Confessions.30

Sorry for the delay. I have been quite busy, but not to worry, I'm here now and inspired.:p Have fun readinggg:p


She stood in place, her feet glued to the ground. Her heavy heart made her numb, she was upset and sad. She dragged her feet slowly into the shalaih, her eyes fell on Zaina, who was sitting crossed legged on the couch and examining her fingernails. She heard the door swing open and didn't look up at Rayan. The one thing Rayan wished for was a hug full of adoration, but she knew it was nothing but wishful thinking.


Zaina looked like she was deep in thought, not wanting to speak. But her eyes were pleading for an explanation. An acceptable reason, a story behind the argument she had overheard. "Zayoun..." Rayan said softly, her voice showing guilt alongside shame,"sem3eeney please." Zaina moved a few inches, making enough space for Rayan to sit next to her. "Shesalfa?" Zaina asked in a cold tone. Rayan kept silent, gathering her strength and organizing her thoughts. "Gouliley Rayan!" she said again, this time demanding a straightforward answer.


Letting out a deep breath, Rayan opened her mouth. The words slipping out of her mouth, "Shagoulech Zayoun? Wallah madrey shagoul.. Atwaqa3 entay ely sema3teeh kafey." she said, her gut not strong enough to look Zaina in the eye.  "Mn 9ejich? Rayan entay mo chtheyy. Laish fahmeeney laish?" Zaina said. Rayan knew her friend was only worried about her, she wanted the best for her. And that caused the feeling of guilt in Rayan's chest to rise and ascend from the ocean of mixed feelings.


"Zayoun wallah madrey ya3ney..." Rayan started to speak, but the river of tears got in the way. Zaina didn't hesitate to throw and arm around Rayan as she pulled her closer and caressed her hair. "Bas khala9 7abeebtey, ma 3alaih." Zaina whispered into the ears of Rayan, who was weak and vulnerable at that moment. Her breathing getting heavier by the minute, and the pain in her heart spreading, opening scars and wounded cuts.

Rayan was always the strong person, always full of life and cheerful. The only person who can see clearly through all these walls and borders was Hamad, and now Zaina. She saw the remains of the unhealed wounds and felt the pain. She saw the weakness and insecurities in her very clearly.


Zaina started calming her down, wiping away her tears and telling her that its gonna be Oki. She assured her that she wasn't gonna leave until she made sure Rayan was Oki and smiling again. Tears dried, and her heart ached. Zaina told her to take a nap for an hour, and she volunteered to make lunch. Rayan hugged her and thanked her for everything she has done.


Hamad, on the other side of Kuwait, was sitting in his friend's Duwaneya. Everyone was playing cards while Hamad was drifted away, carried by his  own thoughts to another place. "7maaid!" Zaid, Hamad's friend, yelled.  "Khaair? Shtabey?" Hamad said while laughing, masking the worry and pain her carried around. He was afraid he might have hurt Rayan. He couldn't bare imagine tears flowing down her beautiful cheek, and knowing he was the reason behind them."Shfeek sar7aaan? Laykouun 7abaitlek mn waranaa!" Zaid teased, his long dark hair messier than ever. "Laa ya m3awed! Eskit bas 7adey maley khelg el'essay ou ma sawait el'assigment." Hamad said, rubbing the back of his neck then stretching both his hands.

"Shnaa6er ent? Tra due at 12!" Zaid said, his eyes widening at his careless friend. Hamad looked at his watch, 3:29. "Taw el'naas, yamdeeney wallah." Hamad said, he stood up and grabbed the remote and started switching the channels. Zaid shook his head in disappointment.


"Rayan 7abeebtey..." Zaina said, slowly shaking Rayan in the purpose of waking her up, "goumay el'sa3a 9arat 6." Rayan lifted her hand and covered her eyes, her thoughts came drifting back and the pain rose again. "Yallah al7een agoum." she said in almost a whisper and Zaina walked to the kitchen.


One thought kept on flipping and spinning in Rayan's head; has Hamad talked to her yet? She stretched her hand and started feeling the table next to her, too lazy to open her eyelids. She picked up her blackberry and typed in her password. The first thing she did was enter the Bbm application and scroll down to the last conversation she had with Hamad. She found nothing from him.


Disappointingly, she checked his twitter account. She scrolled through his random tweets, trying so hard to read between the lines. One tweet caught her eye, and it triggered a million questions.
أنوتثك ملكي لوحدي.. و رجولتي حلالك(L)<3.


Rayan knew for a fact that her name doesn't start with the letter L, nor does it contain it. Her eyes started to burn but she decided she wasn't going to cry over him anymore. She heard Zaina's voice calling her, asking her to come have late lunch. She pushed herself up from the couch she was sleeping on and walked til Zaina was in sight. "Yaahh yahh shenu hatha?" Rayan said, her eyes scanning the plate of pasta placed in front of her. "Maku sheghl gelt asaweelich pasta. Choud takleen mthel el3alam." Zaina said as she chuckled. "3aad ree7tah 3ajeeba! Teslam eedich Zayoun!" Rayan said, her stomach making funny noises out of hunger. Both girls giggled as they enjoyed their light delicious meal.


Half an hour later, the were full and satisfied. "3wafey." Zaina said, winking at Rayan who smiled shyly and said "Allah y3afeech". They picked up their plates and placed them at the sink for them to wash later on. No matter how many times Rayan smiled or laughed, she couldn't stop thinking of Hamad and that tweet.


It killed her to imagine him with someone else. Someone else making him laugh. Someone else complimenting his choice in clothing. Someone else enjoying the sound of his voice. Someone else embracing his love. She started doubting his integrity, and blamed herself for not being good enough.