Confessions.29

Even though this is one of the longest chapters I've ever written in a day, it doesn't meet the standards I've set for myself. And Thank you for the get well soon wishes! Enjoy this for now:Dx

You can't help but feel more attached to someone after opening up to them, even if it was a moment of weakness. Rayan and Zaina had been spending more and more time together, and Rayan liked that. The thought of having a friend who isn't Jenan made Rayan sad and happy at the same time. She didn't want a replacement for Jenan but she couldn't deny how good it felt to have a good laugh with someone who isn't her dad or Abdullah.

"Zayouuuun" Rayan whined on the phone. Zaina huffed and puffed. "Shtabeen?" she said, giggling on the phone. Both girls laughed at the silliest stuff, they both had yearly subscriptions to Vogue magazine, both the UK and the American version. They both cheered for Real Madrid. But when it came to music, their taste differentiates. Zaina may not be the replica of Jenan. But she was something similar to it.

"T3alay ma3ana el'shalaih. Pleaasseeeeee." Rayan said, hoping to win Zaina over. Zaina went silent for a minute. "Fine. Bas khl agoul 7ag omey." she said, giving in. "Yesssss..." Rayan cheered, "Tra maku a7ad bas ana weyach ou my cousin chena betye. Bring your swimsuit!" Zaina giggled as she said Oki. All Zaina ever wanted to do was make Rayan happy, give her a reason to smile and be the shoulder Rayan needs to cry on. Zaina had nothing but good intentions in her heart, and that is what made the people around her love her too much.

Rayan had her clothes and make up on and her hair naturally curled since she had used hair mousse earlier that day, which gave her hair beachy curls and some volume. She was wearing her favorite gradient  white and purple shorts that reached exactly above the knees and her plain white tank top with a Purple jacket on top. This was her favorite look for the beach.

Opening up the last bbm convo she had with Hamad, she started typing.

Rayan:
7amouud!

Hamad:
Labbaih?

Rayan:
Sh3endik el'youm?:p

Hamad:
Dewaneya. Laish?

Rayan:
Bas as2al:p

Hamad:
Entay?

Rayan:
Barou7 el'shalaih b3ad shway:p

Hamad:
M3a menu?

Rayan:
My friend ou my cousin:p

Hamad:
Mmm. La talbseen g9eer ou have fun;*

Rayan:
Enshhallah, you too x

An hour later, Zaina called Rayan and told her she was ready for Rayan to pick her up. Rayan instantly called the driver and asked him to get the car, then called her cousin to tell her they were on their way.

Pulling to a stop in front of Zaina's house, Rayan called Zaina and told her she was waiting outside. Within 2 minutes, Zaina was stepping out of the front door, wearing grey sweatpants and a navy T-shirt with her beach bag with her. Zaina's thick curly hair waspulled into a high bun and her face free of makeup. Rayan waved at her, she stepped out of the car and gave Zaina a tight hug. "Shda3wa tawech shayfatney." Zaina said jokingly. "Ambeh mo kafuu." Rayan said as she chuckled and they both got into the car.

"Wain shalaihkum?" Zaina asked, pulling her eyes away from her iphone screen and looking at Rayan. "K290" Rayan said as she gave Zaina an evil smile. "Shfeeech? Tra bas ga3da as2al." Zaina said, laughing at the expression on Rayan's face. "Eeeh khair enshallah..." Rayan said, and then kneeled forward to the driver and said: "Rou7 starbucks enzain? Ely b6reejna."

Starbucks, came into view. And before they knew it, the driver had already parked the car in front of it and killed the engine. "Entay nezlay ana maley khelg." Rayan said to Zaina, who had no intentions in going inside alone. "Laaaa maney ray7a brou7ey. Yallah 3ad tekfain nezlay m3ay Rayouuun." Zaina said, looking at her clothes and then at Rayan's. "Zayoun ana labsa short enshallah ma anzel chthey." Rayan said, giving Zaina her famous puppy eyes. But this time, Zaina wasn't gonna give in. "Sheftay ana shlabsa? Yallah pleasseee!" Zaina said, pursing her lips. "Ufff enzain yallah."

They pushed the door open and the cold breeze of the AC tickled their skin, the place was practically empty, except for a bunch of young boys sitting in the corner, acting like men. They had cigarettes in their hands and Rayan was pretty sure it was just for show. She laughed in her head as she kept making her way to the counter. "Hi ma'am, welcome to starbucks. Can I take your order?" The Filipino employee at starbucks asked with a kind smile on his face. Rayan smiled back, "Hey, I would like a plain latte, double shot please.", she said and the employee started pressing buttons. "Plain latte, double shot..." he repeated, "What about you ma'am?" he asked Zaina. "Ha? Same. Make that two please." she said, looking startled by his question.

"Zayoun shfeech?" Rayan whisperred into Zaina's ears. "Rayan 6a3 shloun ykhezoun. Kelish mo merta7a." Zaina said, her eyes wandering around, refusing to look at Rayan's. "Tabeen trou7een el'sayara?Khala9 ana akheth l'drinks ou ayeech." Rayan said , giving Zaina a reassuring smile. "Ou akhaleech brou7ech? Are you sure?" Zaina said, not wanting to leave Rayan alone. Rayan assured her that she was going to be Oki and that she would call her if anything happened.

The moment Zaina stepped out of the door, Rayan pulled out her backberry and pressed it against her ear as she called the one person who's voice made her feel as comfortable as she could ever be. "Haa baba." he said through the phone and her heart sighed in relief. She kept quiet, not knowing what to say. "Rayouna shfeech? Mo men 3awaydech tdegeen faj2a." Hamad said, sounding worried and Rayan smiled. "La maku bas ana b'starbucks ra7al ou fe shabab fa ekhtara3t ou dagait madrey shaku." she said and laughed once she realized how stupid she sounded. "Shemwadeech?" Hamad said, making it obvious that he was annoyed. "Madrey ya3ney b6ereejna ou my friend kanat meshtahya fa gelna nrou7." she said calmly.

"Ou your friend hathey wainha? Laish mo nazla m3ach?" Hamad said, his voice rising gradually. "7amoud shfeek? La t3a9eb." Rayan said, sounding sad as a frown formed on her face. In the corner of her eye, she saw one of the boys stand up. "Ambeh gam gam." she said, her voice showing pure panic even though she looked so calm.  "Tabeen ayech?" Hamad asked. Hamad had a thousand girls in his life, but when it came to Rayan, she was his and only his. He didn't want her to be seen or touched by anyone else. She was too pure and innocent.

"La shda3wa malah da3ey. Bas khalek 3al'kha6 m3ay." she said, and Hamad realized how much she needed him. "Enzain soulfay, la ta36eenah majal." he said. Rayan opened her mouth to speak but was cut off by a voice behind her. "Shda3wa seddeeh 3a6eena wayh" the boy said, his voice creepy. Rayan slightly turned her head around to look at him. He was shorter than she was, wearing beige shorts and a white T-shirt. His face free of any facials and the cigarette in his hands was put out but still he carried it around.

"7egreeh." Hamad's voice brought her back to reality as she chuckled. "Adrey." she said. Rayan noticed that their drinks was taking too long. "Exuse me, can you hurry up please?" she asked the employee, indicating that she was in a rush. "Rayan shrayech tgoulilah ohwa eyeblkum l'drink bel'sayara etha khale9aw?" Hamad said. "La ka khale9aw." Rayan told him as the employee placed the two drinks on the pick up table. She used her shoulder to press the phone against her ear and picked up the two drinks. "M6awla?" Hamad asked. "La ka bas a7e6 sugar ou amshey" she said, struggling to keep the phone in place. "Yallah khoush." Hamad said.

"Khalay 3anech el'thgel yallah yuba" the creepy dude said again, standing close to Rayan, leaning on the table. "Hatha mo nawey yfech? Yallah Yallah al7een ayech" Hamad said angrily and Rayan froze in her place."7amoud sheyeebik jlai3a?! La ka khala9t al7een ba6la3" she said and the boy had a mini heart attack and his face expressions changed from stubbornness to fear. "asfeen 3al'ez3aj" the boy said as he walked away from Rayan.

Rayan chuckled, "Ambeh khag'haaa" she giggled. "Ma baghaina! Ou entay ou b3dain m3ach? La ashoufech tanzleen brou7ech marra thanya!" he said, a hint of jealousy in his tone. "Tghar?" Rayan bravely asked. "Chub chub." Hamad laughed on the other end of the phone and Rayan took that as a yes. "Enzain yallah ou9al el'shalaih ou akalmek Oki?" she said, excusing herself. "Oki. deeray balech ou 6amneeney 3laich." he said and they both ended the phone call with smiles on their faces.

They were back on the road, each silently scrolling through their timeline. 99.7 playing through the speakers but they weren't paying any attention to it. Until I'm yours by The Script started playing and Rayan felt like the song was for her.

Rayan breathed in every word, the chorus watered her eyes. It went like this:
"I may not have softest touch.
I may not say the words as such.
Though I may not look like much.
I'm yours.
And though my edges may be rough.
I never feel like I'm quite enough.
It may not seem like very much,
But I'm yours."

Every song described the way she felt, she thought it couldn't get any better. Until she heard the second verse.
"You heal these scars over time.
Embraced my soul, you loved my mind.
You're the only angel in my life.
The day news came, my best friend died,
My knees went weak and you saw me cry,
Say I'm still the  soldier in your eyes."

Hamad may have not been there when it all happened. But if he was, Rayan knew he wouldn't let her suffer alone. He would stand by her, hold her hand and tell her she's gonna be Oki.

After googling the lyrics and finding out it was by The Script, she dedicated it to Hamad. Kindly asking him to listen to it, and Hamad didn't hesitate to download it right away.

Losing track of time, the two girls found themselves driving through the gates of the shalaih. "Ra7 akaayeffff." said Zaina as she stepped out of the car. She looked around, taking it all in. It was a huge piece of land with a paved way that led to a shaded corner, where the cars stood. There was a 2 story building and a garage, where all the Jet Ski's and dirt bikes were parked.

Rayan led the way into the shalaih and Zaina followed. In front of them was a huge living room, with 8 single couches pointed to a television pinned on the wall in one corner, and another smaller television with all the PlayStation and Xbox wires attached to it in the far other corner. "Kel shay jedamech, ou hnak e;'ma6bakh." Rayan said, pointing at the modern kitchen and the bar table with 5 high chairs. There was a tall rectangular table right in front of the kitchen, and they were separated by a wall and a door.

"Tabeen awareech ely barra al7een wla tbadleen awal?" Rayan asked Zaina, and she said she wanted to change first. Rayan threw herself on the couch and took of her jacket as she pulled out her blackberry. Deciding to bbm Hamad, his profile picture caught her eye.

 It was a group picture of a volunteering committee, which consisted of almost 6 girls and 2 guys. Hamad was standing in the middle and a girl had her arms on his shoulder and it almost seemed like his arm was on her hip. She decided to ignore it and bbm him anyways.

Rayan:
We9alna. Banazel el'jet ski's b3ad shway.

Hamad:
Aku shabab?

Rayan:
Eeh ya3ney shalaih shrayek enta?

Hamad:
La maku.

Rayan:
Haw laish? Ambeh enshallah mo ana ma astanes 3shan "aku shabab"

Hamad:
Shfeech entay? Te7achay 3dl. Ou ana ma asawey chthey ela le2aney aghar.

Rayan:
Ee Oki.

Hamad instantly called Rayan. She hesitated at first then quickly stepped out before Zaina got out of the bathroom. "Aloo?" she said, pressing the phone to her ears. "Entay shfeech? La tnafseen 3la affay!" said Hamad, obviously annoyed. Rayan kept silent. She didn't want to let her jealous emotions get the best of her, but it was too late. She sighed, not wanting to say anything. "Ma tet7achain? Enzain shfeech mnafsa ekhtey?" He said, breathing heavily. "La maku. A9lan 3adey t9awer m3a banat ou tlemhum chthey." she said, jealous.

Hamad was known for his quick convincing responses. "Afteitay mn 3endich 9a7? Entay law sa2la chan geltlich ena hathoul banat khalatey." he said, full of confidence. "Oki 7ata law banat khalatek! Shda3wa chthey lazga feek! Laish ma teg3ad b7ethnik b3ad mo a7san?" she said, her voice rising but she managed to keep it down. "B7esbat khawatey hathailaaa!" he roared through the phone but Rayan stood her ground. "Eeeh Oki khala9 3ayal ana barou7 ag3ad b7ethen weld khaley ou alemah ou agoulek b7esbat okhouy ou bashoufek ma t3a9eb Oki?" she said.

"Saweeha ou shoufay shy9eer." he said, threatening. "Laaa wallah? Shbetsawey?" Rayan said, liking the fact that there's nothing he can possibly do. "Mashey Rayan, Mashey. Khalech 3la suwalfech hathey." he said, ending the phone call. Not giving Rayan the chance to speak.

She sighed heavily, she started having second thoughts. Maybe she was wrong, maybe she was overreacting. And she should have asked before making assumptions. She settled on giving him some space and then talking to him later. This was their first fight. And Rayan didn't like getting on the nerves of other people. She felt a pang of guilt and sadness, but refused to show it for the sake of keeping it away from Zaina.

She turned around and noticed a figure who was standing next to the door, was now suddenly rushing inside. Zaina must have accidentally eavesdropped and overheard their conversation. Or probably Rayan's side of the conversation.

Rayan had a lot of explaining to do.