Confessions.36

She said her cold good bye to her father, and threw herself on the nearest couch to the door. Her eyes avoided Hamad's, and he seemed to do the same. No smiles, nothing. Rayan's thoughts carried her away, and she drifted into a storm. She was unsure of her feelings. Were they emotions of emptiness because her father is now gone? Or were they anger and shots of pain because of Hamad's words, slicing into her chest? Or were they feelings of being misplaced, like no one will ever understand her, her feelings, her sorrows and her fragile heart and mind?


Rayan unwillingly cried herself to a nap on the couch, unaware of her uncomfortable position. An hour later, she was awakened by the soft touch on her shoulder, and a voice mumbling her name. Her eyes forced themselves open to see Abdullah standing in front of her, in his deshdasha and messy hair. "Shfeech? Laish nayma hney? Fech shay?" he showered her with questions out of concern. She rubbed her eyes like a child and a smile was drawn on Abdullah's face. "Shfeek?" she asked as she stretched, and Abdullah's smile turned into a grin. "Shenuuu?" she whined and he chuckled this time. "Wala shay, bas 7asaitech yahel." he said and Rayan just smiled.


"You3anaa?" Abdullah asked as he placed his ghetra on the couch, and Rayan nodded. "Tewaqa3t. Yebtlich pizza." he said. Rayan got up and stretched again. "Chan zain ysawoun jehaz  ymaq6ek ou khala9." she said randomly and Abdullah chuckled. "Yal3ayouz t3alay eklay ou bas." he said and they both chuckled.


After dinner, Abdullah threw himself on one of the couches in the living room. "Tabey ayeeblik mn hdoum obouy 3shan tbbadel?" Rayan asked before sitting down across from him. "Laaa yubaa thakarteeney t3alaayy bagralech she3er 9arlah cham youm y7ous b'mukhey." Abdullah said and Rayan smiled. "Allaah radait takteb!" she exclaimed happily and Abdullah smiled at her. "3aaad ne6reeney adesh bel'mazaj" he said and Rayan chuckled. "Yallaah pleaasseee." she said, pulling off her puppy eyes that always worked, always.


Abdullah got up as he ran his hand through his hair. Clearing is throat, he burst into laughter. "Laa tkhezeeney chthey." he said as he caused her to chuckle. "Wallah 7adey mestansaa mn zmaan mo sam3tek talqey she3er." she said and Abdullah smiled.


Taking a deep breath, he pulled out a piece of paper. His eyes started reading but his mouth wouldn't open. He looked up at Rayan, "Shrayech tegrainah? Maley khelg agoul." he said as he sighed along with a slight chuckle. Rayan let out a breath as she got up and grabbed the paper. "Shfeek ya3ney mest7ey?" she said and they both burst into laughter. "Enshallah ma ast7ey menich, entay wa7ed mn el'rabe3." he said, and Rayan smacked his arm. "Sheftay shlouun!" he said and she laughed again.


She sat cross legged on the couch and started reading...

دعــي عينيــك تخبرني عن الدنيـــا وما فيــها

وكيف الرمش يحفظـها وكيف الدمــع يرويـها

وكيف السحــر يسكنها ويسبــــح في مآقيــها

ففي عينيـــك أغنيـــــة أعبـــر عن معانيــــها

تحرك غــــــــادة الفكـر فأنهـــل من أراضيــها

وأصنـــع حولـها سوراً علي جنــــــات واديها

ولـو كـــل الذي صغــت من الفكــــر لأرويـــها

تفتــــت في ربا الكــون حناناً سوف يسقيـــها

جمال الله فــــي الأرض تجســـد في أراضيــها

دعوني أبدع الوصـــف لعــل الوصـف يحكيها

دعوني أنشـــــد الشعـر وألزمه نواصيــــــــها

وأرسم صــورتي فيــها وأغزل من قـوافيـــها

والثــــــم أية الحســــن ربيعاً طل من فيـــــها

وأصبح رغــم عن أنف هواءاً سابحاً فيـــــها

فأسلكــها علي شغـــف وأرتــــع في بواديـها

وأسعــــد أنني صـــرت وقــــوداً كي يغـذيـــها

كــــــأن الله أهلكــــــني وبعثي حين أفديــــــها

فمن منكـــــم علي عـلم بما في سحـــر ناديـها

بها صـــدر علي خصـر سيهلكـــــني وينجيـها

فكيـــــف الله يحـــرقها وآيـــة خلقـــــه فيــها

بها ثغر إذا ابتـسمــــت ذكـــــرت الله باريــها

بديع الصنـــــع ستـرها بأنــــوار تغطـيــــــها

ولـــولا الله يأمـــــــره لخــاف المـوت يأتيها

(I own nothing. Credit goes to its rightful owner)


"Ambeh 3ajeeeeeeb." she said as she looked up to look at Abdullah. "9ej?" Abdullah asked, his face lighting up with a huge smile. "Eeh 7ail! 3baaaid akhaff 7abait mn warayyy!" Rayan said, teasing him. "Laa wain bo 7amoud ana law a7eb ent awal wa7ed agoulah." he said and Rayan threw the cushion at him. "Sheftay el'defasha? Ou tloumeeney?" he said and she didn't hesitate to aim another cushion at him.

"Haaa 7ag menu 3ayaal?" she asked, winking dramatically at him. He roared with laughter, "6a3 hathey! Mo anaa 3baid ely atkharfan ou akteb she3er 7ag wa7da! Ana ma tkharfenneyy ela el'waldaa." he said and Rayan laughed.


They spent the remaining of the night fooling around, and being the same Rayan and Abdullah they always were.


Abdullah had his own charm. His smile was like a light in the window, that tells her that there is a caring person inside. His presence helped her forget about all the pain she carried in her chest and she just smiled. He helped her overcome the difficulties of being without Jenan, and at the same time, he overcame his own.


But Rayan didn't know that he felt his heart skip a beat when she told him the poet was good. He wondered if she knew it was about her, or if she knew that she was his inspiration, his source of joy. To him, loving her was like drowning in a tub full of honey. It was suffocatingly sweet.


Did you ever fall for someone you know you shouldn't?
Try hard to fight your feelings, but you just couldn't?
You fall deeper with each passing day, But try to hide it in every possible way.
She's only a friend, and nothing else...
That's the lie you keeping telling yourself.
You keep on saying she's just a bud, But deep inside, you're falling in love.
You get so giddy when you meet her eyes, But keep reminding yourself it isn't right.
A simple glance turns into a stare, But you pretend that you don't care.
It's not right for you two to be. Is that why you hide it so no one can see?
But how long will you pretend? Keep lying that she's just a friend?
Perhaps your feelings you can never show.
Perhaps it's wrong for her to know.
Your friendship can't be risked over this,
So being her man is an impossible wish...


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Short? If it is, then I'm sorry.:p
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