Confessions.28

With the end of the semester right around the corner, Rayan hated her time spent in school buildings. She hated the constant reminder of Jenan and how everything had a certain memory attached to it, even the teachers. She longed to go back home and talk to Hamad. Her exams were sucking all the energy she ever contained in her, but she fought to keep her own dream and Jenan's alive. She was part of the graduation staff in her school and it took up too much of her time.

"Enzain ay loun el'roub?" asked Zaina, Rayan's classmate and friend who had grown closer to Rayan each day. She was also one of the staff so they spent most of their time together. "Shrayech 3elmey yalbesoun a7mar ou adabey azrag?" suggested Rayan. The staff, who was made of 4 girls including Rayan and Zaina, was quiet for mere seconds then Jawa spoke. "Laish lounain? Ma t7eseen 7ousa?" she said and the fourth girl,  Fatma, nodded.

"Bel3aks! Naqsem el9ala ne9ain, y9eer ne9 7ag banat 3elmey ou ne9 banat adabey bas ydeshoun m3a b3ath. Ou nwaze3 el'awadem 3la 6awlat ely t9eer 6weeela ou 3la shakel musta6eel. 3araftouhum? Ou n7e6 white roses 3al el6awlat. Ou nyeeb caterers 7ag el3asha." Rayan said as her hand movements explained what she meant. The girls had impressed smiles on their faces and they agreed on that. "Taboun ashouf khaya6 eye el'bait 3shan yakheth el'maqasat?" Fatma said. The girls looked at each other, "Haw la laish ma yrou7 bait Rayan. Bait'ha akbar ou mukanah ybayen 3adel ya3ney musta7eel a7ad ythee3." Jawa said and Rayan was Oki with it. In Fatma's head, she knew Jawa was right. Rayan lived in a huge modern designed house. "Eeeh Oki 3adey. Ana obouy msafer so maku a7ad bel'bait." Rayan said. They all agreed on the date and they informed the girls about the fitting.

She sat there in 7th period, English. Zaina by her side, half asleep. Rayan nudged Zaina's shoulder,"Shtabeeeen?" Zaina hissed and Rayan chuckled. "Bagey 5 degayeg." Rayan whispered and Zaina replied with a "finallyyy."

The chime of the bell was like a pump of energy drink in both Rayan and Zaina's system. They stood up cheerfully and walked out of the classroom. "Maley khelg ared el'bait." Zaina said with a frown on her face. "Zayoun, shfeech?" Rayan asked concerned. Zaina sighed, "Tehawasht m3a omey ams." she said with a voice full of pain and sorrow. "Laish? 3ad entay omech 7ail tyaanin la tza3leenha!" Rayan said, surprised from the fact that they could ever have an argument.  Zaina just shook her shoulders, indicating that she didn't want to talk about it. "Enzain shrayech trdeen m3ay? Maku a7ad bel'bait. and I could really use some company." Rayan said and Zaina's face instantly brightened. "Oki bas agoul 7ag okhuy ygoul 7ag omey." Zaina said as she chuckled.

After Zaina called her brother and informed him that she was going home with Rayan, they both headed to Rayan's driver. He greeted them with a smile as they both got in the car. "Ebraheem 7e6 99.7!" Rayan said as she rested her head on Zaina's shoulder.

The upbeat introduction of Rock me by One direction started playing through the speakers of the car. "Allaaaahh!!!" Zaina shrieked which caused Rayan's heart to skip a beat. "Way3aaa!" Rayan said, and as soon as Zaina realized that she scared her, they both started laughing. "Oh my my, they can never shut us down!" Zaina sang, her voice not any louder than the radio's. "I used to think that I was better alone. Why did I ever want to let you goooo?" Rayan sang at the top of her lung's, leaving Ebrahem to chuckle at both the girls.  "Under the moonlight as we stared at the sea." Zaina continued, as she smiled at Rayan. "THE WORDS YOU WHISPERED, I WILL ALWAYS BELIEVEEEE!" Rayan sang ever so loudly. They both broke down laughing, then gathered all the strength they had to sing their favorite line: "I want you to hit the pedal, heavy metal, show me you care."

The rest of the ride consisted of them singing to the songs they know on the radio and then laugh until they both started tearing. They stepped out of the car, grabbing their backpacks and walking through the garden and standing at the door. "3ad tadreen 9outech 7elu." said Zaina as Anne opened the door and greeted both of them. Rayan chuckled, "Wayed galouley." she said.

"Emshay khanbadel. Shakla entay nafs my size. T3alay shoufay shay talbseenah." said Rayan as she walked her way up the stairs and into the hallway which led to her room. Their feet sliding over the recently cleaned marble floors, they both stood at the top of the stairs. Rayan took a deep breath as Zaina looked around. In front of Zaina was a basic living room, with purple couches, an LED plazma TV screen and simple white wallpapers covering the wall. Rayan took the a step forward and then turned to the right, "Laish mo hney?" Zaina asked, pointing at the closed door to her left.

Inhaling deeply, "Ma7ad yrou7 hnak al7een." Rayan said and left the unsolved pieces for Zaina to put together. "Wee..." Zaina said, "Ambeh asfa wallah ma kent adrey."  Zaina took a step closer to Rayan and hugged her. "Laa 3adey." Rayan said as she forced a smile.

Rayan pulled out Jenan's T-shirt and put it on with her favorite grey shorts and knee length pair of white socks. Zaina chuckled as her eyes examined Rayan, "7asait ray7a tel3been kora." she said and giggled. "Chub." Rayan said as she checked her blackberry for new notifications. She opened up the bbm chat she had with Hamad.

Hamad:
Shetsaween?

Rayan:
Ga3da m3a my friend. You?

Hamad:
Thayeg khelgey

Rayan:
Affaaa! Shfeek:(?

Hamad:
Meshtaglech:(

Rayan:
3ayaaartek-.-

Hamad:
Mo kafu:p

"Rayouun shenu hatha?" Zaina asked, interrupting Rayan's thoughts. Zaina was holding a black and white striped notebook, Rayan's personal notebook. "Wla shay. 3a6eeney eyah please." Rayan said, extending her arms to grab the notebook. Zaina sensed the tension in the air as she held the notebook and sat next to Rayan. "Shfeech? Gouliley. You can talk to me. Rayoun ma7eb ashoufech chthey. Adrey el'salfa feha Jenan. 7asa fech wallah..." Zaina said. She went quiet for a minute, gathering all the strength in her to keep talking. "Kent astanes lma ashoufkum. Mashallah teth7kooun ou t'tha7koun el'kel m3akum 7ta law ma nadrey shesalfa. Entay ma tadreen sh9ar bel'banat lma daraw. El'kel becha. 7ta el'ablaat! Kelna thag khelgna Rayan. Bas mo zain tsaween b'nafsech chthey. I'm here for you, kalmeeney!". A little droplet of tear escaped Zaina's eyes and Rayan pulled her in for a tight hug.

"Sa3at lma ytheeg khelgey ou akoun walhana 3laiha 7ail, akteb ashya2 hney." Rayan said, flipping through the pages of her notebook. Zaina remained silent, afraid she would burst into tears. "Tabeen agralech?" Rayan said, struggling to keep the smile plastered on her face. Zaina nodded, indicating that she didn't want to speak because her tears were uncontrollable.

Before reading, Rayan stood up and walked to her closet, leaving Zaina still sitting on the bed. She pulled out two silk scarves from the drawer. She sat back on her bed and handed Zaina on of the scarves. "Kan fe l3eba ana ou Jenan kela nel3abha. Etha nabey ngoul shay bas mest7een, kena nalbes scarf ou narbe6ah 3shan ma nshouf ba3ath ou kel wa7da tgoul ely bgalbha." Rayan said, looking as vulnerable as one can be. Zaina smiled at her as she tied the scarf around her eyes.

Rayan inhaled as she opened up to the last entry in the notebook. Which was yesterday's

"A friend to everyone.
A sister to me.
A beauty queen, incomparable to anyone else.
You symbolized the perfect woman, even though you weren't a day older than eighteen.
You treated me with love and care. You brought out the best in me, and showed me the beauty of the world.
We had a bond that could never be broken, inseparable.
But somehow, you were pulled away and taken to a better place. Or so I like to think.
You left me here, in the dark.
You left behind everyone you loved.
You managed to hurt everyone.
But you know what? It didn't make me love you any less.
I realized how I couldn't be myself without you.
You made me who I am today.
I don't seem to recognize myself when you are not around.
You planted faith and strength in me.
You taught me that there's always sunshine after rain, and sometimes a beautiful rainbow.
I can't help but wish I can have 10 more minutes with you.
To give you a proper goodbye.
For one last hug.
For one last smile.
The distance between you and me taught me a tough lesson.
I wake up every morning and the first thing I do is let the of you gone marinate.
I hate doing stuff without you.
It's not fair, the fact that we started this journey together, and only one of us gets to make it to the finish line.
And you don't know how much I wish it could be you instead.
I miss your voice, your laughter, your anger, your snoring, your scent, your hug, and most importantly, I miss you.
I still, and always will, mention you in my prayers.
No one can ever come close to what you meant to me.
No one.


Its not the very best, I know:p.
Feedback?:D