Confessions.37

This is for @Kibuki_. Happy late birthday LOL:p I love youu<3

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The smell of pancakes and brewed coffee tickled her nostrills. she opened her eyes and found Abdullah sitting on one of the knotted chairs she had in her bedroom, with a plate in his hands and watching Grey's anatomy on the TV. "Aham shay enik 3azem rou7ek." she said as she stretched. He turned around, "El'nas tgoul 9aba7 el'khair. Mo kafu el'wa7ed ysaweelich pancakes." he said as he turned his head back to the TV screen. She chuckled, "Shda3wa enta ely msaweehum." she said. He turned his head back to her, "Mo ana ely gayelaha tsawey? Khala9 chub. Ou b3dain oush kesartay rgubtey." he said as he stuck out his tnogue.


"Enzain e6la3 bagoum aghasel ou albes." she said. Abdullah switched off the TV and got up as he carried his plate with him. "Lma tkhal9een t3alay ta7at ou yeebay aklech m3ach, bakalmech b'mawthou3." he said and then left the room.


Rayan pushed away the covers and froze for a moment. Her mind played flashbacks from last night and she smiled.

At a very late hour of the night, Rayan found herself tossing and turning, unable to sleep. She picked up her blackberry and scrolled down her timeline, and s certain tweet caught her eye. Hamad had tweeted saying "Can't sleep. #guilt.". With no hesitation, she dialed his number which she had memorized by heart and pressed the phone against her ear. She anticiapted hearing his voice, telling her he loves her and he doesn't want to be mad at her anymore.


He greeted her with his sleepy voice, the voice that made her melt everytime. "Laish mo nayma?" he asked and Rayan sighed. "Madrey, mo yayney noum." she said and Hamad sensed the hurt in her voice. "Thayeg khelgich?" he asked and a huge lump started foming in her throat. "Hamad.. mabeek t3a9eb wla tez3al 3alay. Please efhamney wallah mo met3awda 3ala hal'suwalef ou akhaf." she said and stopped to take a breath.


"7ayatey mo m3a9eb wla za3lan wallah! Bas khla9 la tabcheen 3shaney." he said, making her feel a lot better. She remained quiet, she was concentrating on his breathing, hoping it would make the tears go away. "Baba?" he said, his voice ever so soft and comforting. "Hlaa" she whispered. Hamad smiled, "I need you to trust me." he said, his english so fluent it made Rayan's heart melt. She sighed, "I trust you 7amoud wallah, bas akhaaf ya3ney I've never done these stuff." she said, her tears spilling down her cheeks against her own will.


"Tkhafeen mn shenu 7ayatey? Ana ma3ach, ana bakhaf 3alaich akthar mn ma entay tkhafeen 3la nafsech. " he said and Rayan's heart skipped a beat. He commenced the fluttering of butterflies in her stomache. She smiled and said: "I know."


"Ashoufech estanastay." Hamad randomly commented and she chuckled. "Mo kel youm nesma3 hal'kalam el7elu." she said  and Hamad laughed. "7ayatey entay tadreen eney lamma a3a9eb ma ashouf ely jedamey, ma 3alaih la tez3leen." he said and Rayan stopped him from continuing. "3adey ma 9ar shay." she whispered, but her heart ached every time she remembered his words.


She smiled to herself, her grin growing everytime she replayed his voice in her head. She changed into and oversized T-shirt and her sweat pants and walked downstairs with her plate and coffee.


"Akheeran! Sa3a?" Abdullah yelled from the living room. She turned around and smiled at him, "Haw shenu ba3ad ma aghasel?" she said.


Seated at the kitchen table, they were sitting across from each other. Rayan was scrolling through her bbm and reading random broadcasts, then she sighed when she read one in particular.

Zaina:
GIRLS! La tensoun elyoum elfitting 7ag roub eltakharuj!
Please be there or else you will be asiged to a random size.
We will be in Rayan alx's place from 4 to 8 o'clock.
Adress: ....................
Please broadcast this to your fellow classmates, seniors only!
See you there:D


"Shfeech sh3endich?" Abdullah asked while stuffing his mouth with pancakes. "Elyoum elbanat beyoun 3shan elkhaya6 yakheth maqasat'hum." she said as she mixed some sugar with her now cold latte. "Maqasat shenu ba3ad?" Abdullah asked, furrowing his brows. She chuckled at the expression on his face, "7ag roub el'takharuj." she said.


"Eeeehh ta3aaal entay akher senaa haaa!" Abdullah exclaimed, his voice louder than usual. Rayan's face was blank, "Mn 9ejik? Tetghashmar 9a7?" she asked. "Shdaraney ba3ad nesait." he said with a chuckle.


But Rayan didn't know that he had her memorized. He remembers everything she tells him, even the little things about her. Like how she hates letting her hair down for school. Or if she's wearing her hair in a messy bun, it means she's not having the best day. He also knew her favorite shade of blue, and her favorite brands. He took mental pictures of her everytime she smiled. To Abdullah, loving her has become second nature now. It was the best feeling in the world. He woke up everyday with her name on his mind. He thought about ways to prove that his love was pure and true.


"3baaid!" she said, interruting his thoughts. "Ma3aaaachhhh!" he said, acting as if he was listening carefully. "Enzain fa enta gbl elsa3a 4 b'shway rou7 foug 3shan elbanat yakhthoun ra7at'hum." she said as she picked up her plate and placed it in the sink. "Khala9 Oki, bas nadeeney awal ma ykhal9oun." he said as he got up too.


By the time the clock striked 4, the girls were already gathering in her house. She had changed into a navy summer dress from Juicy couture and paired it with her grey colored flats.  Zaina was the first to arrive wearing a purple button down top with her floral pants.


Girls started streaming through the front door and creating mini convos with each other. Everyone was greeting Rayan and complimenting the beautiful interior of the living room. Rayan had called a catering company earlier that day and asked for servants for juice and snacks.


It was getting very crowded and girls were smiling, everyone was excited about the ceremony and Rayan had briefly explained what they had in mind to the girls. Everyone was impressed and they expressed confidence in her.


She looked around, surrounded by people. Her own classmates, her friends. Yet she still felt alone. At times like these, moments that should she should be enjoying, she would find herself missing Jenan the most. She couldn't help but wish she was still around. She wished she was by her side.


She started getting flashbacks from a night she had spent with Jenan...

They were having a sleepover at Jenan's place. Jenan was tucked in her bed, while Rayan was sitting on one of the corners of the bed. "Ga3daa at2azam mn al7een. Maley khelg emti7anat." Jenan said and Rayan sighed in agreement. "I can't wait til we graduate!" Jenan said with an anticipating smile on her face. Rayan smiled, "It'll be the best day ever." she said and Jenan nodded.


If only she was still around, she thought. She closed her eyes and begged the tears away. She was not looking forward to it. She wanted Jenan to be there with her so badly, she almost wished she was dead instead, so that way she wouldn't have to attend, alone.


She wiped away the tears and picked out Zaina's face from the crowd. She sighed as the tears began strangling her again. Zaina approached her but Rayan cold heartedly walked past her and ran to the stairs, she turned around to find Zaina still in the same spot.


Her legs carried her up the stairs but she couldn't take it anymore. She never knew that missing someone can drain all her energy. She sat on top of the stairs and hugged her knees. Tears streamed and she left them there, flowing down her cheecks as she tried her best to stop thinking of the past.


"Rayan, shfeech?" Abdullah asked, his voice seemed a bit distant and almost like a whisper, but in mere seconds, Rayan felt his flesh next to hers. She cried even harder, because he reminded her so much of her. His compassion, his kindness and the tone in his voice, it all brought back the memory of Jenan.


"Rayan 6a3eeney." he said as he stepped down and kneeled forward towards her. Rayan peeked at him with gleamy eyes. Abdullah's heart twisted with pain, he hated seeing her like this. "Heyy heyy la tabcheen... gouliley shfeech." he said as he moved back and sat next to her again. She sobbed and sobbed and coudln't find the words to speak. He felt powerless.


He wished he could carry all the pain and guilt she carried on her shoulders and place them on his own. He knew what she felt, cause he felt it too.


Abdullah didn't hesitate to wrap and arm around her shoulder, but surprisingly, Rayan threw her head into his chest and covered her face. He soon wrapped his other arm around her and she was covered by his manly figure.


Holding her in his arms commenced the best feeling of joy. He felt the joy of a child when he finds the final piece to a puzzle and that piece fits perfectly. He felt his word start to mend, all because she was right there, on his chest. He embraced her, and she slowly started to renovate everything that was broken. She filled up the holes Jenan's loss left. She turned his grey into pretty shades of colors. She did al that, without even knowing.


She started to pull away and he loosened his grip around her. She wiped her tears away and her eyeliner was smudged. All the pain she felt showed through her streams of smudged mascara lines. She took a deep breath, avoiding eye contact with Abdullah.


"Laa tabcheen, 3ashaney." he whispered and she exhaled. "Maagder. Fehmouneyy tekfoun, 3abalkum 3adey? 3abalkum sahalat ou ma feha shay?"  she said as she choked with another lump in her throat. "7aas fech wallah! Adrey ena shay ythayeg el'khelg 7ail. Ou kel ma sawaitay shay tetmanain enha tkoun m3ach. Tetmanainha mawjouda 3shan teth7ak m3ach 3la el'ashya2 el'sakheefa ely kela teth7koun 3laiha. Ou tabchey m3ach 3la el'aflam el'baykha ely t7ebounha. Ou te6la3 m3ach ou tet7al6am m3ach. Ou  tethgha6 ely ma t7beenhum ou tougaf m3ach. Ou takheth hdoumech ou tetnajeroun 3laihum." he said and Rayan unwillingly chuckled.


"Tara 7ta ana, sa3at ared el'bait ou afged 7es'ha. Maku a7ad yestajwebney ou yes2alney wain arou7 ou wain ared. Maku a7ad yjabelney 3al'akel ou yakel ne9 flousey. Maku a7ad yga3edney mn 9ba7 allah khair ygouley 9akerley sa7ab el'nafnouf." he said and then took a deep breath.


Rayan wanted to break the silence, "We can do this together." she said and Abdullah smiled at her. "Adrey ena 9a3eb bas abeech tshedeen 7ailech ou tetkharejain 3ashaney. Ou abeech trou7een 7aflat el'takharuj ou entay raf3a rasech ou mebtasma. Ou abeech tdsheen el'jam3a ely entay ou Janoun theba7touna feha ely nesait esimha." he said. "UCL." she said with a cuckle and Abdullah smiled.


"Eeeh ka the7kay 6a3 sh7elwich! Mo 7elu 3alaich l'dmou3 ou el'theega. Abeech kela mebtasma." he said with a smile on his face.


That night, after everyone had already left, and after she made sure that Abdullah was asleep, she pulled out her notebook and her pen and started writing. Because times like these, she didn't want  to play Confessions, afraid Abdullah might hear her.


What she wrote went like this:


Whoever said death was the hard part was wrong, because realizing your gone and that I will never feel your arms around me again is the hard part. I miss you when something really good happens, because you're the only one I want to share it with. I miss you when something is troubling me, because you're the only one who understands me so well. I miss you when I laugh and cry, because I know that you are the one that will make my laughter grow and my tears disappear. Truth be told, I miss you all the time. But I miss you the most when I lay awake at night and reminisce all the good times we spent together for those were some of the best and memorable times of my life.

But do you know what? Missing you somehow gets easier everyday, because even though it is one day farther from the last time we've seen each other, it is one day closer to the next time we will. I have come to know that there is no such thing as good bye when it comes to you. Because no matter where you are, you will always be in my heart.

Our souls are connected, always have and always will be.

I miss you more than anyone else does. Visit me in my sleep, will you?

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As promised, its super long:p.
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