on the radio. She turned up the radio and Abdullah smiled. They started singing the lyrics, and Rayan was pointing at herself every once in a while, indicating that she was the girl on fire. Abdullah just laughed at how hyper she was. "Jenan ga3da m3ay wallah." Abdullah said, meaning they both had the same attitude. Rayan stopped dancing and smiling and turned off the radio. An emotionless expression was drawn on her face and Abdullah noticed.


"Shfeech yuba shfeech? Wallah ma aq9ed." he said. Rayan looked outside the window, ignoring his words. "Rayoun shda3wa yallah 3ad la t'thaygeen khelgey." he said, trying to brighten the mood. "Athayeg khelgik? Enta ma tfaker gbl ma tet7acha?" Rayan said disrespectfully. "Shda3wa la tabcheeeen 3laina bas!" Abdullah said, words slipping out of his mouth. Rayan looked at him hurt, then looked away. "Red el'shalaih bas khala9 maley mazaj." she said coldly and Abdullah obeyed.


The whole ride back to the shalaih, Rayan was thinking of Hamad. She needed the comfort of his voice and his manly laugh. She needed to hear him say that it's gonna be Oki cause he's here with her. That no one can get between them. But he said nothing.


He parked the car and looked at her with pleading eyes. But she didn't take the time to look at him. She stepped out of the car and walked all the way to the beach. She looked behind her and saw Abdullah step inside the shalaih. She inhaled deeply. Exhaled and dialed his number.


"aloo." he said and then exhaled. Exhaling was Hamad's way of saying "finally". She smiled, "ahlain, shlounek?" she asked. Hamad smiled and said that he was fine. "7amoud sorry. Wallah ma aq9ed anarfzek." she said, tears strangling her, unable to breathe. "Shhhh. Sem3ay shenu hathey?" he asked as he started playing I'm yours by The Script, the song she dedicated to him earlier that day. She smiled, and her tears faded away. They kept silent until the song ended.


"Shesimha hal'ghneya?" Hamad asked. "I'm yours." Rayan said shyly. Knowing Hamad and his tricks, she knew he only asked to hear her say those words. He exhaled again, "I'm yours." he repeated and Rayan was left smiling to herself.


At that moment, she was flooded with happiness and love. His voice brought comfort amongst her. He made her forget about all her troubles and pains and gave her nothing but pure joy.


"Rayouna?" he said, and she loved the way he said her name."Hlaa?" she said. "Adrey enech bser3a tghareen bas tara wallah hathoul ma3ay b'loyac ya3ney shtabeeney asawey? Ou magder ag6a3 3an banat khalatey ou ahaley." he said, explaining his previous attitude.


Rayan took a minute to debate on whether she should ask him who "L" was, but she didn't want to ruin the mood. "Laa 3adey. I trust you." she said, even though she was starting to have doubts.


They ended the phone call and Rayan took a minute to recall everything he had said during their 20 minutes phone call. She found herself checking his twitter account. Scrolling through his tweets, she noticed he hadn't tweeted much. But two tweets made her smile.

"I found love, so I gotta go. I found love, now I ain't playing no more."

"You're so one in a million baby!"

-
HAPPY NEW YEAR! May this new start bring you nothing but happines,love and joy. May it cause you neither tears nor sorrows:D. This is how I've spent MY new year's eve. But it's a very good beginning:p.
Feeeeedback!

Confessions.31

As frustrated and hurt as Rayan was, she knew she owed Zaina an explanation. She looked around the shalaih and found Zaina sitting in another corner of the living room, looking at some of the pictures that were hung on the wall. Rayan got up and sat on the couch next to her. She took a look at Zaina after exhaling.


"Zayoun please." Rayan said as she kneeled forward and turned her head to look at Zaina. "Goulay. Asme3ech." said Zaina, looking at everything but Rayan. Rayan adjusted her seating position, her back was pressed against the couch and she lifted her knees to her chest. She tightly wrapped her arms around her knees as she began speaking. "Esmah Hamad. 7adah 6ayeb ou eyaanin 7ail! 7anouun 7ail. Ou yesma3ney, awal marra a7es ena someone cares about me, 3gb Jenan ya3ney." Rayan said and a frown formed on her face. Zaina moved in closer to her and didn't hesitate to wrap an arm around her pained friend. Rayan threw herself in Zaina's arms, "I care about you. Your dad cares about you. Kelna tara bas entay mo mestaw3eba. La tkhaleenah yesteghelich Rayanu." Zaina said.


Rayan pulled herself away from her and gasped, "Ambeih 7ada la! 7aram 3laich tara 7adah khoush wa7ed wallah!" Rayan said, unsure whether she was convincing Zaina or her own self. She remembered the tweet and her thoughts got the best of her. "Laa tkhaleen masha3rech tet7akam fech. Tra el'reyayeel kelhum nafs el6abe3. Yakheth ely yabeeh ou ykhaleech." Zaina said in a "I'm warning you tone" tone. Rayan gave her a  reassuring smile, "I know what I'm doing. La t7ateen." she said. And she wondered if she really did.


Rayan picked up her ipod from her bed and rushed downstairs, "Zayouun khaneg3ad barra please! Eljaw 3ajeeeb ou banazel el'jet!" Rayan said, her hand on the handle of the door, getting ready to go out. "Shhhh! Ga3da a6ale3!" Zaina said as her hands flew around in the air, indicating she wanted Rayan t be quiet. Rayan looked at the screen and recognized the actors from Friends. "Uff zayoun shda3wa! Shayfa hal7alqaa ou 7afthat'ha b3ad! Emshay khane6la3!" Rayan said, begging Zaina to go outside with her. Zaina turned around and gave Rayan a stare, "Oki khala9 khala9 keifech." Rayan said as she chuckled.


Rayan walked outside, the sun shining down on her skin, giving it a little glow. And her hair looked a lighter shade of brown under the sunshine. It was normal day in the summer, kids swimming in the beach, splashing water at each other and their giggles echoed to distances. Other kids preferred the sand, building sand castles and making round balls. Rayan smiled as she remembered games she used to play with her  cousins and Jenan.


She sat on a  wooden chair, sheltered from the burning rays of the sun. She took out her headphones and started untangling them. She heard the sound of a car pull to a stop and she recognized the car as Abdullah's. She ran her way over to him and decreased her pace as she watched Abdullah step out of the car carrying his mothers bag, she looked at the other side of the door and saw Hessa, Abdullah and Jenan's mother step out. "Shyaybek?" she asked in a whisper, her smile gave her away and Abdullah knew she was happy to see him. "Entay ma tredeen 3la telephonich! Dagait 3 marrat chan adeg 3la obouch ou galey enech bel'shalaih m3a rfeejtich chan omey tgoul tabey tshoufech. Tadreen b3ad el'walda bser3a toulah" Abdullah said in a sarcastic complaining tone and Rayan chuckled. "Traa sema3tek." Said Hessa and Abdullah didn't notice that she was standing to his right.


They all burst into laughter as Rayan threw herself into Hessa's arms. She felt the grace of the woman who was a second mother to Rayan. "7abeebtey Rayouna walahna 3laich! Shda3wa chthey ga63aaa marra wa7da!" Said Hessa as she slowly ran her hand through Rayan's hair. Rayan remained silence. She didn't loosen her grip and remained in the arms of Hessa, she missed feeling the warmth of a human being. The vibe of love and affection was not something Rayan was used to feeling after her best friend's death. The world deprived her from her rights to love and be loved.


"Rayoun shfeech?" Abdullah asked, interrupting the moment and Rayan chuckled. "Mafeeney shay bas welaht 3la mama Hessa." she said as she let go of Hessa and ran her hand through her hair. "Ou ana maley rab? Maasheyy bashouf menu ywadeech starbucks b3ad shway." Abdullah said as he dramatically turned his back. "Laa laa ta3al wallah 7ta enta lek w7shaaa." Rayan said with a giggle and Abdullah turned around and smiled at her. Rayan looked at Hessa who was staring at her and smiling. Rayan chuckled, "Asheelha 3anech?" Rayan asked as she extended her arm to take hold of the basket in Hessa's hand. "Eeh wallah 7abeebtey kserat eedey, ou tadreen ba3ad ana mafeeney 7ail."


Rayan smiled as she adjusted the basket in her hands, "Haw 3aboud sheel 3anha! Shfaydetik rayal?" Hessa said, teasing Abdullah and he laughed. "3a6eeney bas 3a6eeey." he said as took a few steps closer to Rayan. She chuckled as she said: "Eeh walah" and she lifted the basket for Abdullah to take. Abdullah placed his hand on the handle of the basket and their fingers brushed accidently. Abdullah felt an electric pulse run through him and a dorky smiled formed on his face. On the other hand, Rayan felt nothing new, instead she smiled back at him and continued walking her way inside the Shalaih.


"Zayoun goumay 6a3 menu yah" Rayan said as she held the door open for Hessa. "Elsalaam 3alaikum." said Hessa as she walked over to Zaina and greeted her in the traditional Kuwaiti way. A million kisses and shooting thousands of questions at a time, leaving Abdullah and Rayan laughing at them. "Zayoun hathey mama Hessa. Om Jenan, allah yer7amha." Rayan said in a soft tone. And Abdullah noticed how she spaced out for a few second. He nudged her, "Ana elsayeq ely yayebkum 9a7?" He said, complaining again. Rayan laughed, "Hatha Abdullah, weldey." said Hessa as she chuckled at how Rayan and Abdullah kept teasing each other.


They were all seated on the couches, Abdullah sitting in the far corner, busy with his phone. Rayan noticed him and Bbm-ed him.

Rayan:
Shfeek?:p

Abdullah:
Mafeeney shay, bas mo chena fashla rfeejtich mawjouda?

Rayan:
Haw shaku..

Abdullah:
Madrey a7es'ha mo merta7a kelish:/

Rayan looked up at Zaina, who was engrossed in a conversation with Hessa. Talking about the woman in the interview they were airing on TV. Rayan looked at Abdullah and he got the hint. "3baid emsh abey anazel el'jet ski bas magder brou7ey!" Rayan said as she excitedly got up. Abdullah smiled, "Yallah emshay.", he said as he got up and walked to the door. Just before exiting, Rayan turned around and asked Zaina if she would like to join, "La mabey akhaf." Zaina said as Rayan giggled at her.


Abdullah pulled the door of the garage open and Rayan stood there with her hands on her hip. "Super jet?" Abdullah asked and Rayan nodded. He made his way through the jet skis, "Laa laa hatha!" Rayan said as she pointed at the yellow Jet ski, which is originally her cousins but she liked using it when he wasn't around. "Tegdreen 3alaih?" Abdullah asked giving Rayan a daring look. "Asabgek feh b3ad." she said, full of confidence. Abdullah laughed as he pulled out the Jet ski she wanted. All Rayan did was move on step to the left, giving Abdullah more space to push the Jet ski. "Ashtghel 3endich ana? Ta3alay sa3deeney." Abdullah said, as he looked at a Rayan. She was looking at him, amazed. His body structure was athletically strong and his muscles were perfect. She shook her head, "Enshallah mo bneya tdez. Shfaydetik 3ayal?" she said, teasing him again and he laughed.


He went back inside the garage to get himself his Jet Ski. He  stopped right next to Rayan. "Tsabgeen?" he asked. Rayan gasped, "Enshallah ma netsabag menu ydezah ou you9al awal! Ashkara enta tasbegney! May9eer ghash!" she said and Abdullah roared with laughter. "Laa tabcheen bas." he said and Rayan playfully smacked his back. "Tra wallah akhaleeh." he said, threatening her and Rayan laughed. "Khala9 khala9 Oki" she said as she helped Abdullah with getting the Jet skis to the shore.


Abdullah got the Jet skis into the water and was waiting for Rayan, who excused herself to go put on her swimsuit. Half his body still in the water and his shirt lay on the shore. Rayan appeared into his view and he stared at her, she sprinted to the water because the sand was hot due to the hot rays of the sun. Abdullah laughed, "Chub tara wallah 7arr" Rayan said as she chuckled. "3ayartech" he said as he splashed water at her. Rayan gave him a look as she got on her Jet ski. "La7tha la7tha. Wain el'life jacket ya 7elwa?" Abdullah asked in a serious tone, the smile and the humor fading away. "Ambeh shda3wa tra a3aref asba7 wallah." Rayan said, splashing a small amount of water on his face. "Rayan." Abdullah said strictly. "Abdullah." Rayan said, imitating his voice. He couldn't help but smile at her stubbornness.


"Deeray balech! Ou la  tdouseen wla walah anazlech ou ared el'Jet ski! Ou 3an suwalef l'khbaal! Ou mo ay wa7ed yat7arash wla y6asher may trou7een trdeenlah el7araka fahma?!" Abdullah said in a strict tone. Rayan chuckled, "Enzaaain bas yallah" she said as she waited for Abdullah to make the first move.



The sun was setting and they were exhausted. Abdullah slowed down as he stopped next to Rayan, "Khala9? 6a3 el'maya bedat trou7." he said and looked at Rayan. "Eeh bas khala9 ta3abt" she said, exhaustion all over her face. "Khala9 entay rou7ay ou ana ared el'jet skis." he said as he smiled at her. "Akeed? Ma tabeeney asa3dek?" she asked him again. "Eeh akeed. Bas rou7ay tesab7ay ou erta7ay ou ana al7egich enshallah" he said and Rayan did as he said.


"Ambeh nesait ayeeb fou6a!" Rayan exclaimed as she watched Abdullah chuckle. "Ekhthay fou6tey ou ana an6erich 3la ma tkhal9een b3dain yeebely wa7da mn dakhel." Abdullah said as he dipped his head in the water. Rayan chuckled as she wrapped his towel around her wet body and sprinted to the shalaih. She opened the door and ran as fat as she can. "Tedafay yummaaa!" she heard Hessa say and yelled: "Enshallah!"

After a quick warm shower, Rayan picked out her grey dress from Franklin and Marshall that reached exactly above her knees. She let down her wet hair and ran to her fathers room, where he had a couple of clean towels. She opened the closet and grabbed the first towel she set her eyes one. She quickly ran down the stairs, "Shway shway la t6ee7een!" Hessa said and Rayan laughed.

She ran to the shore barefoot. She saw Abdullah sitting there, he had his shirt on and he was making round balls out of mud. Rayan tiptoed her way to him and wrapped the towel around his face. He moved his arms, alarmed, and pulled the towel away. He stood up and turned around to see Rayan bursting into laughter and tears."Lah lah zer3eeney akthar" Abdullah said as he slapped Rayan with the towel. Rayan gasped, "7araam 3aik wallah hatha asra3 shay! 6a3 7ta sha3rey ma nashaftah!" she said as she scrunched her hair to show him how wet it was.

Abdullah smiled as they walked back inside to the shalaih. "Wain rfeejtich?" Abdullah asked. "Ga3da m3a Mama Hessa..." she said and Abdullah smiled. "Ashkaraa 7abait'haa!"  she said again and Abdullah stood quiet for a minute.

Little did she know that Abdullah only smiled cause he liked the sound of her voice. Little did she know that Abdullah only loved her and not anyone else. Little did she know that Abdullah feels electric when they accidently touch. Little did she know how much Abdullah longed to be with her again. Little did she know how invincible Abdullah felt, as long as he had her. Little did she know how beautiful he thought she was. Little did she know how much he loved her smile and her laughter, especially when he's the reason behind it. Little did she know about how hard it was stop himself from pulling her into his arms.


Little did HE know about how she was thinking about Hamad with every second passing..

-
PS. I'm tired of people trying to find out who I am. Just cause I'm being nice and creating convo doesn't mean I'm giving you hints to who I am. This is NOT a scavenger hunt. Hadaw a39abkum:p. And STOP asking if it's a true story, ra7 yafreg ya3ney?:p A writer never tells, so read the story ou khala9:p.

Aaand, people who try too hard to "expose" me will be blocked. Malah da3ey drama and that shit, lets be nice to each other kay?:p

Confessions.30

Sorry for the delay. I have been quite busy, but not to worry, I'm here now and inspired.:p Have fun readinggg:p


She stood in place, her feet glued to the ground. Her heavy heart made her numb, she was upset and sad. She dragged her feet slowly into the shalaih, her eyes fell on Zaina, who was sitting crossed legged on the couch and examining her fingernails. She heard the door swing open and didn't look up at Rayan. The one thing Rayan wished for was a hug full of adoration, but she knew it was nothing but wishful thinking.


Zaina looked like she was deep in thought, not wanting to speak. But her eyes were pleading for an explanation. An acceptable reason, a story behind the argument she had overheard. "Zayoun..." Rayan said softly, her voice showing guilt alongside shame,"sem3eeney please." Zaina moved a few inches, making enough space for Rayan to sit next to her. "Shesalfa?" Zaina asked in a cold tone. Rayan kept silent, gathering her strength and organizing her thoughts. "Gouliley Rayan!" she said again, this time demanding a straightforward answer.


Letting out a deep breath, Rayan opened her mouth. The words slipping out of her mouth, "Shagoulech Zayoun? Wallah madrey shagoul.. Atwaqa3 entay ely sema3teeh kafey." she said, her gut not strong enough to look Zaina in the eye.  "Mn 9ejich? Rayan entay mo chtheyy. Laish fahmeeney laish?" Zaina said. Rayan knew her friend was only worried about her, she wanted the best for her. And that caused the feeling of guilt in Rayan's chest to rise and ascend from the ocean of mixed feelings.


"Zayoun wallah madrey ya3ney..." Rayan started to speak, but the river of tears got in the way. Zaina didn't hesitate to throw and arm around Rayan as she pulled her closer and caressed her hair. "Bas khala9 7abeebtey, ma 3alaih." Zaina whispered into the ears of Rayan, who was weak and vulnerable at that moment. Her breathing getting heavier by the minute, and the pain in her heart spreading, opening scars and wounded cuts.

Rayan was always the strong person, always full of life and cheerful. The only person who can see clearly through all these walls and borders was Hamad, and now Zaina. She saw the remains of the unhealed wounds and felt the pain. She saw the weakness and insecurities in her very clearly.


Zaina started calming her down, wiping away her tears and telling her that its gonna be Oki. She assured her that she wasn't gonna leave until she made sure Rayan was Oki and smiling again. Tears dried, and her heart ached. Zaina told her to take a nap for an hour, and she volunteered to make lunch. Rayan hugged her and thanked her for everything she has done.


Hamad, on the other side of Kuwait, was sitting in his friend's Duwaneya. Everyone was playing cards while Hamad was drifted away, carried by his  own thoughts to another place. "7maaid!" Zaid, Hamad's friend, yelled.  "Khaair? Shtabey?" Hamad said while laughing, masking the worry and pain her carried around. He was afraid he might have hurt Rayan. He couldn't bare imagine tears flowing down her beautiful cheek, and knowing he was the reason behind them."Shfeek sar7aaan? Laykouun 7abaitlek mn waranaa!" Zaid teased, his long dark hair messier than ever. "Laa ya m3awed! Eskit bas 7adey maley khelg el'essay ou ma sawait el'assigment." Hamad said, rubbing the back of his neck then stretching both his hands.

"Shnaa6er ent? Tra due at 12!" Zaid said, his eyes widening at his careless friend. Hamad looked at his watch, 3:29. "Taw el'naas, yamdeeney wallah." Hamad said, he stood up and grabbed the remote and started switching the channels. Zaid shook his head in disappointment.


"Rayan 7abeebtey..." Zaina said, slowly shaking Rayan in the purpose of waking her up, "goumay el'sa3a 9arat 6." Rayan lifted her hand and covered her eyes, her thoughts came drifting back and the pain rose again. "Yallah al7een agoum." she said in almost a whisper and Zaina walked to the kitchen.


One thought kept on flipping and spinning in Rayan's head; has Hamad talked to her yet? She stretched her hand and started feeling the table next to her, too lazy to open her eyelids. She picked up her blackberry and typed in her password. The first thing she did was enter the Bbm application and scroll down to the last conversation she had with Hamad. She found nothing from him.


Disappointingly, she checked his twitter account. She scrolled through his random tweets, trying so hard to read between the lines. One tweet caught her eye, and it triggered a million questions.
أنوتثك ملكي لوحدي.. و رجولتي حلالك(L)<3.


Rayan knew for a fact that her name doesn't start with the letter L, nor does it contain it. Her eyes started to burn but she decided she wasn't going to cry over him anymore. She heard Zaina's voice calling her, asking her to come have late lunch. She pushed herself up from the couch she was sleeping on and walked til Zaina was in sight. "Yaahh yahh shenu hatha?" Rayan said, her eyes scanning the plate of pasta placed in front of her. "Maku sheghl gelt asaweelich pasta. Choud takleen mthel el3alam." Zaina said as she chuckled. "3aad ree7tah 3ajeeba! Teslam eedich Zayoun!" Rayan said, her stomach making funny noises out of hunger. Both girls giggled as they enjoyed their light delicious meal.


Half an hour later, the were full and satisfied. "3wafey." Zaina said, winking at Rayan who smiled shyly and said "Allah y3afeech". They picked up their plates and placed them at the sink for them to wash later on. No matter how many times Rayan smiled or laughed, she couldn't stop thinking of Hamad and that tweet.


It killed her to imagine him with someone else. Someone else making him laugh. Someone else complimenting his choice in clothing. Someone else enjoying the sound of his voice. Someone else embracing his love. She started doubting his integrity, and blamed herself for not being good enough.

Confessions.29

Even though this is one of the longest chapters I've ever written in a day, it doesn't meet the standards I've set for myself. And Thank you for the get well soon wishes! Enjoy this for now:Dx

You can't help but feel more attached to someone after opening up to them, even if it was a moment of weakness. Rayan and Zaina had been spending more and more time together, and Rayan liked that. The thought of having a friend who isn't Jenan made Rayan sad and happy at the same time. She didn't want a replacement for Jenan but she couldn't deny how good it felt to have a good laugh with someone who isn't her dad or Abdullah.

"Zayouuuun" Rayan whined on the phone. Zaina huffed and puffed. "Shtabeen?" she said, giggling on the phone. Both girls laughed at the silliest stuff, they both had yearly subscriptions to Vogue magazine, both the UK and the American version. They both cheered for Real Madrid. But when it came to music, their taste differentiates. Zaina may not be the replica of Jenan. But she was something similar to it.

"T3alay ma3ana el'shalaih. Pleaasseeeeee." Rayan said, hoping to win Zaina over. Zaina went silent for a minute. "Fine. Bas khl agoul 7ag omey." she said, giving in. "Yesssss..." Rayan cheered, "Tra maku a7ad bas ana weyach ou my cousin chena betye. Bring your swimsuit!" Zaina giggled as she said Oki. All Zaina ever wanted to do was make Rayan happy, give her a reason to smile and be the shoulder Rayan needs to cry on. Zaina had nothing but good intentions in her heart, and that is what made the people around her love her too much.

Rayan had her clothes and make up on and her hair naturally curled since she had used hair mousse earlier that day, which gave her hair beachy curls and some volume. She was wearing her favorite gradient  white and purple shorts that reached exactly above the knees and her plain white tank top with a Purple jacket on top. This was her favorite look for the beach.

Opening up the last bbm convo she had with Hamad, she started typing.

Rayan:
7amouud!

Hamad:
Labbaih?

Rayan:
Sh3endik el'youm?:p

Hamad:
Dewaneya. Laish?

Rayan:
Bas as2al:p

Hamad:
Entay?

Rayan:
Barou7 el'shalaih b3ad shway:p

Hamad:
M3a menu?

Rayan:
My friend ou my cousin:p

Hamad:
Mmm. La talbseen g9eer ou have fun;*

Rayan:
Enshhallah, you too x

An hour later, Zaina called Rayan and told her she was ready for Rayan to pick her up. Rayan instantly called the driver and asked him to get the car, then called her cousin to tell her they were on their way.

Pulling to a stop in front of Zaina's house, Rayan called Zaina and told her she was waiting outside. Within 2 minutes, Zaina was stepping out of the front door, wearing grey sweatpants and a navy T-shirt with her beach bag with her. Zaina's thick curly hair waspulled into a high bun and her face free of makeup. Rayan waved at her, she stepped out of the car and gave Zaina a tight hug. "Shda3wa tawech shayfatney." Zaina said jokingly. "Ambeh mo kafuu." Rayan said as she chuckled and they both got into the car.

"Wain shalaihkum?" Zaina asked, pulling her eyes away from her iphone screen and looking at Rayan. "K290" Rayan said as she gave Zaina an evil smile. "Shfeeech? Tra bas ga3da as2al." Zaina said, laughing at the expression on Rayan's face. "Eeeh khair enshallah..." Rayan said, and then kneeled forward to the driver and said: "Rou7 starbucks enzain? Ely b6reejna."

Starbucks, came into view. And before they knew it, the driver had already parked the car in front of it and killed the engine. "Entay nezlay ana maley khelg." Rayan said to Zaina, who had no intentions in going inside alone. "Laaaa maney ray7a brou7ey. Yallah 3ad tekfain nezlay m3ay Rayouuun." Zaina said, looking at her clothes and then at Rayan's. "Zayoun ana labsa short enshallah ma anzel chthey." Rayan said, giving Zaina her famous puppy eyes. But this time, Zaina wasn't gonna give in. "Sheftay ana shlabsa? Yallah pleasseee!" Zaina said, pursing her lips. "Ufff enzain yallah."

They pushed the door open and the cold breeze of the AC tickled their skin, the place was practically empty, except for a bunch of young boys sitting in the corner, acting like men. They had cigarettes in their hands and Rayan was pretty sure it was just for show. She laughed in her head as she kept making her way to the counter. "Hi ma'am, welcome to starbucks. Can I take your order?" The Filipino employee at starbucks asked with a kind smile on his face. Rayan smiled back, "Hey, I would like a plain latte, double shot please.", she said and the employee started pressing buttons. "Plain latte, double shot..." he repeated, "What about you ma'am?" he asked Zaina. "Ha? Same. Make that two please." she said, looking startled by his question.

"Zayoun shfeech?" Rayan whisperred into Zaina's ears. "Rayan 6a3 shloun ykhezoun. Kelish mo merta7a." Zaina said, her eyes wandering around, refusing to look at Rayan's. "Tabeen trou7een el'sayara?Khala9 ana akheth l'drinks ou ayeech." Rayan said , giving Zaina a reassuring smile. "Ou akhaleech brou7ech? Are you sure?" Zaina said, not wanting to leave Rayan alone. Rayan assured her that she was going to be Oki and that she would call her if anything happened.

The moment Zaina stepped out of the door, Rayan pulled out her backberry and pressed it against her ear as she called the one person who's voice made her feel as comfortable as she could ever be. "Haa baba." he said through the phone and her heart sighed in relief. She kept quiet, not knowing what to say. "Rayouna shfeech? Mo men 3awaydech tdegeen faj2a." Hamad said, sounding worried and Rayan smiled. "La maku bas ana b'starbucks ra7al ou fe shabab fa ekhtara3t ou dagait madrey shaku." she said and laughed once she realized how stupid she sounded. "Shemwadeech?" Hamad said, making it obvious that he was annoyed. "Madrey ya3ney b6ereejna ou my friend kanat meshtahya fa gelna nrou7." she said calmly.

"Ou your friend hathey wainha? Laish mo nazla m3ach?" Hamad said, his voice rising gradually. "7amoud shfeek? La t3a9eb." Rayan said, sounding sad as a frown formed on her face. In the corner of her eye, she saw one of the boys stand up. "Ambeh gam gam." she said, her voice showing pure panic even though she looked so calm.  "Tabeen ayech?" Hamad asked. Hamad had a thousand girls in his life, but when it came to Rayan, she was his and only his. He didn't want her to be seen or touched by anyone else. She was too pure and innocent.

"La shda3wa malah da3ey. Bas khalek 3al'kha6 m3ay." she said, and Hamad realized how much she needed him. "Enzain soulfay, la ta36eenah majal." he said. Rayan opened her mouth to speak but was cut off by a voice behind her. "Shda3wa seddeeh 3a6eena wayh" the boy said, his voice creepy. Rayan slightly turned her head around to look at him. He was shorter than she was, wearing beige shorts and a white T-shirt. His face free of any facials and the cigarette in his hands was put out but still he carried it around.

"7egreeh." Hamad's voice brought her back to reality as she chuckled. "Adrey." she said. Rayan noticed that their drinks was taking too long. "Exuse me, can you hurry up please?" she asked the employee, indicating that she was in a rush. "Rayan shrayech tgoulilah ohwa eyeblkum l'drink bel'sayara etha khale9aw?" Hamad said. "La ka khale9aw." Rayan told him as the employee placed the two drinks on the pick up table. She used her shoulder to press the phone against her ear and picked up the two drinks. "M6awla?" Hamad asked. "La ka bas a7e6 sugar ou amshey" she said, struggling to keep the phone in place. "Yallah khoush." Hamad said.

"Khalay 3anech el'thgel yallah yuba" the creepy dude said again, standing close to Rayan, leaning on the table. "Hatha mo nawey yfech? Yallah Yallah al7een ayech" Hamad said angrily and Rayan froze in her place."7amoud sheyeebik jlai3a?! La ka khala9t al7een ba6la3" she said and the boy had a mini heart attack and his face expressions changed from stubbornness to fear. "asfeen 3al'ez3aj" the boy said as he walked away from Rayan.

Rayan chuckled, "Ambeh khag'haaa" she giggled. "Ma baghaina! Ou entay ou b3dain m3ach? La ashoufech tanzleen brou7ech marra thanya!" he said, a hint of jealousy in his tone. "Tghar?" Rayan bravely asked. "Chub chub." Hamad laughed on the other end of the phone and Rayan took that as a yes. "Enzain yallah ou9al el'shalaih ou akalmek Oki?" she said, excusing herself. "Oki. deeray balech ou 6amneeney 3laich." he said and they both ended the phone call with smiles on their faces.

They were back on the road, each silently scrolling through their timeline. 99.7 playing through the speakers but they weren't paying any attention to it. Until I'm yours by The Script started playing and Rayan felt like the song was for her.

Rayan breathed in every word, the chorus watered her eyes. It went like this:
"I may not have softest touch.
I may not say the words as such.
Though I may not look like much.
I'm yours.
And though my edges may be rough.
I never feel like I'm quite enough.
It may not seem like very much,
But I'm yours."

Every song described the way she felt, she thought it couldn't get any better. Until she heard the second verse.
"You heal these scars over time.
Embraced my soul, you loved my mind.
You're the only angel in my life.
The day news came, my best friend died,
My knees went weak and you saw me cry,
Say I'm still the  soldier in your eyes."

Hamad may have not been there when it all happened. But if he was, Rayan knew he wouldn't let her suffer alone. He would stand by her, hold her hand and tell her she's gonna be Oki.

After googling the lyrics and finding out it was by The Script, she dedicated it to Hamad. Kindly asking him to listen to it, and Hamad didn't hesitate to download it right away.

Losing track of time, the two girls found themselves driving through the gates of the shalaih. "Ra7 akaayeffff." said Zaina as she stepped out of the car. She looked around, taking it all in. It was a huge piece of land with a paved way that led to a shaded corner, where the cars stood. There was a 2 story building and a garage, where all the Jet Ski's and dirt bikes were parked.

Rayan led the way into the shalaih and Zaina followed. In front of them was a huge living room, with 8 single couches pointed to a television pinned on the wall in one corner, and another smaller television with all the PlayStation and Xbox wires attached to it in the far other corner. "Kel shay jedamech, ou hnak e;'ma6bakh." Rayan said, pointing at the modern kitchen and the bar table with 5 high chairs. There was a tall rectangular table right in front of the kitchen, and they were separated by a wall and a door.

"Tabeen awareech ely barra al7een wla tbadleen awal?" Rayan asked Zaina, and she said she wanted to change first. Rayan threw herself on the couch and took of her jacket as she pulled out her blackberry. Deciding to bbm Hamad, his profile picture caught her eye.

 It was a group picture of a volunteering committee, which consisted of almost 6 girls and 2 guys. Hamad was standing in the middle and a girl had her arms on his shoulder and it almost seemed like his arm was on her hip. She decided to ignore it and bbm him anyways.

Rayan:
We9alna. Banazel el'jet ski's b3ad shway.

Hamad:
Aku shabab?

Rayan:
Eeh ya3ney shalaih shrayek enta?

Hamad:
La maku.

Rayan:
Haw laish? Ambeh enshallah mo ana ma astanes 3shan "aku shabab"

Hamad:
Shfeech entay? Te7achay 3dl. Ou ana ma asawey chthey ela le2aney aghar.

Rayan:
Ee Oki.

Hamad instantly called Rayan. She hesitated at first then quickly stepped out before Zaina got out of the bathroom. "Aloo?" she said, pressing the phone to her ears. "Entay shfeech? La tnafseen 3la affay!" said Hamad, obviously annoyed. Rayan kept silent. She didn't want to let her jealous emotions get the best of her, but it was too late. She sighed, not wanting to say anything. "Ma tet7achain? Enzain shfeech mnafsa ekhtey?" He said, breathing heavily. "La maku. A9lan 3adey t9awer m3a banat ou tlemhum chthey." she said, jealous.

Hamad was known for his quick convincing responses. "Afteitay mn 3endich 9a7? Entay law sa2la chan geltlich ena hathoul banat khalatey." he said, full of confidence. "Oki 7ata law banat khalatek! Shda3wa chthey lazga feek! Laish ma teg3ad b7ethnik b3ad mo a7san?" she said, her voice rising but she managed to keep it down. "B7esbat khawatey hathailaaa!" he roared through the phone but Rayan stood her ground. "Eeeh Oki khala9 3ayal ana barou7 ag3ad b7ethen weld khaley ou alemah ou agoulek b7esbat okhouy ou bashoufek ma t3a9eb Oki?" she said.

"Saweeha ou shoufay shy9eer." he said, threatening. "Laaa wallah? Shbetsawey?" Rayan said, liking the fact that there's nothing he can possibly do. "Mashey Rayan, Mashey. Khalech 3la suwalfech hathey." he said, ending the phone call. Not giving Rayan the chance to speak.

She sighed heavily, she started having second thoughts. Maybe she was wrong, maybe she was overreacting. And she should have asked before making assumptions. She settled on giving him some space and then talking to him later. This was their first fight. And Rayan didn't like getting on the nerves of other people. She felt a pang of guilt and sadness, but refused to show it for the sake of keeping it away from Zaina.

She turned around and noticed a figure who was standing next to the door, was now suddenly rushing inside. Zaina must have accidentally eavesdropped and overheard their conversation. Or probably Rayan's side of the conversation.

Rayan had a lot of explaining to do.

Confessions.28

With the end of the semester right around the corner, Rayan hated her time spent in school buildings. She hated the constant reminder of Jenan and how everything had a certain memory attached to it, even the teachers. She longed to go back home and talk to Hamad. Her exams were sucking all the energy she ever contained in her, but she fought to keep her own dream and Jenan's alive. She was part of the graduation staff in her school and it took up too much of her time.

"Enzain ay loun el'roub?" asked Zaina, Rayan's classmate and friend who had grown closer to Rayan each day. She was also one of the staff so they spent most of their time together. "Shrayech 3elmey yalbesoun a7mar ou adabey azrag?" suggested Rayan. The staff, who was made of 4 girls including Rayan and Zaina, was quiet for mere seconds then Jawa spoke. "Laish lounain? Ma t7eseen 7ousa?" she said and the fourth girl,  Fatma, nodded.

"Bel3aks! Naqsem el9ala ne9ain, y9eer ne9 7ag banat 3elmey ou ne9 banat adabey bas ydeshoun m3a b3ath. Ou nwaze3 el'awadem 3la 6awlat ely t9eer 6weeela ou 3la shakel musta6eel. 3araftouhum? Ou n7e6 white roses 3al el6awlat. Ou nyeeb caterers 7ag el3asha." Rayan said as her hand movements explained what she meant. The girls had impressed smiles on their faces and they agreed on that. "Taboun ashouf khaya6 eye el'bait 3shan yakheth el'maqasat?" Fatma said. The girls looked at each other, "Haw la laish ma yrou7 bait Rayan. Bait'ha akbar ou mukanah ybayen 3adel ya3ney musta7eel a7ad ythee3." Jawa said and Rayan was Oki with it. In Fatma's head, she knew Jawa was right. Rayan lived in a huge modern designed house. "Eeeh Oki 3adey. Ana obouy msafer so maku a7ad bel'bait." Rayan said. They all agreed on the date and they informed the girls about the fitting.

She sat there in 7th period, English. Zaina by her side, half asleep. Rayan nudged Zaina's shoulder,"Shtabeeeen?" Zaina hissed and Rayan chuckled. "Bagey 5 degayeg." Rayan whispered and Zaina replied with a "finallyyy."

The chime of the bell was like a pump of energy drink in both Rayan and Zaina's system. They stood up cheerfully and walked out of the classroom. "Maley khelg ared el'bait." Zaina said with a frown on her face. "Zayoun, shfeech?" Rayan asked concerned. Zaina sighed, "Tehawasht m3a omey ams." she said with a voice full of pain and sorrow. "Laish? 3ad entay omech 7ail tyaanin la tza3leenha!" Rayan said, surprised from the fact that they could ever have an argument.  Zaina just shook her shoulders, indicating that she didn't want to talk about it. "Enzain shrayech trdeen m3ay? Maku a7ad bel'bait. and I could really use some company." Rayan said and Zaina's face instantly brightened. "Oki bas agoul 7ag okhuy ygoul 7ag omey." Zaina said as she chuckled.

After Zaina called her brother and informed him that she was going home with Rayan, they both headed to Rayan's driver. He greeted them with a smile as they both got in the car. "Ebraheem 7e6 99.7!" Rayan said as she rested her head on Zaina's shoulder.

The upbeat introduction of Rock me by One direction started playing through the speakers of the car. "Allaaaahh!!!" Zaina shrieked which caused Rayan's heart to skip a beat. "Way3aaa!" Rayan said, and as soon as Zaina realized that she scared her, they both started laughing. "Oh my my, they can never shut us down!" Zaina sang, her voice not any louder than the radio's. "I used to think that I was better alone. Why did I ever want to let you goooo?" Rayan sang at the top of her lung's, leaving Ebrahem to chuckle at both the girls.  "Under the moonlight as we stared at the sea." Zaina continued, as she smiled at Rayan. "THE WORDS YOU WHISPERED, I WILL ALWAYS BELIEVEEEE!" Rayan sang ever so loudly. They both broke down laughing, then gathered all the strength they had to sing their favorite line: "I want you to hit the pedal, heavy metal, show me you care."

The rest of the ride consisted of them singing to the songs they know on the radio and then laugh until they both started tearing. They stepped out of the car, grabbing their backpacks and walking through the garden and standing at the door. "3ad tadreen 9outech 7elu." said Zaina as Anne opened the door and greeted both of them. Rayan chuckled, "Wayed galouley." she said.

"Emshay khanbadel. Shakla entay nafs my size. T3alay shoufay shay talbseenah." said Rayan as she walked her way up the stairs and into the hallway which led to her room. Their feet sliding over the recently cleaned marble floors, they both stood at the top of the stairs. Rayan took a deep breath as Zaina looked around. In front of Zaina was a basic living room, with purple couches, an LED plazma TV screen and simple white wallpapers covering the wall. Rayan took the a step forward and then turned to the right, "Laish mo hney?" Zaina asked, pointing at the closed door to her left.

Inhaling deeply, "Ma7ad yrou7 hnak al7een." Rayan said and left the unsolved pieces for Zaina to put together. "Wee..." Zaina said, "Ambeh asfa wallah ma kent adrey."  Zaina took a step closer to Rayan and hugged her. "Laa 3adey." Rayan said as she forced a smile.

Rayan pulled out Jenan's T-shirt and put it on with her favorite grey shorts and knee length pair of white socks. Zaina chuckled as her eyes examined Rayan, "7asait ray7a tel3been kora." she said and giggled. "Chub." Rayan said as she checked her blackberry for new notifications. She opened up the bbm chat she had with Hamad.

Hamad:
Shetsaween?

Rayan:
Ga3da m3a my friend. You?

Hamad:
Thayeg khelgey

Rayan:
Affaaa! Shfeek:(?

Hamad:
Meshtaglech:(

Rayan:
3ayaaartek-.-

Hamad:
Mo kafu:p

"Rayouun shenu hatha?" Zaina asked, interrupting Rayan's thoughts. Zaina was holding a black and white striped notebook, Rayan's personal notebook. "Wla shay. 3a6eeney eyah please." Rayan said, extending her arms to grab the notebook. Zaina sensed the tension in the air as she held the notebook and sat next to Rayan. "Shfeech? Gouliley. You can talk to me. Rayoun ma7eb ashoufech chthey. Adrey el'salfa feha Jenan. 7asa fech wallah..." Zaina said. She went quiet for a minute, gathering all the strength in her to keep talking. "Kent astanes lma ashoufkum. Mashallah teth7kooun ou t'tha7koun el'kel m3akum 7ta law ma nadrey shesalfa. Entay ma tadreen sh9ar bel'banat lma daraw. El'kel becha. 7ta el'ablaat! Kelna thag khelgna Rayan. Bas mo zain tsaween b'nafsech chthey. I'm here for you, kalmeeney!". A little droplet of tear escaped Zaina's eyes and Rayan pulled her in for a tight hug.

"Sa3at lma ytheeg khelgey ou akoun walhana 3laiha 7ail, akteb ashya2 hney." Rayan said, flipping through the pages of her notebook. Zaina remained silent, afraid she would burst into tears. "Tabeen agralech?" Rayan said, struggling to keep the smile plastered on her face. Zaina nodded, indicating that she didn't want to speak because her tears were uncontrollable.

Before reading, Rayan stood up and walked to her closet, leaving Zaina still sitting on the bed. She pulled out two silk scarves from the drawer. She sat back on her bed and handed Zaina on of the scarves. "Kan fe l3eba ana ou Jenan kela nel3abha. Etha nabey ngoul shay bas mest7een, kena nalbes scarf ou narbe6ah 3shan ma nshouf ba3ath ou kel wa7da tgoul ely bgalbha." Rayan said, looking as vulnerable as one can be. Zaina smiled at her as she tied the scarf around her eyes.

Rayan inhaled as she opened up to the last entry in the notebook. Which was yesterday's

"A friend to everyone.
A sister to me.
A beauty queen, incomparable to anyone else.
You symbolized the perfect woman, even though you weren't a day older than eighteen.
You treated me with love and care. You brought out the best in me, and showed me the beauty of the world.
We had a bond that could never be broken, inseparable.
But somehow, you were pulled away and taken to a better place. Or so I like to think.
You left me here, in the dark.
You left behind everyone you loved.
You managed to hurt everyone.
But you know what? It didn't make me love you any less.
I realized how I couldn't be myself without you.
You made me who I am today.
I don't seem to recognize myself when you are not around.
You planted faith and strength in me.
You taught me that there's always sunshine after rain, and sometimes a beautiful rainbow.
I can't help but wish I can have 10 more minutes with you.
To give you a proper goodbye.
For one last hug.
For one last smile.
The distance between you and me taught me a tough lesson.
I wake up every morning and the first thing I do is let the of you gone marinate.
I hate doing stuff without you.
It's not fair, the fact that we started this journey together, and only one of us gets to make it to the finish line.
And you don't know how much I wish it could be you instead.
I miss your voice, your laughter, your anger, your snoring, your scent, your hug, and most importantly, I miss you.
I still, and always will, mention you in my prayers.
No one can ever come close to what you meant to me.
No one.


Its not the very best, I know:p.
Feedback?:D

Confessions.27

Walking their way to Slider, Abdullah kindly asked Rayan to wait while he puts his name on the waiting list. Slider, being the "it place" for Kuwaiti's, was fully packed. Rayan knew they had to wait estimatedly for 20 minutes and she didn't seem to mind.

Pulling out her phone, she didn't notice Abdullah walking back to her. She heard the shutter of a camera and looked up to see Abdullah standing with a "Yes, I took a picture of you" look. She gasped. "Show meeee!" she said as she dodged towards the phone in Abdullah's hand. Examining the picture, she didn't look so bad. Her side part and beautiful big curls were falling on her face, covering one eye and complimenting her beautiful features.

Abdullah chuckled, "En3ijabtay b'nafsech?" he asked and Rayan smiled. "Wait adezlich eyaha." he said and Rayan just nodded. She scrolled through her timeline on twitter and realized that Hamad tweeted that he was on his way to Slider. Butterflies fluttered in her stomach but were soon vanished when the Filipino worker called Abdullah's name. He nudged her with his elbow and ushered for her to walk in front of him, "Ladies first." he whispered with a smile on his face. Rayan ran her hand through her curled hair, give it some volume before walking in.

Walking ever so gracefully and elegantly in her heels, some girls were staring at that confident girl accompanied by an attractive smiling man. Being normal Kuwaiti's, some started to whisper but it didn't matter to her. She just wanted to have a good meal and have a good laugh with Abdullah, who kept smiling like an idiot.

Once they reached their table, Rayan turned around and looked at Abdullah to ask him which seat he would like. "Ge3day entay hnak, le2ana adrey fech ma t7ebeen a7ad yshoufech ou entay takleen." he said with a chuckle as he pulled the chair for her.

After joking around with the waiter, who was very friendly, they placed their order then looked at each other with a "what now?" expression on both of their faces. "Yallaah ambeh 7adey you3anaaa!" Rayan said while rubbing her tummy. Abdullah laughed and said that he was too.

After almost 10 minutes, a waiter swifted towards them with their appetizers. Rayan looked up at Abdullah, then realized a figure  walking behind him. A tall, fit, groomed man was walking alongside a girl and then they were seated at a table. Rayan stared at that figure for mere seconds then realized the identity. Hamad.

Hamad didn't realize Rayan was right in front of him, but he took the chair that gave her his back, leaving the only other chair for his companion. It was a medium heighted girl, with blond ash hair and bangs that were dramatically covering both her eyes. The clothes on her body didn't make a good job in covering, she was too exposed. With her leggings and sleeveless tight top, Rayan wondered how she was comfortable.

The girl suddenly started laughing and extended her arm to high five Hamad. Jealousy was raging inside Rayan. She started wondering who that girl could be. Rayan's downfall was that she always wants to believe the best in people. She tried her best to fight the urge to ask Hamad who he was with, but she didn't want to look like the crazy jealous girlfriend.

Trying to focus on her meal and on Abdullah, she couldn't help but feel incomparable to that girl. She had the most beautiful big brown eyes and her full lips looked feminine, curled up in a smile. She wondered if that girl was Hamad's "type". And that was when her jealousy got the best of her.

Settling the bill and walking out of the restaurant, Hamad still didn't notice Rayan. Instead, he was having a wonderful time with Fay, not feeling the slightest feeling of guilt. At midnight, they were both back at home. Considering it was still Ramadan so it was very common for people to stay up late.

Slipping under her white duvet, her phone starting ringing. Without reading the caller ID, she picked it up. "Aloo?" she said, not being her cheerful smiling self. "Hala baba" Hamad said, stretching on his bed. The images of that girl kept popping up in Rayan's head so she settled with silence. "Te3ashaitay?" Hamad asked, she was used to this question of his. He seemed to ask about her meals everyday, making sure she got the nutrition she needed. "Ee." Rayan said, and Hamad was waiting for her to ask him if he had dinner or not. But all he heard was silence.

"Shenu te3ashaitay?" he asked. "Slider." Rayan said and Hamad almost choked on his own saliva. "9ej? 7ta ana." he said while faking a laugh. "Eeeh adrey sheftek." Rayan said coldly through the phone. "7elfay? 7safaa ma sheftich! Laish ma gelteeley!" he said. Rayan debated on whether or not she should ask about the girl who looked like one of Victoris secrets' models, but she decided not to. "Madrey. Ya3ney enta ma kent brou7ek 3shan agoulek." she said.

"Eeeh kent mwadey bent khaltey. Lawe3at chabdey ou ehia t7en." he said, thankful that explanation got to him just in time. Rayan sighed out of relief and started smiling. Hamad noticed her sudden change of mood and put the pieces together. "La7tha la7tha. Entay tawa kentay mnafsa 3balech mwa3ed?" he asked and Rayan bit her lip, not knowing what to say. "Yaa 3umrey ely ygharouuun!" he yelled through the phone and Rayan chuckled. Hamad knew Rayan was never going to suspect anything, she was too nice to ever believe the worst in him.

They kept talking on the phone for exactly 3 hours, until Hamad fell asleep. Rayan was wide awake, listening to him breathing on the other end of the phone. She pictured him sleeping innocently, with his messy hair and his arms all over the bed. She smiled as she ended the phone call and slept too.


I know I've been inactive for the past couple of weeks, but I'm hoping to change that.:D. Feedback is appreciated.x

Confessions.26

 

Pushing the door of the roof open as the heat made it way to her bare skin. It was sunset and the weather was lovely. The roof was Rayan's favorite place, it was fully equipped with decent chairs and a round table. She liked to tan on the roof so she had two tanning beds in one corner, she remembered the times when she and Jenan would listen to music on cold winter nights on the roof. They would be peacefully silent, listening to slow music.

 

She un-muted the phone call that held Hamad on the other side of the phone. "Akheeraaan! Kel hatha trou7een foug? Sul7ufat?" Hamad said and it caused Rayan to chuckle. "Chuub!" she said with a smile plastered on her face. "Enzain shga3da tsaween?" Hamad asked? "Ga3da." Rayan said. "Laaa 3ayal ana wagef t9adgeen?" Hamad said sarcastically and they both laughed.

 

Rayan rested her head and looked up at the sky. It was time for the sun to set. The sky looked like a painting of beautiful smeared colors, and pretty leftovers of  a shade of orange. It was indescribable. Her thoughts were disturbed by hamad's voice, "Enzain kamlay  salfetich." he said. "Eeeeehh..." Rayan said as she got excited, "Tekhayaal, ena Blair maskeenaa 7adhaa t7ebah ou Chuck y7ebha b3ad bas ena ma yabey ygoulaha. Fa trou7lah ou ohwa bydesh el'limo tgoulah ena I love you ou chthey bas ohwa yadgerha ou yamshey 3anhaa. Tekhayaal ambeh 7abeebey!!!"

On the other side of the phone, Hamad wasn't quite interested in Gossip girl, he just liked to hear Rayan speak. He smiled at the way she gets excited and he finds her obsession towards it kind of funny and silly. "La7tha la7tha. Shaku 7abeebech?" He suddenly said in a mad tone. Rayan stopped talking and suddenly chuckled. "Chub Hamad." She said shyly and Hamad managed to keep a straight face. "Al7een mo ohwa 7abeebech? Khala9 shaku ga3da tkalmeeny?" He said in a stern voice and Rayan thought he was serious.

"7amoud mn 9ejik?" she asked in a sad tone? Hamad laughed, "7abeeebteyyy entaayyyy." He said and Rayan chuckled shyly. "Chub wai3 zain." She said. "Entay el'youm bas geltay chub 16 marra." he said and continued laughing. "Ambeh ga3ed t3edhum?!" Rayan laughed along.

Its been a week since the first day of Ramadan, the day Hamad spotted Rayan talking to Abdullah. He was furious and thought he was a guy friend, but then Rayan had to sit him down in a place that was more quiet and explained to him who Abdullah is. Rayan saw jealousy in Hamad's eyes but he refused to admit it. She was sure of it when he asked her to put some distance between them and she said she'll try. Though she didn't want to, but she would do anything for Hamad.

She heard the faint sounds of her father calling her and excused herself, while Hamad said he was going to go to the gym. They ended the phone call and Rayan smiled to herself. She went downstairs and into her father's room. She found him sitting on the bed with his ipad in hand and his bag still wide open. "Yuba mn 9ejik? 6ayartek b3ad shway yallah bser3a!" Rayan said as she took a final glance at the things her father had packed, just to make sure he had everything he needed. "kaa bas 7awaltlech flous 3shan etha bghaitay shay ela 3endich." he said as he got up and placed his ipad inside his bag before Rayan zipped it closed.

Kissing his daughter's forehead, he asked her to take care of herself and focus on her studying. As a father, he felt a pang of guilt for leaving his daughter unaccompanied at home. But she always assured him that she needed to be independent and that she was safe at home. "Menu bywadeek?" Rayan asked as she picked up her fathers bag from the bed and placed it on the floor. "Hamadu" her father said as he unlocked his iphone. Rayan stopped for a minute, it did sound like something Hamad would do. "Ay Hamad?" she asked, trying to hide the hap pines and excitement in her voice. "Hamad el'intern ely 3endey. Ely shefteeh marra. Tathkreena?" he asked, not noticing the shy smirk on Rayan's face. "Eeeh 3araftah" she said and then drifted to someplace else with her own thoughts.

Ten minutes later, his phone rings and Rayan's heart skips a beat. "La? Yallah kaney 6ale3." her father said as he stood up, Rayan rushed to him and sank in his arms as he hugged her tight. "Yallah 3ad la tabcheen." her father said and Rayan chuckled while her head was burried in her father's chest. She pulled away as she kissed his head and said good bye. The minute her father walked out of the door, she ran to the window and stared at Hamad who got out of the car and kissed her father's forehead. Cute.

Hamad carried her father's bags and placed them in the backseat. He caught Rayan peeking through the curtains and chuckled at her. Rayan was startled and quickly hid behind the curtains and started laughing.

After taking a shower, she tucked herself under the warm sheets of her bed and booted her macbook air. She decided to shop online and buy herself some new clothing. Her phone started ringing and she lazily stretched her arms. The caller ID read Abdullah. She was torn between her best friend and her boy friend but she always told herself that no lover should get in the way of friendship.

She picked up the phone and said her hello. "Shrayech nrou7 Slider? Rayanu la tshoufeen mghater ou a7es shakley naaarrr!"  Abdullah said, full of confidence. Rayan chuckled as she pictured him, "Shrayek enta trou7 ou tyeeblina takeaway? Maley khelg." she said and Abdulla insisted on going.  She quickly got up and waved her hair into big messy curls and put on her Asymmetrical black top with her zebra printed pants. She put on the cartier love bracelet that Abdullah gave her and put on her rose gold feather earrings. She applied a light coat of mascara and winged her eyeliner and made her way downstairs.

Before sitting down, Abdullah called and told her he was outside. Right on queue. She got inside his car and looked at Abdullah. "Sh3endik mghater?" she asked with a smirk on her face. He glanced at her and said: "Tabeeney albes nafnouf ya3ney?" Rayan chuckled. "Yallah bas yallah tra 7adey you3ana." she said and Abdullah started driving.

Abdullah smoothly parked his car in a parking lot nearest to the entrance of Slider and quickly made his way to the other side of the car as he opened the door for Rayan. "Sh'hal tharabaa ely nazla 3laik?" she said and Abdullah laughed. "Khan3eesh el'dour shwaya." he said and Rayan said it sounded like a plan.

Confessions.25

She woke up in the morning as she stretched her hands and picked up her blackberry from the charger. "RAYAAN! YALLAH TRA RA7  TET2AKHERAIN!" she heard her father yell. She sighed as she unlocked her phone with one eye open. She checked her unread dm.

@Hamad: Good morning pretty:p. Have a good day at school.

She received this dm 16 minutes ago. She smiled as she wished him a good day too. Stretching her arms, thinking of her convo with Hamad last night, she couldn't help but smile. Rayan got up and put on her bunny slippers. She dragged herself to the bathroom as she took a quick cold shower.

Putting on her school uniform, she struggled with her zipper. She sighed as she walked to the living room while gathering her hair in one side. She saw her father watching a replay of last night's football match while sipping on his coffee. "Baba 9ekley el'sa7aaaaab" she said grumpily. Her father laughed at her expressions as he got up and helped her with her zipper. She smiled, like someone had used a magic wand and changed her mood. "9aba7 el'khair." she said cheerfully as she kissed his forehead. He smiled back and gave her a quick hug. "Yallah teraygay. Yebtlich 7aloum sandwich ou latte mn starbucks. Eklay bel6ereej." he said and Rayan rushed to her room to get her backpack.

In school, Rayan wasn't able to concentrate. She always found herself doodling some hearts on her notebooks or the table. She would also smile every time she remembered one of Hamad's jokes. She blushed everytime she remembered how Hamad described her beauty. He said he liked stuff Rayan never even noticed about herself. "I like how you always bite your lower lip when you're trying to stop laughing. I like the dimple on your chin. I like your hair color. I also love your laugh. I love when you examine your hair tips when you're bored ou tendamjain fehum wayed. Wla lma tsoulfeen ou tenfa3lain and your hands start flying in the air". Those were his exact words that kept running around in Rayan's mind.

Meanwhile, In the buildings of gust. Hamad was sitting in one of the tables in starbucks. He had his notepad and his books placed in front of him, and his blackberry in his hand. He decided to dm Rayan, he knew she was in school but he was sure she was going to read it sooner or later. Once he started typing, he was interrupted by a voice of a man  standing over him. Hamad looked to find Zaid.

 

Zaid was wearing a yellow button down from Ralph Lauren with bleached denim pants. His brown silky hair was left naturally, no gel or wax, and his beard was perfectly groomed. Hamad let out a breath, "Eg3ad ou enta saket." Hamad said. Zaid chuckled as he pulled a chair and sat across from Hamad. Zaid looked at Hamad and then looked at  a table full of girls almost 3 metres away. "7abeebtek." Zaid said with a chuckle and Hamad laughed. "Ehia law bas ta36eeney wayh." Hamad said and they both laughed.

 

A few hours later, Rayan was making her way through the school gates, her eyes scanning the place, looking for her driver. She spotted him and started to walk towards him. He stretched his hand and Rayan gently gave him her extra heavy backpack. After the driver placed her backpack in the front seat, he ignited the engine and drove back home.

 

Rayan rang the bell and Annie opened the door for her with a smile, the cold breeze of the air conditioner tickling Rayan's skin. "Do you want me to  take your bag to your room?" Annie asked. "No, its Oki. I'm going there now." Rayan said as she  smiled at her before climbing the stairs.

 

She entered her room and  threw herself on her bed. The first thing she did was check her phone for any new notifications. She found that she had received one new dm and she quickly checked  it.

 

@Hamad: Hey. How's school? I don't know why I found myself thinking about you in class:p.

 

Rayan smiled as she felt like the most special girl in the world.

 

@Rayan: It was good. The thought of you never left my head. Coincidence?:p

 

Just then, Hamad called.  She chuckled as she answered. "Aloo?" she said. She heard Hamad's laugh on the other side of the  phone as he asked how she has been. "I'm good,tawney rada mn el'madresa ou maley helg abadel." she said. Hamad laughed, "Yal 3ayouuz yallah badlay." he said. Rayan laughed. "Hah shfeech teth7keen? Lei hal'daraja atha7ek ya3ney?" Hamad said with a wide smile on his face. He was happy to know that he makes her laugh without even trying.

 

"Enzain Hamadu ana atghada ou akalmek Oki?" Rayan said and Hamad said he'll call her later.

 

 

2 weeks later..

 

Ramadan is the day of family gatherings. Rayan was lying in bed, bbming Hamad. Ever since the day she opened up to him, they've been doing nothing but  telling each other everything. They talk to each other 24/7. Hamad calls her before she goes to sleep and wishes her a good night. And he wakes her up every morning to wish her a good day at school. Rayan hasn't been crying because Hamad is doing an excellent job at drawing a smile on her face. Their bbm conversation went like this:

 

Hamad:

Wain betrou7een el'youm?

 

Rayan:

Fe6ourna b'bait yadtey, b3dain bait yadtey el'thanya b3dain maktab obouy msaween nafs 3asha fa barou7.

 

Hamad:

Ohh ya3ney bashoufech:D

 

Rayan:

9ej? Yaayy:D

 

Hamad:

Ee:p. 3ad i miss you..

 

Rayan:

Yal 3ayaarr:p

 

Hamad:

Wallah mn 9jey:o

 

Rayan blushed. Hamad was always this nice to her. Rayan was busy preparing for the first day of  Ramadan and Hamad was out to get his new deshdasha from the tailor. Rayan took a refreshing hot shower and stood in front of the mirror. Her hair had grown longer and she had put on some weight.

 

She sprayed some hair protection on her hair and quickly blow dried it. She decided to curl it into big loose curls with a side part and a side french braid on the other side. She slipped into her beautiful white french maxi dress which carried little details from the Kuwaiti tradition, and wore a double wrap belt and tied it into a bow. She paired her outfit with her favourite pump from Miu Miu. Rayan decided to go with simple makeup insisted of bronzer, peachy blush, thick winged eye liner and nude lipstick. She took a final look in the mirror before going to her father, who was impatiently waiting in the living room.

 

"Yah yah sh'hal zaain." her father said once he laid his eyes on his beautiful daughter. Rayan chuckled, "Yallah?" she said. Her father took a final look at her and smiled before leading the way to his car. He was proud of his daughter. She was strong, beautiful and independent. And in his heart, he knew that Jenan would have been proud of her too.

 

They first headed to her dad's side of the family to have fu6our. They had a pleasant time and Rayan was happy to see her cousins. Everyone complimented her dress and her hair. She felt confident and happy.

 

After visiting her mother's side of the family, it was time to head to her father's office for the dinner they were having. She was nervous and happy. She bbm-ed Hamad and said that she was on her way. Can't wait, Hamad said.

 

"Tra Abdullah mawjoud hnak." her father said before parking the car. "9ej?" Rayan asked in desblief.

She missed Abdullah, but she was looking forward to spending some time with Hamad. "Eeh. Ana 3azma." her father said, luckily he didn't notice the expressions on Rayan's face or else he would have suspected something.

 

Rayan walked behind her father as they both entered the building. Her eyes landed on Hamad who was looking extra attractive in his deshdasha and ghetra, looking so ingrossed in his conversation with another man.

 

"Nawaarr el'mukan." Abdullah said cheerfully and Rayan was startled. "Shfeech? Tra ma kan qa9dey akhar3ech." Abdullah said and Rayan chuckled. "Shlounech?" Abdullah asked. "Tmaam." Rayan said as her eyes were scanning the place for Hamad.

 

She thought he might have left, until her eyes met his. He had an irritated expression on his face and he didn't loo so happy to see her anymore.

 

 

Confessions.24

Hamad was quiet for a second. "Laa tgoulin chthey. Hatha ely allah katbah. Ma kentay ra7 tegdreen tghayreen shay." he said and Rayan was convinced. She let out a breathe as she said "I just miss her."  Hamad tried to cheer her up but it was no use. "Tell me what's on your mind." he said and Rayan let out a chuckle. "You don't want to know." she said. "I do." he said in response. And Rayan decided there's no harm in letting a stranger inside her head for once.

 

"Madrey. A7es law ehia lail7een mawjouda, things would be different." she said, leaving Hamad completely blank. "Shloun ya3ney?" he said. There was silence on Rayan's side, but then she spoke. "I wouldn't be talking to you ya3ney. She wouldn't let me." she said, her voice emotionless. "Ohh." Hamad said, hurt. In his head, he was making up excuses for Rayan, she's in a fragile state of mind and she shouldn't be blamed. She lost her best friend, and Hamad understood that. He didn't want to push her into saying anything anymore.

 

A million thoughts were running in Hamad's head, but they were interrupted by Rayan's sobbing. "Shfeeech?!" he suddenly said, alarmed. "Maadrey. Walhana 3laiha 7aail Hamad. Madrey shbasawey bedounha." she said in between sobs, struggling to catch her own breath. Hamad tried to think of something smart to say, but nothing came to his mind so he decided to stay quiet. "Khala9 3ayal akalmek b3dain." Rayan said after sobbing for what seemed like 5 minutes. "Laaa laa wain wain?" Hamad said, not wanting to end this phone call, not just yet.

"I don't want to say anything that might hurt you. I'm sorry, I didn't mean it." she said with pure gilt. "Laa 3adey. Mabena sorry. Mara7 asedah ou entay chthey." he said in a stern voice. Rayan let out a chuckle, "Is this you caring or just being nice?" she asked, being silly. Hamad chuckled as he said: "Laa I care."

Rayan blushed as she  replied, "Why do you care? You barely know me." she said, trying to be as nice as possible. Hamad went quiet for a couple of seconds but then gathered all the strength in his as he spoke, "Because, Rayan, I think I have a crush on you. You're beautiful mashallah. You're very nice to people and I don't think you deserve to be sad. And you shouldn't be crying, so smile." he said.

Rayan's cheeks were flushed red. She smiled like an idiot. "Thank you." she said, shy as ever. "Esta7aitay ha?" Hamad asked as they both laughed. Even when Hamad was talking to Rayan on the phone, he still couldn't stop thinking about her. He imagined her smile, the way she laughed, or how she looked around when she was shy, the way she would run her fingers through her hair when she was nervous or the way she smiled at him every time their eyes met.

Rayan excused herself and said that her father was calling her. Hamad made Rayan promise that she'll try her best to smile and be happy and believe that it happened for a reason. After they hung up, Rayan smiled, letting what just happened sink in before walking out with a dorky smile on her face. She let out a happy shriek as she walked her way to where her father was, "Shenu 3ashana?" she asked with her hand on her stomach, indicating that she's starving. "Madrey shoufay shenu tabeen. Pizza?" he asked while his eyes were still glued to his computer screen. "Eeeh! Bas enta deg e6leb, ana ast7ey." she said as she laughed, knowing that her father would laugh too, which he did.

Meanwhile, as soon as Hamad hung up, he stretched his hand as he grabbed the charger and plugged it into his blackberry. He checked his bbm notifications, scrolling through uninterestedly and deleting some broadcasts. He entered the chat with Fay, which went like this:

Fay:
7amadeny:p

Hamad:
3younaaaa?

Fay:
Can you call me? I miss you:(

Hamad rolled his eyes as he decided to call her before she gets suspicious. He had to scroll through his recently called list until he got to her number which was saved simply "Fay". After the first ring, Fay's voice sang "Aloo." To Hamad, her once beautiful voice that used to cheer him up, now feels so squeaky and annoying. "Ahlain..." he said, "Shlounech?".

"Tmam. Enta shlounek 7abeebey?" Fay asked in a dalou3a tone which is now getting on Hamad's nerves. "Ana tamam." he said. "7abeebey?" Fay said. Hamad mentally cursed himself for calling her. "Hlaa?" he said as he sighed, making it obvious for Fay that he wasn't in the mood for her lovey dovey talks. "Welaht 3laik." she said, pouting. Usually, when Fay said that, it would make Hamad the happiest man alive. But now, he feels nothing but annoyance. "7eta ana welaht 3laich 7abeebtey." he said, not really meaning it. Fay let out a dalou3a laugh, and Hamad thought it was nothing compared to Rayan's beautiful feminine laugh. "3endey kha6 thaney. B3dain adeg 3laich." Hamad said out of the blue. He never regretted lying to Fay, he would do whatever it takes to get rid of her. He didn't want to break up with her, she was a pretty girl. But he was incapable of looking past her outer beauty.

He hung up on her without saying goodbye. Fay was hurt and he knew it, but he had no intentions in apologizing to her.

Later that night, Rayan and her father were seated on the dining table, eating their pepperoni pizza silently. "Shrayech tyeen m3ay London?" her father asked and Rayan almost choked on her food, "Ma agoul la2..." she said, "Bas laish? Sh3endik? Ou meta?". They both laughed as her father explained to her that he was invited to a formal dinner by one of the engineers who once worked with him on one of his projects.

Normally, he would have taken his wife with him but now they're divorced. "Wadait awrag omey?" Rayan asked out of the blue. Her father's expressions turned from happy and excited to sad. "Eeh." he said as he looked Rayan in the eye. "Laish ma ga3adtay 3endaha?" he asked. Rayan didn't know the exact answer to that, but she knew that she wanted to stay with her father. She just shrugged her shoulders and her father didn't ask any more questions.

"El7emdillah." her father said as he pushed back his chair and stood up to leave. "Namay mbacher haa. Bacher warach madresa." he said before walking away. Rayan stood up to as she picked up the two plates and the pizza and took them to the kitchen. She then headed to her room, where she changed into her over sized sweater and some shorts. She picked up her phone as she slipped under the sheets. Her notification section indicated that she had new twitter activity.

She quickly checked them first, one was a mention from one of the spam accounts. She reported that account for spamming and then checked her dm.

@Hamad: Hey. Wanna talk? On the phone x_x. Before you sleep ya3ney:p.

She smiled at how cheesy and cute that was. She replied with: I can manage 10 minutes before bed for you:p. She then switched to bbm, not to reply to her unread conversations, but to try and calm her brain before Hamad calls. No matter how calm and comfortable she may seem, she was a nervous wreck inside. Once she saw the LED of her phone go on, her heart skipped a beat. She checked the dm as she started chuckling uncontrollably.

@Hamad: Oki tell me when to call. And stop smiling.

She smiled, its like he knew her too well when he actually didn't know a thing. She kindly asked him to call her as she put down her phone in front of her, waiting for Hamad to call. She closed her eyes and tried to calm herself. She waited for 3 minutes exactly. And then her phone started vibrating on her bed, she smiled as she pressed it against her ear. "Aloo?" she said, with a shy chuckle.

"El'salam 3laikum." Hamad said, seriousness in his tone. "3alaikum el'salam" she said in almost a whisper. "Ya36eech el3afya." Hamad said, "Allah y3afeek." Rayan replied while giggling. "Rayan?" Hamad asked, still keeping his tone serious. "Eeeh." Rayan said, and she mentally slapped herself and desperately wanted to stop giggling. "Eeeh mama ana ta7at jeeb sambosa ou falafel." Hamad said in an Indian accent, still holding his laugh. Rayan burst into laughter. Hamad laughed too and it helped Rayan loosen up.

"Shlounech?" he asked. "Tmam el7emdillah..." Rayan said after she finished giggling, "Enta shlounek?" Hamad let out a sigh, "Amana? Shloun ma a9eer zain 3gb ma asma3 hal'tha7ka ou hal9out?" he said. Rayan laughed so hard as she exclaimed: "3ayaaar." Hamad laughed too and Rayan thought that his loud manly laugh was just adorable. Hamad started asking her questions about her age, school, location, friends. "Eeeh eeh ta7qeeq." he said as they both laughed. Rayan answered all his questions and he answered hers too.  They laughed every once in a while. Hamad had a wonderful sense of humor and his personality makes everyone around him just adore him.

After spending an hour of endless laughter and silly conversations, "Kel hatha 10 minutes ha? Shoufay shkther 9arlena." he said. Rayan giggled as she pulled the phone away from her ear and her jaw almost fell. It indicated that they had spent exactly 63 minutes talking on the phone and none of them realized it. She giggled more when she heard Hamad laughing on the other side of the phone. "Yallah 3ayal akhaleech tnameen, bacher warach madresa." he said and Rayan frowned. She surely didn't want to end this phone call, but Hamad was right. "Oki..." she said, "Good night." Hamad wished her a good night too and promised he would call her tomorrow.

Rayan hung up on Hamad as she rested her head on the pillow. Tomorrow, she was gonna face the world for one more day, she had to pull through high school on her own for one more day. But tomorrow, she will have Hamad by her side, to talk to, to laugh with and just be silly with. She still didn't know if he was trustworthy. But he made her feel happy, he made her smile and laugh, he made her feel like the luckiest girl alive. And for that,she fell for him, hard.

Cofessions.23

 

Rayan walked inside her modern furnitured house and headed down the hallway, to her dad's room. She got in without knocking and found her dad lying on the bed with his iphone in his hand. "Ahlaain! Walaht 3alaich." her dad said as he hugged Rayan and tried to mess her perfectly slicked ponytail. rayan laughed as she pushed his hands away and kissed his forehead. "Gelt tabeeney asa3dek?" she asked once she sat down next t him. "Eeeh yuba abeech tsa3deeney bel'powerpoint. Ma 3endey wagt asaweeh." he said as locked the screen of his phone. "Enshallah. Abadel ou ayeek." she said as she excused herself.

 

She locked the door of her room after she got in and tossed her stuff on the bed, not caring that her blackberry almost fell on the floor. She lay down on her bed, letting out a sigh. She stayed like that for a couple of minutes then decided to help her father and get this day over with. Rayan grabbed one of her jogging pants and a tank top and put them on. She messily tied her hair in a high bun as she made her way to her dad's office, where she found him already waiting for her.

 

"Kaachh!" her father said, as his face lit up once he saw her. Rayan chuckled as she sat in his comfy leather chair. "Abeech tsaweeley powerpoint feh taqreeban 20 slides. Ou b3dain abeech tsa3deeney nakteb l'speech Oki?" her father said as he showed her the notes where he had all the information written. "Enshallah" Rayan said as she took a breath, getting ready to start. Her father playfully slapped her head, "Shasawey bedounech ana?" he said. Rayan smiled as she started working.

 

After 3 hours of inserting all the information and organizing them and timing them so her father had enough time to explain, she was done. "YUBAAAA!..." she yelled, "KHALA9T. TA3AL SHOUF.". Her father came into the office with a huge grin plastered on his face. "Wareeney." he said as he stood by Rayan and she started the powerpoint she had worked hard on.

 

He hugged after it was over and thanked her numerous times. "Shrayech ta6lbeen baskin robbins?" he asked. "Shrayek nrou7 net3asha barra?" Rayan asked back and they both chuckled. "Oki rou7ay badlay." her father said, it was his way of saying thank you. "Wla tadrey shloun?Mabey 3sha. Fe jan6a mn Marc Jacobs abeek ta6lebley eyaha." she said as she gave him her famous puppy eyes which she knew her father would never say no to. He sighed, and she knew that this was his way of saying yes. She quickly sat back in the chair as she clicked on google chrome and entered Marc Jacobs' official website. She moved the mouse and entered the "New collection" link. "Hathey." she said as she smiled at her father. It was a classic bag that was med-size shaped with rolled top handles and an adjustable shoulder strap. Her father examined the details. "Rayouna hathey feha waiting list. Met2akda tabeenha?" her father  asked and Rayan nodded excitedly. "Oki 3ayal goumay. Enshallah al7een a7e6 esmich 3al'waiting list." he said as he sat down in his warm chair once Rayan stood up. "Work your magic. Ma7eb an6er wayed." Rayan said with the puppy eyes, again. Her father laughed as he said that he will do his best.

 

She went back to her room with a smile plastered on her face, she grabbed her phone as she noticed the twitter notification. Her smile grew wider as she unlocked it and quickly checked the dm.
@Hamad: I'm free now. Awal shay, shlounech?

She replied with: Tmam el7emdillahm, how are you?. It was a minute exactly until she got her reply and she just pictured Hamad's face as he was typing it.

@Hamad: Tmam damech tmam. Enzain khalay 3anech kel hatha, gouliley shfeech?:p.

Rayan smiled, she decided to wait a couple of minutes just to get her thoughts in order. She clicked on Hamad's profile. His following were more than his followers. She checked his tweets, they were random song lyrics. She checked his avatar as she blushed for some reason. It was a picture taken in London, she recognized the streets and Harrods in the background. Hamad was wearing grey chinos with a navy pullover with the cap on his head. His smile was wide and he had his hand wrapped around his sister's shoulder. She guessed it was his sister because they looked alike. He had a well groomed beard and it made him look so good. His sister had thick black hair that reached her shoulders. They both had the same beautiful eyes and the same features. She smiled at the picture and then decided to reply to Hamad's dm.

@Rayan:  Mafeeney shay:p. Salfa 7ail 6weela.

And with that,, she pressed send. She didn't want to hurt Hamad's feelings, after all, he was only concerned.

They kept on dm'ing each other, Hamad kept asking what's wrong and Rayan didn't feel like telling the story. The dialogue went like this.

@Hamad: Betgouleen wla shloun?

@Rayan: Shlouuun?:p

@Hamad: Rayoun mn 9jey. Tell me what's wrong.

@Rayan: Hamad el'salfa 7ail 6weela. It will bore you:p.

@Hamad: Try me, please. I really want to know.

And with that Rayan felt like he cared. Like he really wants to know, and not because he's just curious. So she started typing the whole story, typing it with short sentences cause twitter does not allow more than 140 letters per dm.

@Rayan: I used to have this friend. We were so close. She was closer to me than both my parents, combined. I loved her. Kanat tyaanin 7ail ou 6ayba ou 3la neyat'haa...

@Hamad: Oki? That's good, isn't it.

No it's not, Rayan thought. and she continued typing.

@Rayan: No it's not, Because almost 2 months ago. We were in a car crash and she died. And I miss her so much. It feels like its all my fault. I shouldn't have asked her to come with me. I wish it was me. She was the good person, not me. She deserves to live more than I do. It gets so lonely, I need her as much as you need air to breathe..

She stopped typing as she felt the tears slowly trickling down her cheeks. The tears exploded in her eyes, she tried closing her eyes to keep them from spilling on her cheeks but she couldn't. She stood up as she walked around her room, trying to calm herself down. She took a look in the mirror, breathed in deeply as she slowly observed the tears make their way down. She slid down along the mirror as she cried harder and hugged her knees. She needed to breathe and calm down, and that's when she felt her phone vibrate on her bed.

She stretched her body and extended her arm as she grabbed her blackberry. She only had one new notification, and it was a dm on twitter. She opened it up and almost gasped when she read the 4 dm's Hamad had sent her.

@Hamad: Go on..

@Hamad: Wain re7tay? If you're busy, just tell me.

@Hamad: You're not crying right??

@Hamad: Rayan, your number. NOW!!!

She hesitated at first, but she had this thought in her head: that Hamad's voice would help make the pain go away. She wanted to desperately believe it. She typed in the eight digits of her number as she pressed send and tossed the phone on her bed. In mere seconds, her phone started ringing. She smiled ever so weakly as she picked it up.

"Aloo?" she said with a weak, almost unnoticeable chuckle. "Ahlain." Hamad said and his voice sounded soft, caring and concerned. Rayan kept quiet, not finding the right words to say. "La tabcheen..." Hamad suddenly said, "9ej ena ma n3aref ba3ath 3adel, bas thag khelgey 3laich wallah." and he let out a sigh. She was breathing differently, she was crying silently and Hamad noticed. "Rayouna laa tabcheen. Please. She's in a better place. Just pray for her." he said.

"Why don't you get it? It's not easy Oki! Everything reminds me of her! Wayed a7ateeha! I can't stop thinking about it! Te3aqadt Oki? Ehiaa kanat kelah tgoul tabey tet7ajab, bas allah khatha amanat'ha gbl ma tsawey ely b'kha6erha! Ballah ma teshahedat gbl ma tmout? Shtabeeney asawey Hamad? Maney gadra ansaa." she said, as she broke into tears.

Confessions.22

 

As the rays of sunlight temporarily blinded Rayan, she tried to figure out how she got here. The last thing she remembered was resting her head on the kitchen table with Abdullah by her side, and now she finds herself in Abdullah's room. She looked around and noticed a mattress on the floor,  she guessed Abdullah had slept on the floor last night. Cute.

 

Something was vibrating and it was getting on Rayan's nerve. She got up and spread her hands, feeling the bed, trying to sense what is vibrating and where. Her hands landed on a phone, she pulled it out and smiled, Abdullah must have brought it with her.

 

She quickly unlocked it as she entered the bbm application. The most recent chat was with Abdullah, he sent her numerous pings and a "good morning sunshine" text. She didn't check when that text was received, she was about to reply to it with a silly happy smile on her face but was surprised when Abdullah walked through the door. She looked at what he had in his hands, surprised. "Original latte, decaf, double shot and a 7aloum sandwech..." he said, "Bel3afia ya 7elwa." and he winked at her. Rayan's jaw almost fell. He was being nice again, he was being the old Abdullah again.

 

Rayan got up and borrowed one of Abdullah's clean tshirts. She went downstairs where Abdullah had her sandwich and latte properly served to her on the table. She remembered that she had a twitter notification that she didn't check. Stuffing her mouth with her sandwich, she slipped her blackberry out of her pockets and unlocked it. Once she opened up the twitter application and noticed that there was an unread dm, she smiled automatically. She took a deep breath as she read what the dm said.

 

@Hamad: Good morning you! Sorry I couldn't deliver my promise, your dad kept me busy haha:p. Wanna talk today? Anytime you're free, hit me up!

 

She smiled as she started typing her reply.

 

@Rayan: Good morning to you too:p. Its fine,  and yes, my dad tends to do that lol:p. I'm free for the whole day, tell me when YOU are free:p.

 

She typed as she pressed send. She started tapping her fingers on the table and shaking her leg, impatiently waiting for Hamad's reply.

Meanwhile, Hamad was pouring boiling water in his cup of insta-coffee powder. He was spending his weekend in his parent's chalet, hoping to get some fresh air and a chance to spend some time with his friend , Zaid. He grabbed hold of his mug and headed out the door to join Zaid, sitting outside on the shore. "Sa3a? Kel hatha gahwa?" Zaid asked annoyed but in a joking tone. "Eskit enta b3ad. Mo nage9 7annetek." Hamad said in reply. He sunk his feet in the sand, as he pulled his phone out of his baggy pants which he wore when he was sleeping. He checked his notifications and smiled as he saw that he had a new twitter dm. He quickly opened it and read it with a smile. "Teth7ak 7ag menu ent?" Zaid said as he snatchd the blackberry out of Hamad's hands. "Haaaa mn waraay 7amoud! Mno hathey?" Zaid asked while entering her profile and waiting for her avatar to load. Hamad quickly grabbed his phone forcefully, before Rayan's avatar loaded. "Wa7da." Hamad said. "Laa e7lif! 3blaey wa7ed! Shloun chtheyy?" Zaid said in a sarcastic tone and Hamad laughed. "Malek sheghl." he said and Zaid just kept quiet.

@Hamad: I'm free now. Awal shay, shlounech?:p

Hamad typed quickly and pressed the enter button to send. Hamad switched from the twitter application to bbm as he scrolled through his unread conversations. Most of them were this girls that didn't even interest Hamad. He was searching  for one chat particularly, he had to go through his contacts twice before he found the person he wanted to talk to. He clicked on the persons profile as his finger flew over the touch screen of his Blackberry torch and clicked on the display picture.

It was a picture of a girl, wearing red skinny jeans and a white tucked in button down top. She was wearing bold red lipstick and thick eye liner. Her face was flawless and her ash brown hair fell perfectly without her even trying. She was pouting as her big brown eyes looked straight at the camera with a hand on her hip. He sighed as he pressed the back button twice and it took him back to the his contacts list. He opened up a new chat with her as he slowly began typing.

Hamad:
Hala bel7elwa;p.

He knew he didn't have to wait long for her to reply, she was the kind of girl that had her phone in her hand all the time and quickly replies to people. It only took her a minute to reply to Hamad.

Fay:
Ahlain:p. Shlounek?x

Hamad smiled, too easy.

Hamad:
Tmam. Entay shlounech?;p

Fay:
Tmam damek tmam x

Hamad:
3saaaaaaaa;p

Fay:
Lool weyak:p

Hamad:
Fayouna mn zman mo shayfech b360.. wainech ma tbayneen?;p


Back to Rayan, she was getting ready to go back home because her father called and said that he needed her help with something. "Namay 3endna marra thanya l'sbou3 3el'yay." Abdullah said as he was standing behind her while she was fixing her hair in the mirror. "Affa 3alaik..." she said, "Cham Abdullah 3endey?" she said as she chuckled. And Abdullah actually started wondering how many men named Abdullah Rayan might know. He managed to smile at her before giving her his back and walking away.

Rayan picked up her phone to call her driver and kindly as him to pick her up, but first, she had to check the dm she got. After reading it she replied with: Tmam el7emdillah, thank you for asking. How are you? Rayan wondered what Hamad could possibly be doing, and she wondered if  her ever thought of her yesterday.

Sitting in the car, she tried digesting everything that happened with Abdullah. She realized that he cared about her, and she liked the way it felt. He made her happy, and she liked that too. It felt like Abdullah might have a thing for Rayan, but she pushed any possibilty of that out of her head as she closed her eyes and hoped for a 5 minute nap.